Not Another Manual Fanfic
by Mitsuki Horenake
Summary: One day, a grandmother takes in two of her orphaned grandchildren into a manor of their dreams and orders a present online to aid her youngest grandson into his career as a historian.  Only problem?  She ordered the infamous Hetalia units.  Thanks, grandma.  Your gift will not be in vain!  Crack is rampant here, which means someone has to get rid of Canada...
1. Package in the Mail

**Yes, I'm following the trend. Don't be chastising me about the fact that I have about five other series to work on, I'm workin' on them! OK, so I'm writing about LolliDictator's manuals. And because I think it'll be funnier and a bit easier on me, I'm using the Filipino twins, set as humans **_**(Liara's still going to be around, for those of you who actually like her).**_** I'll usually jump between the both of them **_**(but I might hover over Charice)**_**, so don't get too confused.**

**I DON'T OWN HETALIA, I DON'T OWN THE MANUALS. I only own the twins.**

**And for those of you who paid attention to my twins fanfiction, I'm aging them a little more. Charice is going to be twenty, while Rizal will be eighteen, just graduated from high school.**

**/=+=/**

_To my beloved niece and nephew,_

_I am writing to you to send my condolences about the death about your parents. That car accident must have had a terrible effect on the both of you, not to mention the fact that now you are getting kicked out of the house because you are no longer keeping the house! But no worries, I have taken the necessary precautions to make your college lives the same as before._

_It will be hard to get used to, but I am sending you to live in one of my California mansions. Yes, it is a big place for just the both of you to live in, but it was the closest place that I can give you that is closer to both of your colleges. Both of you will live under my name, so you will not have to worry about taking jobs to care for each other. Concentrate on your schoolwork so that you'll stay under the STARS program __[1]__!_

_And as for you, Rizal. I had heard from your father that you wanted to major in History and work in the museum like your mother. I have taken the opportunity to order a set of packages to help you take care of your history majors and perhaps even help you pass your class as valedictorian! And do not worry, Charice: these packages are said to be fun with all people, History majors or not._

_I can only help you for so much…take the summer vacation to adjust to this new life and hopefully you two will grow into the fine young man and woman that your parents were._

_From,_

_Your lola __[2]_

**/=+=/**

**~Rizal~**

'So…this is going to be our new home, Rizal."

"Yeah…looks like it."

I had to admit: my grandmother spoils us way too much. Here I thought it was going to be limited to way too much food in the Thanksgiving table and the over expensive gifts during Christmas time _(what kind of grandmother gives her niece a car?)_, but I never thought she would give us a mansion. Never mind the fact that she's a popular novelist and news reporter for those celebrity magazines that people usually interview on TV. Yeah, it does sound too good to be true. Charice keeps thinking that she's a conartist or something.

Hey, it's Califiornia.

"Actually…I just thought of something…" Charice looked to me. "Do you know that show The Fresh Prince of Bel-Air?"

"Huh? Oh yeah, I remember that show. Why?"

"Is it just me, or does this mansion look exactly like the one from that show?"

It was just her.

When I opened the door, I noticed that the mansion looked more like something out of Sonic the Hedgehog. Remember the crappy anime that plays on 4kids? Think of that manor, if you will. The staircase branched out into two different sections of the higher floor, but as always Charice was more than determined to find the kitchen.

"Over here, over here!"

I turned my head and saw that at least there was some reference to The Fresh Prince. The kitchen did look something like it, only with more counter space and thousands of cabinets over the counters. Seeing as how Charice is going to cooking school, this is practically her heaven. The fact that the dining room is right next door also seems to indicate that poor grandma was expecting one of us to be those party goers.

"This place is just so awesome!" She chirped. "And we didn't even look at the basements and our rooms! Oh, maybe we can switch bedrooms depending on the time of day-"

"Charice, we're living here under our grandmother's name. The last thing we need to do is squeeze her for every penny she has." I reminded her. "Remember, she can kick us out of here whenever she wants to."

"…OK." She pouted, but she knew I was right.

"That's good." I walked out of the kitchen. "You want to go check out the second floor?"

"I'll go check out this kitchen first." She chirped. "I need to know where I can put all my spices and whatnot!"

"Hah…that's my chef. I'll just be upstairs if you need me."

We both nodded at each other, an indication that we both listened to that _(she says I tend to zone out from time to time, but she has the listening issues)_, before I turned and headed up the stairs. She's my older sister, so I trust that she won't be destroying the house anytime soon.

**~Charice~**

**My god, **_**the kitchen was **__**SO BIG!**_

There were just so many cabinets in this kitchen that I can just imagine all the stuff I can put in here! Maybe we can take our holiday parties in here for once…cause I make a mean cheesecake _(it's my specialty ;D)_. And the fridge…my goodness, the fridge is so beautiful! I can fit anything that I could ever want in here! That's it, I'm going in such a grocery shopping rush once we settle in!

_*Ding dong*_

Huh. It's the bell.

"I got it, Rizal!" I called to him. I wonder if he heard me in this extremely big house?

I skipped over to the front door, wondering if it was lola welcoming us into the house. Seeing as how her schedule is "booked" _(as she claims it to be)_, that chance is very very _veerrryy _small. I cracked my knuckles, straightened my back as formal as I can get, and opened the door.

Hey, look at that. I was right.

"Are you Charice Pacquiao?"

I stared at the man in front of me with a blank look on my face. He was a delivery man with a huge ass box behind him and a clipboard in his hand. Behind him was a huge teal van that had the shape of one of those white vans that people use to kidnap children _(OK, enough about that)_ and a logo that said _(in __**BIG YELLOW LETTERING**__)_ "Flying Mint Bunny Express".

Never mind the fact that the 'mint bunny' on the van looked more like a digivolved Pikachu, but you know what, honest mistake.

"Yes, that's me." I answered, waiting for the guy to reach out and try to grab me.

"I'm going to need you to sign here for me."

"Uh…sure…" I blinked. "Wait, that package is for **me?**"

"Uh, unless you're not Charice Pacquiao."

"…then it is for me…"

"All right then…this is the first of your free units, and the second one should be here tomorrow."

_**THERE'S **__**MORE**__** OF THESE THINGS?**_

"Of course. The special offer states that you have two free units in two business days to adjust you, the user, to a life with them faster. You'll love the two free units given, or you can ship them back with a full refund."

Oh, did I say that out loud?

"Um…yes you did."

Whoops.

_Small Note:__ INTERROGATE lola about this._

I _(hesitantly)_ signed my name and watched as the man rolled the box into the lobby. It was then that I noticed that Rizal was climbing down the stairs and was now staring at the huge box thing that was in front of us. The man gave a nod, a small _'see ya'_, and went out the door, closing it behind him. Rizal stared at me as I stared at the manual in my hands.

"How much are you willing to be that this is secretly a bomb?"

"It's not a bomb, Charice. Why would lola send us something like that?"

"Life insurance?"

He took the manual from my hands with a shake of his head and took a glance at it.

**~Rizal~**

'_**FELICIANO VARGAS: User Guide and Manual'**_

"**Congratulations!** You have just purchased your very own FELICIANO VARGAS unit! In order to allow you full access to all of your unit's wonderful traits, we have provided this manual. Reading it is highly advised to avoid…"

I looked up and saw that Charice was more interested in the small box that came with the bigger human-sized box. Reading aloud was not going to help her in any way, so I decided to skim through the material while she took a glance in the boxes. By the looks of things, this unit is part of a set of units and has set emotions or something like that.

"Hey, listen to this." I chuckled. "Will respond to _'Pasta Freak'._ What were these guys thinking when writing this?"

"Whoa, check this out. It's like they're giving us free clothes!" She looked inside the small box. "It's a military outfit!"

"The manual says there's two of them." I looked back down. "OK, pay attention: **'****Removal of your FELICIANO VARGAS unit from Packaging****'**…"

"Wait, there's a method to open this thing?" She looked at the box. "By the way, how big is this thing anyway? It must be freakin' fragile to put it in this huge box."

"We'll find out sooner or later. Just pay attention…" I looked at the manual. "Hm…there are three methods mentioned here…"

"Three?" She grinned. "Well, you're the smarter of the both of us. You choose which one to use."

I was planning on doing so anyway.

I looked down at the manual. The first method involved pasta and boiling water next to the box. It seemed more Charice's thing, so I definitely marked it up as a possible choice. The second one involved using other units...well, concerning the fact that this is our first one, we can't really go to that option. Speaking of which, the third one involved pulling hair.

…

"You'll have to boil water."

"That's it?" She tilted her head. "I'm boiling water and using it to burn the box off?"

"No, it just says to either make pasta or boil water next to the box." I answered. "It'll activate on its own."

"O…K…well, speaking of pasta…**I'M HUNGRY!"** She grabbed the edge of the box. "Help me carry this to the kitchen!"

I didn't bother to argue as we heaved it to the kitchen. The box, despite the size, wasn't heavy at all, so it was easy to put it within a good distance from the stove in the kitchen. Once I straightened it out, I turned around and noticed that she was already putting a pot of water on the stove.

"Can you check on this?" She asked. "I want to see how this thing activates!"

"All right…" I sighed, switching places with her. "But I'm holding the manual."

She shrugged as she stood in front of the box, waiting for something to happen as I kept a glance at the boiling pot of water. Meanwhile, I decided to read deeper into the manual _(in case Charice decides to do some extremely random and break the poor thing)_.

_So this manual says that he's twenty years old._ I looked up. _That would make him older than I am._

According to the manual, the unit comes in 'modes' that seem to be associated to emotions or personalities. The _Sadistic_ personality, I will admit, gave me a bit of a shiver. I'll have to make sure Charice doesn't destroy any of the mentioned units, cause I do _**not**_ want to see this guy mad.

"Hey, I can't help but wonder something." Charice looked to me. "Lola said in her letter that this was going to help you major in History. What does this unit have to do with that?"

"Maybe because he's Italian? I dunno." I answered. "Maybe he's a good teacher?"

Which, according to this manual, isn't going to happen anytime soon.

According to the manual, pasta solves the majority of the troubleshooting problems _(how very stereotypical)_ which involve him sobbing and making white flags. Well, seeing as how we aren't at war with the house next door, we should be fine…or something like that.

"_We might've sent you a CHIBITALIA unit…"_ Which, according to this manual, is small, adorable to the maximum, and sounds like a girl.

I wonder if units can be traumatized by insane females who's attracted to cute?

Definitely sending it back if so.

"Is the water boiling yet?" She asked me.

"Um…just about." I answered, looking into the pot. "By the manual, the unit should be-"

**BAM!**

**~Charice~**

_**HOLY MOTHER OF ALL THOSE PHRASES THAT THEY ALWAYS CENSOR ON TELEVISION TO PROTECT THE CHILDREN!**_

I jumped behind a semi-startled Rizal as the box continued to boom here and there. Seriously, _**how the mother load**_ can Rizal be calm when something is clearly trying to break out of the box? Man, this is worse than a bomb! I looked around and quickly grabbed a nearby butcher knife. Seems solid enough for a quick kill…

"Charice, calm down." Rizal answered. "This is probably normal."

"Normal, my ass! That is **NOT** supposed to happen when people try to activate things _**normally!**__**"**_

He was about to say something when he stopped, a look on his face that said _'well, that is true…'_ before we realized that the banging stopped. We both turned to the box and saw that it was purely quiet. Suddenly, loud sobbing came from inside the box. It sounded…human.

Hold up a sec.

"Is this some type of human trafficking or something? I thought that's illegal in America!" I jumped to the box. "Hey, are you all right in there?"

"_Vee~~it's dark in here!"_ The voice sobbed from the inside.

My god the voice sounded so freakin' adorable. Never mind the fact that it could be an alien sent to kill us. I want to see this.

"OK, we're going to open the box!" I called to him. "Are you with me? We're going to open it up!"

"_P-please hurry!"_

Never mind the fact that the box looked properly sealed and that we probably needed a crowbar to rip apart the box and get this poor young alien out of the cage that has sealed his fragile soul into long years of claustrophobia.

And never mind the fact that we didn't have a crowbar.

We _do_, however, have a butcher knife.

…

Hm…

"OK, are you still with me?" I tapped the box. "Can you hear this?"

"_Y-yes…"_

"OK, I'm going to need you to put yourself on the other side of the box, all right? I'm going to stab the box open!"

"_W-__what?__"_

"I can't find the damn opening to this and stabbing it is the only way that we can open it!"

"Charice…"

"_I-Isn't there some other way?"_

"I really want to know, but I can't get access to a crowbar! So I'm going to stab the box. _**DO NOT BE TRAUMATIZED!"**_

"_**Charice…"**_

I looked up from the box and saw that Rizal was standing right there. He lifted up his finger and _what did you know_, flipped a small latch that was keeping the box together. He sighed and gently took the butcher knife away from me, putting it safely on the table.

I so knew that was there.

"Hey, we got the box open!" I cheered to the guy inside. "We're going to get you out now!"

"_Ve~! Thank you!"_

Too…cute…

Unfortunately, the box was way too tall for me to get the lid out on one try, so I was climbing the box trying to lift the dam lid off the box. I'm pretty sure this alien thing can climb out of there, and if this thing really is out to kill us, I have enough time to get Rizal out of the building the minute it's out. Maybe I can get the butcher knife again…

"Charice…the front lid can swing open like a door."

"Eh? It can?"

Rizal sighed before he took one of the panels and swung it open _(how the hell does he know this?)._ Before I knew it, someone jumped out to hold me. _**Tightly.**_ I admit it, I screeched in shock, but that subsided quite a bit. He was warm to the touch, but he was so grippy that I couldn't see his face.

**~Rizal~**

The man that jumped out to hug her looked about my height, with short brown hair and a strange curl protruding from it. Maybe that was the curl we were supposed to pull. He was wearing a blue naval uniform, the same one that Charice found in that small box earlier. And when they broke the hug, his eyes never opened. That's weird.

"Thank you so much for getting me out of that scary box!" He chirped. "I'm Feliciano, but you can call me Feli!"

The accent was really Italian. I found that highly interesting.

"Can I call you Feli-kun instead?" Charice chirped, twitching. _This wasn't good…_

"Of course you can!" He smiled. That made the twitching worse.

"All right! My name is Charice Pacquiao!" She pointed to me. "And he's my younger brother, Rizal!"

"Ve~~~nice to meet you, Rizal!"

And then he proceeded to hug me.

"Oof…nice to meet you too."

He let me go, and that's when I realized his eyes never opened up. Is it possible for this guy to go walk around with his eyes closed? Well, he did know that I was there when Charice pointed at me. Maybe it's a sensor thing. Speaking of Charice, I noticed that she was violently twitching. That's…not good.

"Feliciano, can you come with me?"

"Ve? Oh, sure."

He looked confused as I led him away for his own good. Charice didn't make a move to follow us, which was good for him.

"_OK, when I say so, you make a run for it."_

"Ve? Run for it?" Feliciano looked at me with an oblivious look. "Run from what?"

"_My sister. She…uh…has a weakness for cute things."_ I sighed.

"Ve~...she thinks I'm cute?" He smiled obliviously. "Well, tell her that I said thank you!"

_***rumble***_

"Run. Now."

And I was entertained by the image of an extremely fast Italian being chased around the house by an extremely fast Filipina. This was going to be a long, long new life.

**/=+=/**

**[1] ****In New Jersey, there is a government program that pays college tuitions to students who graduate in the first 15% of their class. I've looked it up and there was on in California as well.**

**[2] ****FILIPINO- **_Grandma_

**Don't ask why I'm doing this. I'm seeing all these manual fics running around and I somehow wanted to jump into the bandwagon. Hope you guys don't mind the two switching view points, and review!**


	2. Brother Sister Bonding

**So people apparently like this and the varying view points. OK, that works. So here's the next chapter. I'll get one for ****The Fantasy Story**** up too, so don't worry about that. So enjoy!**

**/=+=/**

**~Rizal~**

It's odd to say this, but Feliciano actually got used to Charice and her crazy cute-dashing attitude. On the other hand, I was able to mellow her down from a full-dash/glomp to just a simple hard hug. He didn't seem to mind that either, so I figured that something right was going on.

"Um…Rizal?"

I looked up and saw that Feliciano was staring at me with a simple oblivious yet confused stare. Charice was making dinner, so I figured that he was going to be in there with her. Maybe I was wrong. Oh well. I figured that he was just scared to be alone with Charice.

"What, Charice overwhelming you already?" I laughed. "Don't worry about it, she does that to everyone she likes."

"Ve~? S-she likes me?"

"She thinks you're cute." I grinned. "An adorable cute, like she wants to store you in her pocket and walk around with you."

Actually, it was more like an adorable cute, like she would be in such a hyperactive state of happiness that she wouldn't notice if she broke all of your bones in the process.

But hey, let the oblivious Italian stay oblivious.

"Ve~~~she seems so nice."

"She is. And very forgiving." **Violent**, but forgiving. "You'll get used to her."

"All right…" He laughed. I myself had to admit that it was cute. "Is she done making our dinner yet?"

"Eh? Uh…I don't know…" He turned to the kitchen. "I left without really noticing…"

"You should check in with her and make sure that she isn't burning anything down."

He stared at me, extremely terrified out of his mind. I guess that whole hour _(or three…I wasn't really paying attention past all that screaming)_ of Charice chasing him down the entire mansion taught him something. At least he's catching onto what's going on. I smiled and held his shoulder, and he looked at me in a bit of dazed shock.

"Don't worry, she's used up all her energy. She won't be hurting you anytime soon." I laughed. "And if she's getting close, all you have to do is scream."

"…OK!"

He chirped as he turned and headed toward the kitchen. I waited until he was out of my sight and then proceeded to head over to my room, most notably my computer. I was going to get to the bottom of what's going on and let Charice know about it. If it's not anything too dangerous, at least we can get informed on what's to come.

**~Charice~**

I had to say that I was very lucky on the fact that we cooked Italian dishes in our last semester. It's weird that most of their dishes involved some form of grain though, but heck we had more than enough to stock. Besides, we have more than enough spaghetti to go around. Hope he doesn't mind the plain spaghetti and meatballs with pure tomato sauce.

"Uh…Charice? C-can I come in?"

"Eh?"

I looked up and saw that Feli-kun was peeking from the side of the entrance to the kitchen, seemingly shy to enter. Either that or he was scared of me. I wonder why, though? Not only that, but I couldn't help but notice that Feli-kun's voice seemed to waver.

Too…cute…

"Oh sure! You can come in!" I chirped. "Can you help me wash the dishes?"

"OK!"

He instantly wasn't scared anymore _(how in the world does that work?)_ as he walked in and rolled up his sleeves. It was shocking to know that people can actually be _**ecstatic**_about washing dishes. Sure, I don't have any faith in dishwashers, but that doesn't mean I like washing dishes. Maybe he likes soap?

"You don't mind if I make plain spaghetti, do you?"

"Ve~~I don't mind! I heard from your _fratello_ that you are a really good chef, so I'm really looking forward to it!"

Meanwhile, I was just standing there in front of the boiling pot wondering what the heck _fratello_ meant. The only other person in the house was Rizal. So…unless grandma suddenly called up to talk to this guy, fratello means brother. So OK, this means brother. That works.

"Well, unlike you, I actually have to go to a school for cooking." I grinned. "I heard that you're a good chef too!"

"Ve~~~I was told that too…" He smiled. "But you're almost done cooking, right?"

"True…oh well! I'll just let you cook next time!" I chirped. "If you want to, of course."

"Of course, Charice! Thank you!"

Too…cute…

"Mi fratello isn't anything like Rizal."

"Eh?" I looked up to him.

"He curses a lot, and can't really cook. We barely talked to each other…but in truth I wish we can talk more often."

His brother? Maybe he's a unit like Feli-kun was? Well, if that's true, then trying to call him on the phone was definitely out of the question. Why was I thinking this over a pot of pasta? I'm not really sure. But you know what, the mind wanders. Ooh, cake…

"Is he your older brother or younger?"

"Older." He answered.

"Well, that explains it. Rizal's the younger one!" I chirped. "Even then, he's one of a kind! He acts like the older of the both of us, and in my opinion he's better at that."

"So you're the older one." He said. "How is that, being the older one?"

"Not much, other than always having that over-protective feeling all the time." I shrugged. "Hey, you're twenty right?"

'Yes."

"When's your birthday?"

"Eh? M-March 17."

"Seriously? Mine's April 27 [1]! So you're older than I am!"

"Ve~?"

"That would make you the oldest person in the house! That's really cool! So would that mean you'd be my older brother?"

"O-older brother?" He blushed, not expecting that. At least, that's what I want to believe. "T-that sounds really cool…older brother…"

"Yep! So as of today, Feli-kun is mi…uh…" Wow, what a way to plan ahead Charice. _**Way to go.**_ "Mi…older fratello?"

And just like that, I looped my arm around his and hugged his left arm. He gave out a little yelp for whatever reason _(I thought Italians were huggy types?)_, but then he relaxed and let me hang there. I had to admit, I thought it was weird that I felt body heat from this guy. I thought he was some kind of robot or something. Maybe he really was human.

"_Mi fratello maggiore…"_

"Eh?"

"That was the phrase that you were looking for." He leaned his head on mine. "Mi fratello maggiore…my older brother."

"Pfft…I knew that."

He stared at me with a confused look on his face, and that's when I realized something weird: his eyes were actually **OPEN**, revealing a beautiful golden hazel tone. I didn't even know that was a natural color on someone's face. And it was even then that I realized just what he was confused about.

"I was trying to save face."

"…oh."

"…oh crap."

"W-what?" He lifted his head.

"_**I ALMOST BURNT THE PASTA!"**_

**~Rizal~**

So these unit sets are based off an anime?

I sat there in front of the computer with a blank look on my face, staring at the amount of information that was erupting from the Wikipedia site. The anime is based off of countries, so I guess I can understand what lola was thinking when she purchased these units. Though…I think it's weird that there are people out there that literally take the time to just make androids based off of a show while modern robotics barely figured out how in the world to make a working robot that can be human.

Oh well. If the show is any indication, Feliciano is harmless. I was right about him to be scared of Charice.

I stood up from my seat and turned off my computer. If this was an anime, and I've been hanging out with my anime-crazed sister, I know how nuts the fans can get. I'm not even going to start with looking in the fansites. I opened the door and saw Feliciano jump back. He was right in front of my door.

"I'm guessing dinner is ready?"

"Yes!" He chirped. "Charice made the best food I've ever tasted from another person!"

_Would that mean that the cooking of the other units suck?_ I could only recall England, but that was basically a running gag. And I thought France had good cooking. Maybe he didn't like the French? Heck, that was what their mafia was made for, right [2]?

"All right." I smiled. "Lead the way."

I let him lead me through the hallways and into the kitchen, where Charice set up a small table setting for the three of us. And I was not surprised to see that the dish for today was plain spaghetti and meatballs. She dumped another batch onto Feliciano's plate, and that's when I realized that he almost ate his entire plate.

"She really is the best chef, isn't she?"

"Yep! Tua sorella makes some really good pasta!"

"She sure does."

I looked up from my seat and saw that Charice was staring at the both of us with a blank look on her face. I admit it, it made me laugh. Leave it to Charice to only know the English language. Then again, all people are like that.

"Tua sorella means your sister, Charice." I stated.

She muttered an _'oh'_ before inhaling the food in front of her. I took a taste of her food _(still the same as always)_ and noticed that Feliciano was getting all cuddly toward Charice. What I thought was weird was that she was cuddling him back without any signs of destroying any of his vital organs. She really must've relaxed.

"Hey, hey!" She chirped. "Did you know? Feli-kun's the oldest of the three of us! He's our big brother!"

"Is that so?" I grinned. Another older sibling that's an idiot. But at least these idiots were cute. "So you two are ordained brother and sister now?"

"Of course!" He chirped. "I like her already!"

"I do too!"

And without any sort of warning, she reached out and pulled his curl.

Me, with the forewarning of what was happening next, couldn't help but feel really bad for the poor Italian. But I decided to be a sadist for once and watched as Feliciano started to fidget rapidly in his seat. Charice sat there in confusion as he started to mumble something in Italian _(which, by the look on Charice's face, was cute)_ and flush thousands of shades of red. I didn't know if I was seeing things, but she was twitching.

"Ch-Charice…"

"W-what?" She blinked. "Am I hurting you? Where?"

He seemed embarrassed, but then he pointed up to the curl that she was still holding. She quickly let go and shot her hands up in an _'I-didn't-do-NOTHIN'_ look on her face. He let out a long breath as I finally got another bite of the pasta in my mouth. The red on his face was subsiding. I guess that's the reaction if we chose Option #3.

Couldn't help but wonder if that Lovino unit they were talking about was going to storm out of nowhere?

"Oh…I'm sorry!" She said. "I-I didn't know that hurt!"

"I-I-It's…OK…"

I blinked as I saw that sweat was staring to break out on his face and the blush was dying down. That's when I realized that Charice really was twitching. Oh boy, this isn't going to end well isn't it?

"…glomp."

"Eh?"

_***tackle glomp***_

**/=+=/**

**~Charice~**

Wow…this bed feels really soft.

I flopped down on the bed and stared at the yellow colored ceiling above me. We moved in our stuff after we got Feli-kun, so for the most part this was the only place in the house that felt like home. Funny how my room now is as big as the living room in my other house. Of course, we had to get rid of the old bed, but still…

_It's so warm…_ I snuggled under the covers. _Me like._

Five seconds later, I'm hugging my riceball pillow and another pillow before settling down on about five more of them. What? I like soft surfaces! Pillow stacking is my greatest specialty, so you know what? You know what? _**You KNOW what?**_ Hush. At least I got a riceball pillow.

Before I knew it, two hours had passed and I was still enjoying the soft bed. I was just about to drift off to sleep _(or fall unconscious, depending on how you claim it to be)_ when I heard the door creak open. Instantly, all my nerves tingled to life and activated my adrenaline _(hey, I learned something from Rizal)_ and I shot up into a sitting position for a counterattack.

"Wah!"

"**Gah!"**

I jumped. I wasn't expecting Feli-kun to be there! I thought he liked the room that we decided to give him _(or maybe he chose it himself…I can't remember)_. Maybe he wanted something. I instantly calmed down, signaling him that it was safe to come into the room. He was wearing an unbuttoned white sailor shirt, a simple blue pillow and…

And…

…

"_**HOLY MOTHER OF NESTLE GREEN TEA!"**_

I had to throw my head back underneath the pillow, startling Feli-kun even more _(the whimper was a sure indication)_. But seriously, you'd whimper too. Cause he wasn't wearing anything past that sailor shirt. And I mean _**ANYTHING**_. He whimpered again and hid behind the door, which saved me some face for my virgin eyes.

"Ve! I-I'm sorry!" He sobbed. "Please don't hurt me! I'm sorry, I'm sorry!"

"It's fine, it's fine!" _Just scared / startled / traumatized out of my freakin' MIND, but fine._ "I didn't know it was you, so…"

I figured taking a deep breath was going to save the both of us wasted time and allow me to just process what the heck I saw. So I did. Feli-kun was careful not to come in full view from the door, cause...he looked pretty intimidating with…that.

"Um…what do you need?"

"Um…" He fidgeted like a scolded child. He looked cute in the moonlight…if you keep your eyes up. "I…didn't want to be alone tonight, so…"

Ohhh, I get it. Poor Feli-kun didn't want to sleep alone tonight! I guess staying inside that box for god knows how freakin' long might have that lonely-phobia on you _(whatever the phobia name was)_. Besides, I can't say no to a cute little face like that. I could just pinch it!

"Um…you can stay here tonight…on _**one**_ condition."

"Eh?" He looked like he was on the verge of smiling.

"…please put on some pants."

"Ve~? But I feel uncomfortable with wearing them when I sleep."

Wow, no crap.

"But for you, sorella, I'll get them! I'll be right back!"

**~Rizal~**

I yawned and stretched as I wandered the hallway. For some reason I couldn't sleep and I figured that I might as well get a glass of water and see if that would work. Halfway through the walk, I barely heard Feliciano singing from just a few feet away. I looked up and saw him skip over to his room, singing about how he was going to share a bed with his sister on his first night.

And…he wasn't wearing any pants.

…

…

If Feliciano touches her, he is _**so freakin' dead.**_

**/=+=/**

**[1] ****April 27 corresponds to the date of April 27, 1565, the date that that Philippines was established as a Spanish colony. If anyone is curious, Rizal's birthday is June 12, the date when the Philippines declared independence from Spain. Odd enough, they were bought by America by the 1898 Treaty of Paris on the same year.**

**[2] ****According to urban legend, the term '****mafia****' was used in the Sicilian revolt in March 1282. The word itself is an acronym of the phrase **_**'Morte alla Francia, Italia anela'**_**. Translated into English, it means **_**'Death to France, Italy cries!'**_** Well, didn't he cry that out?**

**Tomorrow is another unit! Guess who, guess who, guess who!**


	3. The British Has Come

**So today's the day they get the next free unit! Guess who it's gonna be! Or…you know, read this.**

**/=+=/**

**~Charice~**

I rubbed my eyes as I saw a sleeping Feli-kun in front of me. He looked so cute when he was sleeping, now that I noticed it. Part of me couldn't help but peek underneath the sheets, still relieved that he kept his boxers on like he promised. I rolled onto my back and tried to recall the manual and what it was talking about concerning Feli-kun's rest.

_He passes out randomly and tends to sleep naked. Even then he likes to sleep with other people._

…

What? That was it?

I turned my head back to Feli-kun, watching him sleep peacefully in his little cuddly Italian way. Part of me just wanted to huggle him so much, but I don't huggle people when they sleep. He needs all the rest that he needs. I looked around the sheets and saw that he was tightly wound around them. How the heck can I get out of here without shifting the bed and waking him?

"Ve~~! Good morning sorella!"

_**HOLY FANDAGO WITH A CHANCE OF MEATBALLS!**_

Nevertheless, five seconds of screaming later I was on the ground and Feli-kun was looking at me with a worried look on his face. But what was I supposed to do? This guy can just walk around wherever the hell he wants to with his eyes closed, not to mention the fact that he sleeps with his eyes closed. _**HOW THE HELL **_am I supposed to know if the dude's awake?

"Ve~~~! I'm sorry! Are you alright?"

"I'm fine, I'm fine…" I sighed. _Just traumatized out of my freakin' mind._ "I…fell out of the bed."

"A-are you sure?"

"I really hope so." I stood up and straightened out my PJs. "I might as well get dressed. Can you stand outside while I get changed?"

"Ve! Veve_**ve!"**_ He saluted. "Veve~!"

…what?

He chirped that phrase to himself as he walked out of the room, closing the door behind him. Once I was sure that I was fine alone, I changed into a red T-shirt and black pants and slipped into my socks. I walked open the door and saw that Feli-kun was actually waiting for me outside, twirling a small circle on the floor with his foot.

"Um…I'm done." I blinked.

"Ve~!" He hugged me. "Good morning!"

"All right, good morning to you too!" I chirped. "You hungry for breakfast?"

"Of course!"

"All right then…we're going to have to get you dressed first!"

**~Rizal~**

Sure, my sister is a really talented chef, but sometimes all you want is a bowl of cereal. Fortunately, by looking around the cabinets, it looks like Charice actually got some Cheerios. I pulled the box out and was about to grab a bowl when I heard the door bell ring.

_Who the heck could that be?_

I left the box on the counter and headed over to the door, being sure to peek through the peephole before opening the door. It was a middle-age man with a clipboard in his hand and a box right next to him. Behind him, sitting peacefully on the front lawn, was a van with the words **Flying Mint Bunny Express.**

_Must be the local delivery company._ No wonder lola never lived here.

"Huh." The man blinked. "Are you Charice?"

"…no." I answered. "Why?"

"Well, this delivery is for her." He answered. "The second one of the free offer."

"She's still asleep, I think. I'm her brother though and of adult age." I stated. "I can take the package."

"All right then." He lifted the board. "Sign here. Your next unit will come in two business days."

"All right."

I quietly signed my name on the paper as the man looked at the name, handed me a manila folder, nodded, and headed back into the van. I watched him drive away before pushing the box back into the lobby, closing the door behind me and detaching the small box attached to it.

"Eh? Is that the second box?"

I looked up from staring at the box and saw that Charice and Feliciano were walking down the stairs, yawning and stretching. Half of my attention zoomed in on the fact that Feliciano didn't tie his shoes. The minute I noticed that, he tripped and fell in Charice's arms.

"Are you OK?" She asked with a chuckle.

"Ve…I'm fine." He stood up. "So…who's in the box?"

I blinked, before realizing that the manila folder in my hand held something thick inside. This must be this unit's manual, the same process as Feliciano before. Unwinding the string, I slowly pulled out the huge manual and read the first few lines of the manual myself.

'_**ARTHUR KIRKLAND: User Guide and Manual'**_

Arthur, Arthur…oh yeah, England. That's when I remembered that I had to tell Charice about the show. I keep forgetting. I looked up and saw that Charice and Feliciano were staring at me with a bit of interest…well, Feliciano is always interested, so I wasn't really sure if he was actually into this or not.

"OK, um…do you know the phrase **'the British are coming'?**"

"Um…yeah." Charice answered.

"Well…he came."

The two reacted in completely different ways. Feliciano looked extremely scared, like he was scared of Arthur for some reason. I recalled that during the show, he really wanted to avoid being around him. Charice, on the other hand, was laughing so hard that she started pounding the ground and was gasping for air.

I still don't get it.

"**Congratulations!** You have just purchased your very own ARTHUR KIRKLAND unit! This manual was written in order to ensure that you, the owner, can…"

I looked up and saw that Charice was so busy laughing that she wasn't even paying attention to me anymore. Poor Feliciano was still scared of the box, hiding behind me as if the box was going to open up out of nowhere and seize his vital regions. I skimmed down the information to the troubleshooting section.

"_**WARNING!**____We may have sent you a Pirate!England!"_

OK, maybe he **could** seize his vital regions. Or mine.

"Ve~~~I'm scared." He whimpered.

"Don't worry about it. This house is neutral territory." I couldn't help but answering. "Charice will take care of you. Speaking of which…"

I started nudging her with my sandals, watching as she rolled over and started taking deep gasps of air. She was snapping out of it, thank goodness. She stood up, wiping another tear from her eye, and stared at the box in front of us. A few seconds after that, she was able to breathe normally.

"So…how are we opening this thing?"

I looked back into the manual. Most of these options involved cooking something, so I think Charice can figure this out. Hamburgers she can make, I don't know about Spanish and the only thing French Charice can figure out is French fries. I recalled that we didn't have anything resembling alcohol, so Option #2 was out. The only thing that seemed to be safe _(aka not going to let her have a heart attack or anything like that) _was playing "Saving Grace".

**~Charice~**

"By the looks of things, we just have to play Saving Grace."

"That's it?" I blinked.

"Yeah." He slowly nudged Feli-kun off. "I'm going to get my laptop. You watch over Feliciano, all right?"

"Can do!"

I saluted as he headed up the stairs. After he was gone, I couldn't help but notice that Feli-kun looked extremely nervous about being around this guy. Speaking of which, Rizal somehow forgot to mention who this guy's name was. Great. Now I don't have a freakin' clue on who's inside. Maybe _this guy_ is an alien sent to kill us.

"Ve…I'm scared…"

"Don't worry about it, Feli-kun!" I held his arms. "I'll be here to protect you!"

He smiled reassuringly, allowing me to pat him on the head. He "ve~d" cutely with each pat, so I lightly pinched his cheek. Odd enough, he didn't seem annoyed by that. Footsteps echoed from behind us, and we turned our heads to see that Rizal was holding his laptop in his arm, typing something with his other hand. For some reason, he wouldn't get another laptop because that thing is approximately ten years old! He says that it 'still works'…even though it sometimes freezes every now and then.

"You got the song on your laptop?"

"Yeah. Hold on, YouTube is still loading it."

He clicked on it, and the familiar melody began to play. I couldn't help but hum along and bob my head as the music still played from the laptop. God, sometimes it's great to be an American. Sometimes. Way too many taxes, as far as I'm concerned.

'_**Oh say, can you see?'**_

'_**By the dawn's early light…'**_

Wait a minute.

"Rizal, that's the Star-Spangled Banner."

"Huh." He stared at the computer in front of him. "Looks like someone mislabeled the video."

Well, doesn't that just suck. Now the three of us have to **WAIT** here while Rizal hunted down the Internet to find the correct song. How in the world could Rizal mix two songs together? Really, I thought he was about all these things.

"_**Will you turn that bloody racket down?"**_

We all jumped from the voice. I don't know how, but for some reason we all noticed at the same time that the sound was coming from the box itself. Either we were all going into some form of insane or we just activated the unit. And boy, that unit did **not** sound happy.

"You heard him!" Feli-kun cried. "Turn it off!"

"…huh."

"_**What?"**_ I cried.

"The mouse froze."

_**Fantastic.**_

The both of us whimpered for a few seconds as the box crashing became louder and louder. A few seconds after that, I swear to god, _**A HAND **__**CAME THROUGH THE FREAKIN' BOX.**_ **A HAND CAME THROUGH THE FREAKIN' BOX!**And _**it's massacring the damn box! Holy crap, it's a murderous alien! HEEELLLPPP!**_

**~Rizal~**

I don't know what the heck happened, but five seconds after massive box destruction the two of them were pinning themselves behind my back, crying and whimpering and begging God for mercy. I decided not to think too hard into it and watched as a man came through the box. He had short, blond hair and a simple green uniform. And I had to admit: those eyebrows made me chuckle. He looked at me with a confused look on his face.

"You are not Alfred." He said simply.

"No, I'm not." I answered, flipping the manual to the front page and closing my laptop. "I prefer the name Rizal. She's Charice and…I think you know him."

"Ah, Feliciano." He straightened his tie and looked at my sister. "Did I…scare you?"

She whimpered and hid behind Feliciano _(much to my amusement)_. I turned to Arthur and shrugged while showing a small nod. Yes, it's the truth. Charice is scared of Arthur. Then again, so am I. Just not as much. Besides, I can easily set him into _Dere-dere _mode by the end of the day.

"I'm terribly sorry, and I do hope you pardon my earlier behavior." He stated. "I'll clean up this mess for you at once."

_**That**_ interested the both of us. We all looked at each other, surprised that this guy can actually be nice. I guess I should've seen it coming _(since I am watching the show now)_, but even then it's weird to see him nice to us normal Americans and a random Italian who may or may not be extremely clingy to my sister right now. Eh, at least he's cute.

"It's safe to come out now." I told the other two.

"R-right…" She turned to Feliciano. "D-don't worry…I got you."

"…ow!"

We all looked up and saw Arthur flinch away from one of the box pieces, hiding one of his hands. Must've been a splinter. Those shards are pretty sharp-looking. I gave Charice my laptop and knelt over to him. He looked started for some reason. I thought he saw me coming.

"Let me see it." I stated.

"W-what are you talking about?" He turned away. "I'm fine."

"Come on, let me see it."

"I said I'm fine!"

Oh boy. We're going to have to do this the hard way. I quickly grabbed his arm and pulled it up, quickly showing the splinter into the light. His face went completely red for some reason, and I could've sworn I heard Charice snicker from behind me. Again, I decided that I shouldn't ask.

"Charice, can you get the tweezers from on top of the fridge?"

"Can do!" I barely saw her salute. "Come on, Feli-kun!"

He chirped before following my sister into the kitchen, leaving me alone with a blushing Arthur. Confused, I let go of his arm and he lowered it slowly, rubbing his wrist and looking down at the splinter on his finger.

"Did I hurt you?"

"…_no…bloody git."_ He answered. _"I'm perfectly fine…"_

"All right, Arthur. Listen to me. You're kind of stuck here, so you're going to live here. And by living here, you have to know that you can't lie to me." I pointed at his finger. "We can't let that get infected, can we?"

"…" He was still blushing.

"Come on. We'll have to take care of that."

I slowly lifted him to his feet, even though he was resisting a little bit before he finally let me help him. I could've sworn _(again)_ that I heard someone laughing from the kitchen, but I figured that it was just me. Slowly, I led him toward the kitchen, trying my best not to baby him.

**~Charice~**

Is it just me, or does my brother look extremely cute with Arthur?

**/=+=/**

**Yes, I did go that far. Please review, and I might update my other series!**


	4. Never Going to Leave You

**So Rizal and Charice are going to live two days with adorable Feliciano and **_**tsundere**_** Arthur! Are those two going to survive Charice's extreme attachment to everything cute? Figure that out for yourself, when you read this!**

**~Charice~**

"Um…Charice? Why do we need tweezers?"

"To pull out the splinters, duh!" I answered. "We can't leave that piece of wood in there."

"Ve~? Piece of wood?"

Did this guy really not know what a splinter is? I was about to answer him when I saw Rizal lead Arthur into the kitchen, pointing him to the dining table. He hesitantly sat down, eying me with a look that seemed to scream that he couldn't trust me at all. What is up with people not trusting me?

"All right…where's the wood?"

"Right pointer finger." Rizal answered.

"All right…" I turned to him. "Let me see."

Arthur looked a little mad, but then slowly lifted up his finger to show me the splinter. It didn't look that deep. Five seconds later, it was pulled out without much of a fuss. Thank goodness. I threw a band-aid on it before the poor Brit could argue against it, and he stared at me with a weird look on his face.

"Done! You're going to be OK now!"

"…thanks." He rubbed the finger. "Charice, right?"

"Yeah, that's my name!" I nodded. "Mr…Blond…Dude."

"It's Arthur, you git." He spat.

Awwww…he has a British accent! I thought that was the cutest thing ever _(next to Feli-kun and his ADOWABLE Italian accent)_, and can't help but wonder just how more adorable these people can get. Screw plushies! Units are adorable as they are! I should give him a nickname, too…

"Um…Arthur, is it?" Rizal asked, looking at the manual. "Can you explain to me why it says that you also go by the name Iggy?"

"Ugh, I hate that name!" Arthur sighed. "That damn American gave it to me…"

"Iggy?" _Ah-HAH! Nickname given!_ "All right! From now on, I'm calling you Iggy-kun!"

"_**What?"**_

"Iggy-kun, Iggy-kun!"

**~Rizal~**

Nonetheless, I had to watch Charice and Feliciano ring around the room singing the word "Iggy-kun" rapidly. Poor Arthur had to sit there in total submission. He did try to argue his point once, but it was drowned out by the constant huggling between the both of them.

"Don't mind her. She gives nicknames to everyone." I sat down next to him. "You'll get used to them."

"Really? I don't recall her calling you by a nickname."

"I'm her brother. I endure enough torture as it is." I answered. "Besides, my name can't be broken down into a cute nickname."

"…lucky jerk."

"Like I said, you'll get used to them." I looked at him. "Hey, are you hungry? We're just having breakfast."

"Breakfast?" He stood up. "Actually, I can make you something if you wish."

"T-that's fine, really." _Recall that Arthur cannot cook for anything._ Still, it can't be worse than mine…

"No no, let me. It'll be repayment for scaring you earlier."

"Really, I was just going to settle for-"

"Aw come on! Let him cook!" Charice chirped. "It'll be nice to have more than two chefs in the house!"

I slammed my head on the table as my sister proceeded to show him the kitchen. We are so freakin' screwed, aren't we? From the side, I could hear a frightened Feliciano pray to every god in existence that he doesn't die from the burnt scones and the horrible cooking. Quite frankly, I didn't even know if there was more than one god…but whoever's running it right now, _**please**_ save us.

"Wow, Iggy-kun! I never see you cook so fast before!"

"It's a specialty. I've been cooking for quite some time."

"Really? Wow, that's fascinating!"

Yep, we're not going to live.

Five seconds later, I heard more footsteps and someone setting a plate in front of me. I looked up and saw that it was a simple plate of carrots and peas with a sunny-side up egg. It…looked normal enough…but is food supposed to radiate purple like that? By the look on Feliciano's face…not it wasn't.

**~Charice~**

I had to admit: Iggy-kun's food looked really plain. But even plain food could have their tastes. Everyone can't live in a fancy restaurant, you know! I looked up from my plate and saw that Feli-kun and Rizal were staring at their plates with terrified looks on their faces. Wonder what's wrong with them?

"A-are you two OK?" I asked.

"Ve~~~I'm scared…" Feli-kun whimpered.

"Stop complaining. It's completely edible." Iggy-kun took a bite. "See? No problems."

"…all right." Rizal sighed before picking up a few of the peas. "It can't be that-"

_***bite***_

_**BOOM!**_

…

…

"_**OH MY GOD YOU KILLED HER BROTHER!"**_

"I didn't kill him, bloody git!" Iggy-kun grumbled. "He's…probably tired."

"_**What the hell**_ did you do to my brother?" I demanded. "He's note even _**twitching!"**_

"I didn't do anything!"

"_**DAMN RIGHT**_ you didn't do anything!" I yelled. "Get back here!"

And that, my friends, is when I started chasing the blond British bastard around the house. I couldn't help but recall that I did the same thing to Feli-kun. Maybe I'm going to do this to every single person we get? All right! Cross-country exercise!

**~Rizal~**

"F-fratello? A-are you all right?"

My head was spinning and there was a taste of charcoal in my mouth. I looked up and saw that I must've temporarily passed out, Feliciano at my side with a terrified look on his face. On the table were two empty chairs in front of plates of food, which confused me. Where'd the other two go?

"Where did-?"

The yelling and screaming outside the kitchen was the only indication that I got. I looked up and saw that my sister was chasing the poor Englishman around the entire manor. Maybe I should fake being out for a few hours, since it looked really entertaining. After a few seconds of Charice screaming extreme profanities, she tackled him to the ground.

"**ASIAN REVENGE! WE'RE RUNNING THE WORLD NOW!"** She screamed with a cackle in her throat.

"G-get off me!" He demanded.

"This is for my brother!" She screamed.

Yeah, I'll have to intervene.

I stood up and quickly pulled her off the startled English native, having to struggle with her randomly swinging punches around to the air. He stared at me with a blank look on his face and all I could do was shrug it all off and hold Charice with both hands.

"She's just protective of me. Don't worry about her."

"Well, at least I can give her that…" He stood up. "Can you please control her?"

"Of course, of course." I leaned to her. _"Come on, Charice. Stand down."_

She sighed and complied, getting off him. Arthur dusted himself off and stood as I held Charice back in case she wanted to go deeper into pure revenge. That's when I remembered something that might calm her.

"Feliciano's still in the kitchen."

"Feli-kun?" She paused. _**"Noooo! My babbbyyy! Don't worry, mommy's coming, sweetttiiieeee!"**_

And just like that, she ran like the wind. Arthur stared at her desperate steps with wide eyes, surprised that this was something normal. I couldn't help but laugh at the look on his face. It was _priceless._ Maybe I've been living with my sister for too long…

"She's…attached to him, in a way."

"…how, exactly?"

"She thinks he's adorable." I shrugged. "But that's the only thing to keep her attached."

"She's crazy." He stated.

"Nah, just very protective." I turned to the kitchen entrance. "She gets easily attached to something, and then she starts calling them family."

"Family…"

I looked at Arthur, and noticed that he was looking at the entrance of the kitchen as well with sad eyes. Maybe he was thinking of Alfred, and how he got himself so attached to him, to the point where he called him brother, the same way Charice is doing to Feliciano. But unlike them, his relations ended pretty tragically…

"She sees you as a brother, you know."

"Eh?" Arthur looked at me.

"Those nicknames…it's basically a symbol of her friendship, really. When she gives you a nickname, she's telling you that she trusts you with everything and won't ever doubt you." I sighed. "I mean, our relationship had evolved to the point where I don't need one, but at this point she does it to everyone."

"But didn't you say that she gives nicknames to everyone?"

"She does…she's that trusting."

"Doesn't she know that she can't put herself out like that?" Arthur asked, quite bitter. "She'll just get hurt."

"She's been hurt before…but she'll keep on trusting." I answered. "She's religious, Arthur. She believes that God gave everyone a sense of goodness in them. She's too forgiving for her own good."

"That's just too unrealistic."

"Well, let's just say that she hasn't been given the chance to have a trust broken."

Arthur stared at me with a strange look on his face. I, on the other hand, could vaguely remember back when we were in middle school. She was never the popular one, but it was to the point where she never had that many friends. It wasn't because she was stupid or annoying, no. In fact, she was getting decent grades and knew when to keep her mouth shut. Yet for some reason, she never had long-lasting friends. Even then, she never hated them.

I always wondered why.

I looked back at Arthur and saw that I was greatly depressing him. I should change the topic.

"Um…she can see fairies."

**~Charice~**

"Feli-kun? Are you still in here? _**Feli-kun!"**_

Considering how there wasn't a door here in the kitchen, I was completely sure that he was still in the room. Sure enough, I saw him sitting in the same seat where we had accidentally left him. His head was down and it was bobbing a bit, so I couldn't help but wonder if he fell asleep. I slowly approached him and he didn't move.

_Wow, this guy can sleep whenever he wants to._

I didn't know if I was hearing things or not, but I could've sworn that I heard him cry a little bit. Getting a little closer, I noticed that there was something that looked like a tear at the side of his eye. _Wait, can robots cry?_ This is really starting to confuse me a lot. He was muttering something in Italian…which of course meant I had no idea what he was saying.

"Feli-kun…" I took his shoulder. "Feli-kun, wake up."

He gasped a little bit, but it didn't even look like he woke up. It was only after he turned to face me that I realized that _oh damn,_ he's actually awake. The tear was still there, so I quickly wiped it out of the way. I did this before, whenever Rizal cried as a child, but for some reason Feli-kun thought it was weird.

"Are you OK?" I asked. "You were crying in your sleep."

"…n-no I wasn't."

"Sure, and what I did was figure out how soft your skin was." I sighed. "You were crying, Feli-kun. What's wrong?"

"…I thought you were going to leave me…"

"Leave you? Oh, blasphemy!" I hugged him _(natural reaction)_. "Arthur was harassing one of my brothers, so I had to help him! That doesn't mean that I would leave you! Oh, dear Feli-kun!"

I could never leave someone behind. I've been alone before, and I know that staying in it long enough just sucks. Feli-kun is way too innocent and nice to be ignored like that. Sure, he's older than me, but he's my **baby**. Even though he's…a little…warm and…big for a baby. But still, he has the baby smile! Maybe he's been ignored before…

"We should go check up on Rizal and Iggy-kun. God knows what he's doing to him."

"OK!" He chirped. _Back to normal._

I chirped as well as we headed out of the kitchen. Sure enough, I saw that they were talking to each other. But there was something…odd about Iggy-kun. For the most part he was…Feli-kunish. Way too Feli-kunish. And by the looks of things, Rizal seemed to know what was going on.

"Um…Rizal, what did you do?"

"Oh, easy." He grinned. "I put him in _Dere-dere_ mode."

**/=+=/**

**~Rizal~**

"So how old is Arthur, anyway?"

"According to the manual, he's twenty-three."

"Whoa, he's older than I am!" Charice chirped. "That makes him…old!"

"Yes, that does make him old. We get it." I laughed. "Don't say it too loudly, cause I don't think the showerhead is loud enough to drown you out."

"Oh, that's fine." She said. "If you're curious, Feli-kun fell asleep on the couch over there."

"Sheesh, this whole day's tired us out." I shook my head. "And I have a weird thought that these are the relatively sane ones."

"Sane…ones?"

"OK, I've looked this up while you were dealing with Feliciano." I stated. "This might be a lot of information, but I need you to focus, OK?"

"I can handle it. I'm a college student!"

I sighed and basically explained everything about the show as I have figured out. I tried to keep the information on the people that she knew _(which, when the show is based off of thousands of people and she only knew two, it was really REALLY hard)_, but she didn't seem to be that confused. After I stopped talking, that's when she decided to talk to me.

"So…this is all based off a show?"

"Anime show." I corrected.

"OK, that makes sense." She stated. "All anime shows have their own odd franchise going on."

"Yeah, but I don't think that they involve sending people units like them."

"They're people, Rizal." She sighed. "Not robots."

"Looking into _Chobits_, I see." I laughed. She was always one to give people sympathy. "So they have feelings, hence they're alive."

"Of course." She said. "Besides…it's not fair to them if we don't call them people. They eat and bathe like we do, so…"

"Yeah, that's true." I chuckled. "So are you going to be OK with a couple hundred people supposedly mooching off of us because we decided to order something online?"

"You bet." She answered. "As long as I got my Feli-kun."

"And what if we get Ludwig? Last time I checked, he is very attached to him."

"It doesn't matter. He'll always be my Feli-kun!" She chirped. "Besides, how many times have I been hurt before? I can handle another blow."

Maybe she was as masochistic as she was somewhat of a sadist. Would she really be ready for something like that? It didn't really matter, since that was a long ways off and all we have is now. Speaking of which, I could vaguely hear the showerhead turning off.

"Looks like he's done." I stood up. "I'll go take the next bath."

"OK."

**/=+=/**

**~Charice~**

Huh. This Ludwig guy really does pair up well with Feli-kun.

I turned off my computer as I rolled away from the table, looking up to the ceiling. According to the manual, it said that Feli-kun adores the blond guy. _Well, DUH. If the guy could secretly be the man that you fell in love with how many freakin' years ago._ **Mental Note:** Make them a couple when they send him.

"_And what if we get Ludwig?"_

Well, I'm pretty sure that Feli-kun won't just drop me down and run off after him. He's way too oblivious to know how to backstab. But by the looks of things, he's also too oblivious to know when he's backstabbing. Can't blame him, but…

Wow, Charice. Are you seriously getting yourself depressed? Come on, you only got two of these units! Wait until the rest of them get here, and THEN get depressed, like the rest of the world!

A faint knock echoed on my door, and I turned my head to see Feli-kun peek through the entrance. He was wearing the usual: a sailor shirt and a blue pillow, and this time he even remembered to wear boxers this time. He looked a little troubled, but I knew what he was going to ask.

"You know what? Maybe you should just use my room from now on!" I laughed. "If you like it that much!"

"Ve~~~it won't be the same without you…" He chirped. "I won't sleep here if it doesn't have my sister…"

"All right, I get it." I laughed. "Brush your teeth first!"

_Yeah…live in the now. That's all we can do._

**/=+=/**

**What the heck? Since when did this get all angsty? That's what you get when you start with two relatively sane people. It's going to run off somewhere…don't worry. I seriously promise.**


	5. The American Brothers

**All right, getting out of the emo district cause apparently it sucks. So more crack! Yays! Whoop-de-haddle-doo!**

**~Rizal~**

It's fun being the first person awake in the morning, considering that it's only 6:50 AM and I get free access to all of the cereal that are out at the time. Plus, if you think at how crazy the day usually gets _(with two sane people, nonetheless)_, it's something I can handle. If I recall the manual correctly, Arthur might wake up in about ten minutes. Good enough.

Before I stepped down on the final step however, the doorbell rang. I blinked in a bit of confusion before taking a peek through the peephole and seeing a familiar face. I straightened out my PJ shirt and opened the door with a blank look on my face.

"You said the next one is in two business days."

"Well, they told me to deliver to you the next batch." The guy answered. "Maybe they really like you."

_Or maybe these guys at the company seriously just wanted to dump these units on our house because no one likes them anymore._ Someone up there clearly doesn't like us.

Before I signed the clipboard and decided that I might as well accept these things like our house is a dumping site, I noticed something weird about this order: there were two boxes this time. My staring must've caught his attention, cause I heard him shake his head and laugh.

"Yeah, apparently it's a new store policy." He stated. "They have to send these two together as a unit set."

"…_**why?"**_

"Wish I knew." He lifted up two manila folders. "Have fun with them."

"Thanks."

I took the folders and dragged the two boxes in _(which, when doing alone, took FOREVER)_, before watching the teal car quickly drive away. Fortunately, the boxes were labeled with their perspective folder, so I won't be mixing operations together. I looked at the box labeled [01] and read the corresponding folder.

'_**ALFRED F. JONES: User Guide and Manual'**_

Fantastic. If this is supposed to be a set, then the other one would have to be…

'_**MATTHEW WILLIAMS: User Guide and Manual'**_

Charice is going to have a lot of fun with this guy. Wonder why they were sent as a set? Maybe they forgot and thought that Matthew was just a box filled with Alfred's stuff? Hey, if it works in the show, it probably translates to the damn work force. Maybe.

"Who was that at the door?"

I looked up and saw it was Arthur, rubbing his eyes and in his PJs _(actually, they were mine, but enough about those details)_. I looked at the watch at my hands. 7:00 on the dot. Interesting. So he's programmed like _**that.**_ Saves me half the trouble of buying him an alarm clock.

"Next batch. We're getting a whole party of them." I lifted the manuals. "You'd be interested on who they are."

"Really? Who are they?"

"The American bros."

I could've sworn that I saw Arthur blush at that statement. At least he isn't dumb enough to know what I was talking about. In that context, I decided that I was going to wake up Alfred once, just to see the look on Arthur's face. Maybe I am sadistic like that.

"Y-you want to wait until Charice and Feliciano wake up to activate them?"

Which basically translates into: _"Can you wait until I dress into something appropriate and presentable so that I don't look sloppy and unprofessional, which is definitely something that I don't want to look like in front of my former colonies?"_

"We can wait."

I saw Arthur blush a little bit before quickly dashing up the stairs. Once he was gone, I decided to screw it and take a glance in what I was going to use to wake them up. I dug through Alfred's manual and stared at the box before finally reading through the manual contents.

Option #1 involved the American National Anthem, which I still had on my laptop, so I can look in on this. The second option involved putting on a children's superhero show, but the nearest TV is a few feet away and I don't want him destroying my laptop. The third option involved accents _(meaning I would have to wait until Arthur came back…damn)_. And the forth option involves me getting extremely insulted…uh, no.

**~Charice~**

"_Good morning, sorella…"_

I looked up and saw that Feli-kun had woken up before me _(for once)_. That threw me out for a doozy, but then I realized something else that was weird: his eyes were OPEN. I have seen the color of his eyes before, but still…we're sharing a bed together. Apparently.

"Morning." I sat up. "Now that I'm up, we should probably get changed."

"Ve~~~of course, sorella!"

He nodded before getting out of the room, allowing me to change into my usual attire. This time, I opted for fingerless gloves _(cause fingerless gloves are in…and plus, mine are BLACK)_ as my accessory for the day. When I opened the door, I was surprised to see that Feli-kun was fully dressed _**again.**_ Where is his room?

"Is fratello awake?" He looked around.

"Most likely." I chirped. "Let's see if you're right."

We both shimmied to the lobby, surprised that Rizal was standing next to two different crates. Wait a minute…I thought they only delivered one box at a time! Since when did the dudes back in the company decide to do a "Buy One, Get One Free" sale? I was staring at the boxes and saw that Rizal had seen me.

"They said it was a new store policy." He answered before I could ask. "They had to send them as a set."

"Who's _'them',_ if I can ask."

"Alfred F Jones and…Matthew Williams."

_Oh. Those two. Northern and Southern America, right?_

_Or was it something else? I can't remember…_

"So who are you waking up first?"

"I was thinking Alfred." He answered with a laugh. "So do you know where the radio is?"

"Ve~~~I'll get it!"

Before I could argue, I saw Feli-kun dash out of the way into the depths of the house. Five seconds later, he came back with a portable radio. Wait, _since when did we have a portable radio?_ And where the heck did **that** come from? I'm getting extremely confused.

_Ah, screw it._

I got the radio from him and gave it to Rizal, who slipped a CD into it and started playing it. After a few seconds, I finally realized that it was the Star Spangled Banner again. He brought it up next to the box and waited for a reaction. Sure enough, I heard someone singing from inside the box.

And then it got horrible.

And horrible.

And even more horrible.

…

"_**AUUUUGGHHHH MAKE IT STOOOOOPPPPPP!"**_

**~Rizal~**

I just stood there, watching Feliciano and Charice writhe in pain and agony on the floor of the awful screaming. I was contemplating on whether or not I should do something _(the singing was pretty horrible)_ when I realized that the song had stopped, and so did the singing. I flipped open the latch and opened the door, allowing the blond man to come out.

"Woow, this place is huge!" He exclaimed. "This just _**SCREAMS**_ superhero!"

"Well, sorry to disappoint you, but this is out house. And as far as I'm concerned, we're not superheroes." I laughed.

"Aww…well that's fine, cause I'm a hero and that makes this a superhero manor!"

_Fantastic._ "You can call me Rizal, by the way. Rizal Pacquiao. The girl on the floor is my sister, Charice."

"Oh!" He turned to her. "Is she in pain?"

_From your horrible singing, but…OK._

Instantly, Alfred went out of nowhere and scooped up Charice like she was Lois Lane. She meeped in shock, but only because he did it so fast that she looked almost weightless. And if I know her, she _hated_ weightlessness. It was only from the whimpering of Feliciano that he finally snapped back into it.

"Oh, hey Feli." He grinned.

"A-Alfred…you're scaring sorella…"

"Eh?" He looked at her. "Oh, sorry!"

"Sure…no problem…OK…"

He put her down, which made her stumble around in a bit of shock. Before I could question it, someone was going down the stairs. And when I looked up, it was none other than Arthur in a combed out hair and a completely clean outfit. He and Alfred made eye contact, and I could've sworn he was blushing.

"A-A-Alfred!" He blinked. "You're awake!"

"Oh cool! You're here too!" Alfred chirped. "So how are these two?"

"They're…OK." He sighed. "More him than her, but-"

"**HEY!"** She argued. "You know what? _**YOU KNOW WHAT?"**_

_*silence*_

"We're activating Matthew."

"Wait, he's here too? Awesome!" He grinned. "Where is he?"

"Right here." I lifted the manual. "Hold on, I'll take a look."

I could barely see Feliciano peeking over Charice's shoulder as I dug into the manual. Unlike Alfred, his choices of activation are a lot more sane…except the one with the ice hockey game. We don't have cable, so that's not going to happen anytime soon. I don't think we have any access to the Canadian National Anthem, so that option's out. Maybe I could get Charice to make poutine…if she knows what it is. But then again, I don't know what poutine is, so nevermind. And the third option involved playing American music.

…

"Are any of you guys willing to listen to Miley Cyrus?"

"_**NO."**_ Charice spat. "She is horribly overrated and I'd rather listen to my Japanese and Korean boy bands as well as this hot new single Lost Get Found by Britt Nicole that I found yesterday."

"What if we need to play it to wake him up?"

"Then these programmers are horrible, horrible people. What's another choice?"

"Um…Lady Gaga."

"That…oh, I get it." She slapped her hands together. "There's a rumor going around that Lady Gaga was dating a Canadian named Matthew Williams! I remember that because lola covered it!"

"Wait, my brother's _**dating**_ her?" Alfred gasped. "Wow, way to go! Activate him soon so I can congratulate him!"

"OK, give me a minute…" I looked back at the manual. "OK, the final option involves playing Justin Bieber-"

"Now _**WHY**_ would you do that to the poor soul? _**He has done **__**NOTHING**__** wrong, and you're going to torture him so."**_ Charice growled. "You're worse than I am."

So playing the music is out. I shook my head and decided that I was going to have to do the French dialect. I rubbed the back of my head, trying to remember anything French, before I suddenly remembered something. I looked up to the box and placed my head next to it.

"_Matthieu, il est temps de se lever. Nous avons fait des crêpes que vous pourriez aimer."_

**~Charice~**

"Rizal, are you seducing the box?"

"No…" He looked at me with a strange look on his face. "I was telling him good morning and that we made pancakes."

No, I'm pretty sure that you were seducing the box.

"_Eh? C- crêpes?"_ A voice echoed from the box. I could barely hear it echo from the box.

"Oui. Crêpes. Aimez-vous le sirop dérable avec elle?"

"…_Oui."_

"All right." He smiled, pulling away from the box. "I'm letting you out."

I blinked in confusion as Rizal stopped seducing the box and began to unlatch the other side of the box. Once it was open, a figure peeked out of the box. It had long yellow hair and a familiar spiral curl peek out, and shining blue eyes looked around past the glasses.

…

I would so seduce THAT box.

"So…" Rizal walked to him. "Are you ready for those pancakes?"

"_E-eh?"_ He looked at Rizal. _"Y-you can see me?"_

"Well, unless you aren't wearing a red hoodie and jeans, then yes I can see you." He smiled. "So do you want pancakes?"

"_O-of course…"_ He blushed. _"M-my name is Matthew Williams…"_

"I'm Rizal. The girl over there is-"

_***BAM!***_

"-Charice."

**~Rizal~**

Wow. She's quick to tackle people.

I just stood there as I was gleefully entertained by the image of Charice strangling a Canadian to death. Whether it was because he looked pretty cute or because she wanted to extract her revenge on Canada for the gift of Justin Bieber, I was too afraid to ask. Then she was squealing. Yeah, totally because he was cute.

"**AIYO, MATTHEW!"** She chirped. "I'm Charice!"

"_Um…my name is Matthew…"_ He answered, flustered.

"Eh?" She looked at him. "Hey, aren't you from Canada?"

"_Y-yes…actually, I-"_

"That's it! From now on, I'm calling you Maple-kun!"

Before Matthew had a chance to argue, Feliciano and Charice joined hands and started dancing around him singing _"Maple-kun, Maple-kuuuun~"_ while the poor Canadian looked at them with a look that seemed to ask if he should just ship himself back to the company. That didn't sound like a bad idea.

"Uh, Charice?" I stepped forward. "I promised him pancakes, so…"

"Don't worry! I'll have pancakes in a jiffy!" She chirped. "Feli-kun! Maple-kun! _**TO THE KITCHEN!"**_

And I watched as they marched toward the kitchen with a jump in their step _(less Matthew than the rest of them, but heck at least he's seen)_. I turned my head to see a flabbergasted Arthur and Alfred, laughing his head out so loudly that he could destroy our windows.

"I like her already!" He chirped.

"Yeah." I pointed to the kitchen. "If you have preferences in what you want to eat, you may want to request it to her before she makes pancakes-"

_**GONE.**_

"Bloody hell! He always has to run so bloody fast…" Arthur sighed. _"I swear, they're all nutburgers…"_

"Well, nutburgers or not…" I folded my arms behind my head. "You're living with them."

I've never seen him cry so hard.

**/=+=/**

**Happy happy joy joy since I got an update! So…who's happy?**


	6. All's Fair in Love and Pancakes

**Hallelujah, more chapters to come! I promise I won't be rapid-firing these units into their lives **_**(I just needed to add MADNESS, and Feli-kun and Iggy-kun aren't enough as of yet!)**_** after this, and you'll see enough crack to like it!**

**~Rizal~**

After muttering to myself that this is completely safe, me and Arthur entered the kitchen, where we noticed the four of them singing something while making pancake batter. Then again, since Alfred is horrible in singing, all we heard was him. It was hard enough to make my ears bleed. At least I don't jump to the ground and beg for mercy. However, the others were singing so loudly that I didn't hear the singing as much.

"Aaaaannnddddd…the pancakes are ready!" Charice chirped. "Hey, Al-kun! Your pancakes are ready!"

"Eh? But I asked for sausage!" Alfred blinked.

"Wait…then who asked for pancakes?"

"Ve~~~I want pancakes!"

"So it was only Feli-kun? OK!" Charice chirped. "Maple syrup is in the fridge!"

"_B-but…I asked for pancakes."_

"Eh?"

"Charice…he asked for pancakes." I pointed to him. "Remember? Matthew?"

"Oh, right! Wait…" She was muttering something to herself.

**~Charice~**

Alfred was Canada, Matthew was America, right? Wait a minute. If Alfred was Canada, I thought Canada asked for pancakes. But he didn't ask for pancakes, so that would mean that _Matthew_ asked for pancakes. I didn't know that America wanted pancakes. Wait, something's not right…

Alfred was Al-kun…

Matthew was…

…

"Oh, **RIGHT!** **MAPLE-KUN!**" I laughed. "Sorry, I thought you were America! Here's your plate! Like I said, syrup and butter is in the fridge."

"_Um…all right…thank you…"_

He looked a little depressed, so I gave him one of my sympathy hugs. It seemed to work, since he gave me a small smile before he went to get his maple syrup. I threw an "a-OK" grin at Rizal, who seemed to be concerned about the poor guy. Little brother bond, I guess. It's weird, concerning the fact that even though Matthew was young, the manual says that he's still older than Rizal. That's weird.

"Hey, Charice right?" I heard the actual Alfred chirp. "Do you mind if you make bacon and eggs?"

"Got 'em out!" I chirped. "Anyone else?"

"Do you know where the tea bags are?" Arthur asked.

"Second cabinet, next to the insta-noodles!" I turned to him. "I only got green tea and chai."

"Chai it is." Arthur pulled it out.

"So…the rest of you want pancakes?" I turned my head.

"Ve~~~whatever Charice can make!" Feliciano clasped his hands together.

"All right!" I pumped my fist. "Let's do this!"

**/=+=/**

Everyone stared at the food in front of them. Whether it was because they were baffled at the beauty in front of them or because they were scared that it was secretly England's cooking, I'll never figure it out. Nonetheless, after Rizal ate it and didn't succumb to death Alfred inhaled a whole mouthful of it and screamed…something.

"…what?"

More screaming of…something else.

"OK, sure." _Whatever he said._

"I think he's enjoying himself." Rizal blinked. "Either that or he's choking on something."

"He's not turning blue…" Feli-kun stated.

"Feli-kun…you're looking at Maple-kun!"

"Ve~? Who?"

"You know…Alaska?"

"Canada, Charice. _**Canada.**__"_

"Canada…Canada?" I darted to my feet. "Justin Bieber, _**what?**_ No no no, this can't be happening…"

"_Eh? I'm sorry, I'm sorry…I wasn't expecting him to be that big of a star…"_

"**DEATH…"**

**~Rizal~**

Well, when you're eating a breakfast with only one girl, all you get entertained with is the fact that your sister is strangling a Canadian just because of Justin Bieber. Feliciano was trying his best to save him, so all I had to do was sit there with my mouth filled with eggs. Apparently Alfred was having a hell of a time with this.

"Should we do something?" Arthur asked.

"Leave it be. She'll zoom out of it somehow."

Arthur sat there in confusion _(I get that as a normal reaction)_ as Charice continued to make him suffer, Feliciano begging her to stop. Suddenly, she paused, catching everyone's attention. Her grip was rapidly shaking before her head darted around.

"_**WHAT?"**_

"Ve~~~~~!" Feliciano jumped back with waving hands. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry! Don't hurt me, please! I surrender, I surrender!"

"Eh? Ah-! _**My baby!"**_ She threw Matthew on the ground and hugged him. _"I'm so sorry, sweetie…it's OK, it's OK…"_

I could literally hear Arthur's jaw crash into the ground as Charice cuddled Feliciano close to her, the unconscious Canadian on the ground and clearly out of it. All Feliciano was doing was _"ve~"_ing cutely, so I guess she won in this situation somehow. Meanwhile, Alfred was still laughing.

"I like her even more now!" He declared. "Are we staying here?"

"Of course! Mi casa es su casa!" Charice answered, still cuddling Feliciano. "Stay here as much as you want!"

It was then that I realized that she was staring straight at Arthur, unnerving him. After a few minutes, everyone was staring at him. He was trying to collect himself as he drank his tea in peace. However, Charice was now sitting right in front of him, her finger reaching out.

"W-what?" Arthur finally said.

"…we need to do something to you…"

"E-eh?"

"Iggy-kun, I finally got it!" She darted up. "We're shaving your eyebrows!"

"_**HAH?"**_

"Feli-kun, Al-kun, let's go! Off to shave the British eyebrows!"

Before I knew it, she heaved Arthur on her shoulder, rallied up the crowd, and then dashed into the depth of the house that I probably didn't even see before. I looked around and realized that they even took their breakfast with them. Not only that, but they even ran over poor Matthew. I blinked and went over his body.

"Um…are you OK?"

He stirred and turned his head toward me. I don't know what the heck happened, but before I knew it he darted himself up to a sitting position and scurried away from me with a strange blush on his face. I couldn't help but laugh at his reaction. He's basically everything you'll never see Alfred do.

"She's gone, Matthew. It's just me."

"_O-oh…I see…"_ He rubbed the back of his head. _"I-I'm sorry if I complicated things…"_

"Nah, it's fine. She's off shaving Arthur's eyebrows as we speak."

"_Eh? O-Oh my…"_

"Yeah." I blinked and stared at him. "Hey, didn't you have a bear last time?"

"_O-oh! Kumakichi!"_ He looked around. _"W-where is he?"_

That's odd. I thought it was Kumajiro.

"Oh, I think I know. Hold on a minute."

He stared at me for a minute before letting me go. I stood up and went to what was left of his box in the lobby, noticing the small box that was next to it. I opened it and saw what I was looking for: a small white bear. The minute I touched it, it looked up to me with a blank look on its face.

"…who are you?"

"Like you want to know that now." I answered with a smirk. "There's someone here that you should meet."

I lifted him up with ease _(he was lighter than I thought)_ and turned myself around to see Matthew walk into the lobby. The minute their eyes met, his eyes lit up and he quickly took a hold of the bear. He actually looked a little happier than before…even before Charice tried to shatter all the bones in his body.

"_There you are! I was so worried."_

"…who are you?"

"_Canada…"_ He sighed. _"Why doesn't anyone remember me?"_

"Would you rather everyone remember you for given them Justin Bieber?"

"…_I guess that's true…"_

"But enough about that." I smiled. "Seeing as how we're completely abandoned here, you want to go watch TV? We don't have cable, so…"

"_I-I guess so…"_ He nodded. _"What do you have?"_

"Wish I knew." I looked at the clock. "Well…all they have now are those daytime talk shows, so…"

**/=+=/**

After a few minutes of barely had conversation, we all decided that we were going to watch a horror film. I didn't even know what the title was. All I knew that there was a lot of screaming in it. Sometimes, I would hear screaming from behind us, but after a while I gave up on that.

"Hey, Matthew…can I ask you something?"

"_Huh? Y-yes, of course you can."_ He answered. _"What's up?"_

"You're nineteen, right?"

"_Yes, I am. So is Alfred, if you're curious."_

"Ah, I see." I tried to recall information that I found on the Internet, but found myself failing horribly. "When's your birthday?"

"_M-my birthday? Um…July 1__st__."_ He blushed. _"No one ever asked me that before…"_

"July 1st. And Alfred's birthday is July 4th." I nodded and chuckled. "Wouldn't that mean that you're the older brother?"

"_E-eh? M-my god…that's right…"_ He held his mouth. _"I-I never thought of that before!"_

"Seriously? That never crossed your mind? Huh." I laughed. "But don't get your hopes up. Just because you're older doesn't mean that you can do anything about it."

"_T-that's true…I'm always mistaken for my brother all the time…"_ Matthew sighed. _"It's annoying now and then…"_

"You're not the only one who had that problem." I laughed. "Charice loved to dress up like a guy back in high school. When we were in the same building, everyone always thought that I was her."

"_Y-you had that problem to?"_

"Yeah. It was like that until she finally got something resembling breasts."

"_S-she's flat-chested?"_

"Somewhat…"

The screaming on the TV screen began to get even louder, making Matthew shiver a little bit. Then there was screaming from behind us, but after a while I figured that it was the HD speakers that was installed in the room. They were pretty good, last time I checked. I turned and saw that Matthew was shaking a bit.

"Are you scared?" I couldn't help but ask.

"_A-a little…"_ He blushed. _"But it's not as bad as my brother…he's terrified of any type of horror film."_

"That's weird. I thought America was good at these horror films."

"_He never watches them, though…"_ Matthew laughed. _"It's just one of those things."_

"Well, that's interesting and a bit contradicting. It's like saying you're Canadian but you hate maple syrup."

"_B-but I love maple syrup!"_

"That's my point." I laughed. "It just doesn't make any sense."

"_But…I guess the world doesn't make any sense, doesn't it?"_

"No, not really." I answered, leaning back on the couch. "Hey, I want to ask you something."

"_Y-yes? What is it?"_

"Why do you whisper all the time? I think you would be noticed a little more if you can just speak up."

"_W-whisper? But I'm talking normally…"_

Well, that would explain some things…

"_Hey…Rizal, right?"_ He turned to me. _"How old are you?"_

"I'm eighteen, actually." I answered. "That makes me the youngest person in this house."

"_But…you're so mature. I thought you'd be the oldest sibling."_

"I had to grow up…that way my sister doesn't end up dying in a ditch or accidentally killing someone there." I had to laugh at that one. "Sometimes, she would forget that I'm the younger one. I would have to remind her myself."

"_T-that's a weird thing to forget, you know…"_

"Oh, and being constantly forgotten isn't?"

He paused, catching my attention. There was more screaming coming on from all around us, but that didn't really scare us. It was after an explosion that Matthew jumped…oddly closer to me. He blushed and leaned back away, the bear not having a clue what the heck happened.

"_W-what are you talking about?"_ He blinked. _"It's not…normal?"_

"No. In this society, even the people everyone hates have someone remembering them." I turned to him. "But I guess being accidently thought as someone else would count in something…"

"_T-that's all I get, though…oh, but there are a few exceptions!"_

"Really?" I grinned. "Name me a few."

"_W-well, there's my brother…and my father, Francis…and this guy Gilbert…"_ He looked up. _"W-what? Why are you staring at me like that?"_

"You're forgetting someone." I laughed. "Me."

"_Y-you?"_ He blinked. _"You can tell the difference between me and Alfred…?"_

"It's not that hard. I mean, you have longer hair than Alfred and have that odd curl on your head…" I smiled. "Not to mention that there're few people out there that I've seen that have purple eyes."

"_H-huh? S-since when do you know my eye color…?"_

"I can't help but notice it. It's pure violet…a lot different from others I've seen."

"_T-that can't be right…I don't even see a hint of purple when I look in the mirror…"_

"Hm? Well, let's see…"

Without even hesitating, I leaned in toward him and looked deep into his eyes. I think he was fidgeting, somehow, yet all I can hear is the random screaming from whatever angle it's coming from. After a few minutes, I just chuckled and leaned back, seeing him relax.

"Yep…your eyes are definitely purple."

Matthew was taken aback by that statement _(how, exactly?)_ when I heard screaming…and it wasn't from the movie. We both looked up and heard that people were running around rampant in the house, someone screaming for mercy and a girl _(oh boy, Charice…)_ screaming at him to come back here. A few seconds after that, the doors slammed into the room, revealing a terrified Arthur.

"Get. Me. Out. Of. Here." He sobbed.

_Huh…I think he's in his Terrified mode…_ I blinked. _But…no one raped him as of yet…_

"Arthur, get back here! We haven't done your eyebrows yet!" I heard Charice scream.

Arthur sobbed as he slammed the doors closed and proceeded to hide underneath the couch. The stomping feet approached and vanished and approached again, until they just stopped. I looked at Matthew with a blank look on my face before proceeding to look at a terrified Arthur crying underneath the couch.

"Well…you're showing your brave side to Alfred there…"

"…_shut up…bloody git…"_

**/=+=/**

**Well, I'm happy :D**


	7. Da

**More fun with the units. Apparently, Charice can activate Arthur's **_**Terrified**_** mode without any form of rape. That's so sad concerning Arthur, but you know what? We can laugh at the British people more :D**

**Cause guess what? MORE UNITS!**

**/=+=/**

**~Rizal~**

It's been two days since we got the American brothers into the house. Quite frankly, the only thing that had changed was that Charice had given up trying to tweeze Arthur's eyebrows. It was too bad; I wanted to see him with human sized lines on his face. I had to shrug it off as I got out of bed and walked out of the room _(I gave up trying to dress up neatly anymore)_.

As I headed out to the kitchen for a simple breakfast, I was surprised to hear a worried _"ve~"_ from the lobby. I blinked in confusion before allowing myself to walk down the stairs. Sure enough, I saw the familiar Italian wandering around the room with a troubled look on his face as if he was lost.

"Um, if you forgot about it Feliciano…you live in our house. Remember me? Rizal?"

"Ve~~~Charice wasn't with me when I woke up…"

I paused.

"I don't know where she went. All that was left when I woke up was this note that said PACM…I don't know what that means…"

"Ah." I laughed. "Don't worry, she's fine."

"Ve~? You know what that means?"

"It's an acronym: Pasta, Apples, Cake, and Meat. They're her favorite foods. It basically means she's out doing groceries." I shrugged. "You'll get used to it."

"Ve~~~I wish she could've told me…"

"She didn't want to wake you up, that's all. She does that to everyone." I laughed. "It's kinda bad, since she'll end up leaving you there on the bed until noon."

"Hm…I guess so…"

"She won't be long. Don't worry about it." I turned around. "You want breakfast before she comes back? Or do you want to wait?"

"…I'm OK."

"We'll wait."

Maybe he's just addicted to Charice's cooking…

He sighed with his normal cute look on his face when I heard light footsteps on the staircase. By the look on Feliciano's face, he didn't hear it. It was extremely light _(as if it was as light as a feather)_, so I barely heard it as well. There was only one person that I figured would be the one walking toward us.

"Morning, Matthew." I turned my head. "You're up early."

"_I-It's an old hunting habit."_ He smiled.

"Eh? Who's Matthew?" Feliciano blinked.

"The more reasonable and practical version of Alfred Jones." I answered. "Does that answer any of your questions?"

"Ve~~~one…"

"_Hey, Rizal…where's Charice? I don't hear her in the kitchen…"_

"She's buying groceries as we speak." I answered. "She'll be back, don't worry."

Matthew nodded lightly as he held Kumajiro close to him like a little girl. From the back of my mind, I can just imagine Charice hiding somewhere in the shadows, waiting to pounce on this boy and strangle him senseless. After confirming that everyone is alive, we heard a doorbell ring. Before I could even turn around, someone had run right down the stairs from the other side of the house and threw the door open. How did I know it was Alfred?

"Good **MORNING**, my fellow American!" He chirped.

"…A simple hi would suffice in this situation, dude."

Feliciano chirped as he was happy to see Charice back in the house. He peeked over Alfred's shoulder as my sister moved into the room with her arms filled with grocery bags. After a few minutes, I realized that she was looking at me with a semi-concerned look on her face.

"There's a familiar face at the door." She said. "You might want to answer it."

I stared at her in confusion, only seeing everyone in the room vanish into the kitchen. Suddenly, the door bell rang. I only had one person in mind as I turned to open it, and sure enough I was right: it was creepy dude that always brought the boxes whenever they think we're being lonely in this poor, poor building.

"Having fun coming here?"

"Sometimes. Other times, I don't." He lifted up the pen. "You know the drill."

"Unfortunately, I do." I sighed. "Where's the manual…"

I waited there as he handed me the big manila folder and left me with one of the biggest boxes that I have ever seen in my life. Once he was gone, I single-handedly tried to heave the heavy box back into the room. No, never mind the fact that there were three perfectly capable people able to help me. I can handle this…

_Well, I guess that means I get first dibs in figuring out who this person is…_

'_**IVAN BRAGINSKI: User Guide and Manual'**_

Ivan? Huh…what nation was that again? Uh…oh yeah, Russia. So we finally get a Russian in the house. Hey, wasn't anyone in the house scared of this guy? I can't remember. Maybe I'll ask around or something…

"Hey, who's the new guy?" I heard Alfred remark.

"It's Ivan."

The whole room went dead silent. I blinked, wonder if I pronounced his name wrong. Do they do it the American way, or the Russian way **[1]**? I can't remember anymore…oh well, so much for that. After a few minutes, I realized that Feliciano was hiding behind Charice…again. The fact that Matthew was hiding behind her was a new twist.

"Proceed with caution?" I asked.

"Proceed with caution." Alfred confirmed.

"All right…back to the manual."

I quickly flipped toward the activation process, looking at each one carefully. One of them had a Russian word, so I might be able to use that. The second one involved yelling something about the Cold War, but I don't want this guy to be anything past calm and Alfred's in the room. I'm not paying for damages. That also rules out the Chinese food as well. Too bad, since I was in the mood for Chinese food. The forth method mentioned national anthems, but after the last incident I realized that I would have to relook into that, so I'm going to rule that out.

"Is anyone willing to shake him awake?"

Everyone stared at me with a look that seemed to say _**"ARE YOU INSANE?"**_

"All right…I might as well try to pronounce this then…"

"Pronounce what?"

"This."

**-This one, if you're curious. -+3) [**Брат**]**

"Oh, don't worry!" Charice chirped. "I got this! Leave it to me, I'll get this guy into submission!"

Does she even know how to pronounce that?

Charice rolled up her sleeves and lightly shooed Feliciano and Matthew off her shoulders, muttering something similar to the words _"leave this to mama"_. Then she straightened out her shirt and her gloves, cracked her knuckles, stormed right up to the box and screamed the word "Брат"!

Uh…let me correct that statement. She didn't actually say "Брат", she said something on the premise of "buh-PAAHH…" _(and yes, she did accent the pah sound)_.

"Charice…" I sighed. "There's a T in the word."

"Right, right…" She laughed. "I…I was just warming up!"

"All right, have fun."

"Of course…watch my talent to the max!"

She then screamed out "buh-PPAAAAHHHHT!"

And then "b-pat!" _(She had a fun time screaming that.)_

Then she tried "gi-paaaat!"

And then before I knew it, she was trying to speak Na'vi [2].

We had to stop her after she started screaming the word _**"ANASTASIA! ANASTASIA!"**_

"You can't pronounce it, Charice. Give up." I sighed.

"Who the hell is yelling so bloody loud? It's seven o' five in the bloody morning!"

I looked up and saw that Arthur was rubbing the back of his head, tired out of his brain and clearly grumpy because Charice can't pronounce Russian for her life. All I had to do was point at the box and he instantly got what I meant. He didn't bother to ask who; everyone's shocked faces only gave him a good idea. That's when the manual gave me an idea.

"Wait, Alfred. You speak Russian, right?"

"Of course!" He answered.

"Can you help me pronounce that?"

"Let me see…oh, I know this." Alfred looked up. "It's br-ah-t."

"Br-ah-t."

"Yep." Alfred nodded.

"So basically…you're screaming the word brat to him in an English accent."

"No, it means brother, if I remember correctly!" Alfred nodded.

_He remembers something?_

"Care to give yourself some redemption, Charice?"

"Of course, of course!" She grinned.

After five minutes of random screaming, she reached up to the box and screamed "Брат" _(the real pronunciation this time)_. It was then that I was aware that there was someone sobbing from in the box. Before I could reach in to open the box, Charice took a peek in slowly. The sobbing grew worse.

"_**Hellooo theeerrreee, **__**Брат**__** …"**_

Needless to say, the fact that the scariest character in the box is being subdued by a twenty year old female was kind of shocking, to say the least. I got the broom and shooed her away _(my exact words were "bad Charice, bad")_ before finally allowing the poor guy out of the box. He looked surprised.

"You are not Natalya." He stated.

"Neither is she." I pointed to Charice. "She's my sister, Charice. I'm Rizal, the younger brother."

"Ah. привет, Rizal."

"Um…привет, right?" I nodded. "Is that your way to say hello?"

"_Da."_

Was Matthew shaking?

"I see." I nodded. "Nice to meet you too. And forgive Charice for what she did, she just likes scaring people."

"That's fine."

**~Charice~**

"привет, Charice."

"Right back at you." I grinned. "I just suck at pronouncing stuff, don't mind me."

"I don't mind." He answered with a smile. "Is there any chance that you have breakfast?"

"Of course, of course! I can cook anything you wish…depends if you know what I'm making exactly." I saluted. "Do you want anything specific?"

"_Da._ Your…specialty, if that is what you Americans call it-"

All of a sudden, there was someone breaking out into maniacal laughter. We all turned our heads and saw that Matthew was now laughing to himself in a way that seemed to remind me of Death Note. Remember that scene? The one with the creepy Light laugh, whatever that one was? Exactly. It was so creepy that he actually dropped that poor bear in his hands. He quietly crawled toward Feliciano as if he didn't really care.

"Um…hey, bro?" Alfred blinked. "Are you…OK?"

"I'm doing just fine…" He chuckled, a lot louder than usual. "In fact, I'm doing _**SWELL!**_ I feel more alive than ever!"

OK, now he's starting to scare me. Wait a minute…random cackling…the fact that he's scaring the crap out of everyone _(except Ivan, cause he doesn't seem to mind)_. I've read that in Matthew's manual before…somewhere in the troubleshooting method. What was it again?

**[CONGRATULATIONS! You've unlocked the **_**Cracked**_** mode!]**

_**FFFFFFFFFF-**_

"Oh crap, he's lost it! We have to get him down, STAT!"

"Hey, Matthew! Stop attacking Arthur!" Alfred turned to him. "What's wrong with you?"

"This is my revenge…this is for ignoring me for so long!" He laughed. "Don't worry, though. I won't hurt you…once you all become one with me…"

_**FFFFFFFFFFF-**_

"OK, anyone know how to stop him?" Rizal asked, looking more confused than scared out of his wits _(which he SHOULD BE!)_.

"I remember that it has something to do with the bear as a distraction, but…" I turned around. "Feli-kun!"

"V-ve~~?"

"Quick! Pick up Kumajiro and distract Maple-kun!"

"_**VE~?**__**"**_

"We'll make it quick! Just do it before Iggy-kun gets ripped apart like a Twilight vampire!"

"O-OK!" Feliciano lifted up the bear. "Over here! Over here…it's the bear, it's the bear!"

Matthew looked up and instantly saw the bear. Just as the manual said, he was slowly approaching Feli-kun, his mouth going into a wide grin and looking as if he was going to mentally destroy him before ripping apart his limbs. Meanwhile, poor Feli-kun was starting to panic, willing to drop the bear and get the heck out of there. _OK, Charice, __**THINK!**_ _What can reprogram him?_

***BAM!***

I looked up and saw that not only had Ivan gotten the metal pipe from his box, he actually succeeded in smacking him upside the head. _Hard_. Feli-kun shivered in shock as he dropped the bear next to him. He crawled toward Matthew and licked his face, and he stirred.

"_Mm…w-what happened?"_

"Um…nothing…much." I blinked. "Are you OK?"

"_I'm…fine. I just have a headache…"_ He blinked. _"W-why's everyone looking at me like that?"_

"Uh…I'll tell you later."

Meanwhile, I happened to notice that Alfred was lifting a semi-unconscious Arthur from the ground. He groaned before shaking his head, and then _(after making awkward eye contact)_ proceeded to throw himself away from the American with a face so red it could bleed by itself.

"So…who wants breakfast?"

**/=+=/**

**[1] ****The American way to pronounce Ivan is, of course, "eye-vaan". The Russian way to pronounce it **_**(taken from **__**Flashlight**__**, actually!)**_** is "ee-van".**

**[2] ****Remember Avatar? Just had to state it in case no one knew what I meant.**

**More units. Yay. Maybe I'm going too fast? I dunno, I just really wanted Russia in here…**


	8. We Found a Pool!

**More updates for the poor Pacquiao Twins! Actually, more poor for them than me…oh well :D**

**~Rizal~**

I had to admit, seeing everyone avoiding Matthew as we went into the kitchen was the most entertaining thing I have ever seen in the world. I mean, poor Matthew had to figure out what the problem is, but at least the Canadian was redeemed for once. It's funny, if you think about it.

"_W-why are they scared of me?"_

"Wish I knew." I lied with a convincing shrug. "Maybe they don't like purple eyes."

Matthew bought it, cause he ended up walking away and going next to Alfred, who ended up panicking and ran headfirst into the kitchen. Before I knew it, I saw Charice in the kitchen working on about five different dishes and was telling Feliciano to straighten up and set up the table.

"You need help there, ate?" I turned my head.

"Nah, I'm doing well!" She jumped to at two skillets. "Doing just swell!"

Needless to say, that phrase caused countless of shivers to run down everyone's spine and poor Matthew to wonder what the heck was going on. I had to give him an _'I'll-tell-you-later'_ glance, part of me a little worried that he'll snap and try to kill me too. He nodded quietly and tried to hide behind his bear. Thank god Charice wasn't looking.

"This is a very enthusiastic family, da?" Ivan smiled. "It's fun to be here."

"Wait until we pass noontime." I grinned. "My name is Rizal, by the way. You'd be surprised that I'm the youngest person here."

"Youngest? Ne~~~that's interesting."

"The girl up there's Charice, my older sister. She's the chef around the place, and she'll do requests as best as she can."

"That's interesting." He turned to her. "Nice to meet you, Charice."

"Of course, Ivan-kun!" She chirped. "You don't mind if I feed you something American, right?"

"I don't mind."

"**AWESOME!** American food, it is!"

Ivan smiled as she turned to make whatever she was making at the time _(I really wasn't paying attention)_, giving everyone a small smile and generally freaking everyone out. I wonder why, since Russia's no longer communist or something like that. People call him _Yandere_ though, so that's a good start.

"So…Ivan. Do you mind all this company?"

"Da."

From the corner of my eye, I saw Matthew shaking a little more. No one else seemed to notice that, so I figured that he was just cold. Wait…cold in California during the summertime? Unless he's standing right underneath the air vent, that isn't possible…

"Are you sure?"

"Of course. It's fun to watch everyone talk and interact. It makes me feel like part of the gang, da?"

Matthew started shaking again, this time Alfred had to counter shake him to calm him down. _**[**__Mental Note__: Russian "da"s make Canadians crack.__**]**_ Better make sure Charice gets a hold of that before he hurts someone again. And again. And again. You get my drift.

"Nice to hear that." I stated. "You're part of the dysfunctional family now, so you'll have to get used to it."

"What makes this family dysfunctional?" Arthur spat, clearly offended.

"Alfred…and Charice."

What? That was it.

"Thanks for that…"

"You're welcome, sis."

**~Charice~**

I swear, there's just something snarky about this kid that makes me…very envious. I never get good comebacks like that guy. Maybe it's because he's been hanging around more teenagers than I do? Wow, Charice…what a way to say that you're getting extremely old…

"All right, come and get it!"

Everyone chirped as I handed out the good stuff. By the looks of things, Ivan-kun seemed to really like my cooking. That will be signified by the fact that he was eating it at the first bite and then took another one…and another one…and then chirped.

**[****ME****]-** 1

**[****IVAN****]-** 0

This looks like good odds :D

"Ve~~~~what's today's agenda, Charice?" Feli-kun chirped.

"Actually…I haven't thought of anything."

For some reason, everyone's faces looked deeply relieved _(except for Feli-kun, of course)_, making me wonder just what they were thinking. What, they don't like my plans or something?

"Oh, actually, I was exploring the manor a little more." Rizal stated. "I found a pool somewhere in the back that still looks nice and useable."

…

"**I WANT THE POOL!"**

"_**HELL FREAKIN' NO!**_** I'M GETTING FIRST DIBS!"**

I grinned at Alfred as we dashed toward the back of the manor. After a few minutes, we realized that we had no idea where the hell we were going. After that, we realized that we just liked running around the manor like nutcases :D

"Ve~~~! I found the pool, sorella!"

"_**YAAAAAAAYYY!"**_

We both pushed each other out of the way as we looked at the pool in front of us. It looked like something out of Hurricane Harbor, with its complete awesomeness and everything. Actually, with the windows covering the entire pool, it could rain and we can still be in the pool. I'm so decorating this place later.

"All right, you found the pool." Rizal came in. "Here. I thought you needed this."

"Eh?"

Oh, right… a bathing suit. I needed that. He continued to point out how everyone else needed a bathing suit in order to swim, but by the looks of things no one gave a crap. Truth is, Rizal shared the same boxer size with the rest of these guys _(except Ivan-kun…since he's so freakin' big)_.

"Please change over there." Rizal pointed to the two bathrooms. "Charice, the ladies' bathroom is on the left. The rest of us are on the right. If someone goes to peek at her, _**I will kill you."**_

The fact that he said it so casually freaked everyone out of business, so everyone ran into the bathrooms. I shrugged and walked into the ladies' bathroom to change. The bathroom did look pretty nice, with the brown wallpaper and the bowl sink that I've only seen in hotels. Nonetheless, I wasn't paying attention and I was in my bathing suit before the end of five minutes.

_Yeah…I'm getting fat._

I got the door to swing open and found out that I just bashed someone on the face. But when I looked at who I hit, I saw absolutely nothing. Seriously. Like I just hit air that happened to solidify for the most random of reasons. Which could really only mean one thing.

"Did I hit you, Maple-kun?"

Nothing. Maybe he's still invisible?

"Um…are you bleeding, Maple-kun?"

"…_no, I'm fine…"_

There we go.

"Are you sure? Your head is really…um…hurt."

"_I-I'm fine…really…"_

"All right…" I grinned. "Hey, where's that bear you've been hanging out with?"

"_Kumajiro? H-he's at the side of the pool, last time I checked…"_

"Oh, there he is." I blinked. "Hey, you don't have to wait for anyone. You can just-"

Wait a minute. Can robots even jump into a pool without malfunctioning or just failing horribly? I do remember how there was a section in the manual that had something to do with bathing…but do they mean water or some type of soap substance or something? Are we sure that we can even drop them in water?

"_Eh? C-Charice? Are you all right?"_

"Yeah, I'm fine." I answered with a sigh. "Just…thinking about something."

It was then that I saw another door open up and slam Maple-kun over the head again, and I saw as Al-kun dash through the door and jump headfirst in the water. Yes, I panicked. I dashed to the side and watched as Al-kun shot up from the side of the water.

"Hey~! You want to come in?"

_Holy crap, they do function in water…do they electrocute it?_ I tapped it. _Nope, I'm fine._

Yes, I jumped in.

I started swimming and flailing around, throwing all the volleyballs that were in the pool at Al-kun and seeing as he threw it back. Hopefully he didn't lob my head off with his whatever the hell of a throw that he has that I believe had chipped the marble…I am not kidding.

"Ve~~~~stop scaring sorella, Alfred!"

We both turned around and saw Feli-kun walking in with the rest of the group, that chirpy smile on his face. I couldn't help but chirp as he leaned over toward me and chuckled with that cute _"ve~"_ in his voice. I pinched his cheek and chuckled at his startled _"ve~"_.

"You're so cute, Feli-kun~!" I chirped. "Are you going to come in~?"

"Ve~~~~of course I am!" He lightly jumped in. "I love the water!"

"Can you swim, Feli-kun?"

"Just a little bit…" He answered, blushing. "Don't worry about me."

"All right~!" I grinned. "Then let's have fun~!"

Man, makes me wish that I can swim.

**~Rizal~**

I couldn't help but turn around and stare at Ivan's smile on his face as we walked out toward the pool. I stared at Feliciano as he jumped into the pool and continued to party with Charice and Alfred. Before I knew it, Matthew was in the water and Arthur was drinking tea in his swimming trunks at the corner of the pool.

"Aren't you going to swim, Arthur?"

"Of course not, bloody git." He sighed. "I can't trust myself around Alfred."

"Oh, true."

I shrugged as I saw Feliciano and Charice start a volleyball tournament with Alfred and Matthew. Before I knew it, it became nothing more than rapid flailing of arms and legs in order to reach for the ball and failing horribly. I had to admit, it was a little funny to watch.

"Ah…this is fun to watch, da?"

"Yeah, I know…" I turned to Ivan. "What? You're not going to swim?"

"Maybe later…watching them seems to be more fun than participating."

"What are you talking-"

I looked up and watched as Feliciano started flailing toward the ball even though it had already hit the surface of the water, going so far as to dive into the other side of the pool.

"OK, now I know what you mean."

"Hey, dude! Get back to the other side!"

"Ve~~~~I got the ball :D"

"I'm sure you do. Now get back there, cause I'm serving!"

Now, I don't know how in the world that worked, but somehow it ended up with Alfred spiking so hard that it splashed Arthur. Hard. Fortunately he drank all his tea, but I can still see that he was a little pissed. He stormed over to the edge of the pool to give him a good scolding…

Where me and Ivan suddenly got the urge to push him into the pool.

So we did.

"Oi! What the _**hell,**_ you bloody git?" He spat.

"What? You're not going to join the fun?" I grinned. "Last time I checked, you're a good swimmer."

"Don't test me, you git!"

"Ne…maybe I should join them?"

"Go right ahead."

And Ivan made a pleasant entrance into the water. And by entrance, I mean he sat at the edge and slipped in like most people should do in order to not bash someone's brain into the bottom of the pool. Odd enough, it scared everyone enough to avoid him. Not to mention that he's oddly quite the volleyball player.

This is starting to really confuse me now. Can't wait till the next guy comes in.

God forbid it's someone cute. I don't think Charice can handle the cuteness…or the testosterone.

**/=+=/**

**So hi, more updates! I just had writer's block on this chapter, and I didn't want to introduce any more characters. What sucks is that I already planned the next one, but I want to at least give them the next chapter to vent…decisions, decisions…**


	9. DAMMIT, Matthew!

**So if you hadn't realized it yet, this is a new day! I think the pattern is every two chapters is a new day. So I'll stick to that! Hopefully, my filler for the next character fulfills you all!**

**~Charice~**

I twitched and opened my eyes, not surprised to see Feli-kun sleeping in front of me. I couldn't help but wonder if he likes sleeping in my room, likes sleeping in other people's rooms, or if he's just phobic about his own room. I mean, his room is perfectly fine! What makes him come all the way here…?

_Maybe he wants an estrogen break?_

I noticed that his eyelids were twitching, catching my attention. He wasn't moving after that, but I never noticed his eyelids twitch that much before. I decided to go on a whim and throw something out there.

"…_um…good morning?"_

"_Ve…good morning, sorella…"_

Whoa, I was right.

I paused as I saw him lightly rub his eyelids and smile at me, cuddling closer as if he was a little plushie doll that could move and wanted to be cuddled. Quite frankly, I really wanted to cuddle him right now. So I did. He _"ve~"d_ cutely and cuddled closer, and I couldn't help but hold back a squeal. He was so cute…

"Ne…good morning."

We both jumped and screamed bloody murder. I won't deny it. Especially when we looked up and saw Ivan standing at the foot of the bed with a smile on his face. How it ended up with Feli-kun grabbing my waist and me flailing my arms around like an inflatable tube man, I will never understand.

"**Good morning to you too!"** I found myself screaming. "How about next time, you try _**knocking on the **__**door?**__**"**_

"I tried…but you didn't answer." He answered, smiling. "I wanted to tell you that Matthew is making the breakfast."

"OK…thanks, Ivan-kun…" I looked to Feli-kun. "You hear that, Feli-kun? Maple-kun is making breakfast!"

"_Ve~~~th-that's good…"_

"Of course." I chirped. "Thanks, Ivan-kun. Now…can you leave the room while I get changed?"

"Da."

Ivan-kun was willing to leave the room, but Feli-kun wasn't as willing. Maybe it was because of Ivan-kun? I gave him a reassuring smile before he hesitantly walked out with him. I had to admit, I had never changed that fast in my life. I was out in half a minute. Of course, Feli-kun quickly clung on me like his life depended on it. What was I supposed to do about it?

"Good morning, da?"

"Good morning to you too." I sighed. Second time's a charm. "So are you guys waiting for me to escort you or something…?"

"Da."

"OK. And Ivan-kun?"

"Da?"

"Don't say da around Maple-kun."

**~Rizal~**

I had to admit it, but seeing someone else cook breakfast for once was a bit startling to say the least. For when I walked down to the kitchen I was greeted by Matthew and not Charice. By the smell, he was making pancakes. And from what I read, he's good at that.

"Morning."

"_Ah-!"_ He darted his head around. _"Rizal…good morning."_

"From the smell, I suppose you're making breakfast, huh?"

"_I…I hope no one minds…I was just in the mood to make pancakes."_

"I don't mind. I heard from a few sources that you make some pretty good pancakes. I can't help but be curious."

"_R-really? W-where did you hear that from?"_

"Just…heard about it." I really don't think telling him the word 'manual' was going to be a good thing. "So are you done?"

"_Just about…I have a few finished ones over there."_ He smiled. _"Oh! And I thought it would be nice to make brownies as well."_

"Brownies? Oh, that's good to hear." I was in the mood for brownies.

It was then that I realized that someone was yelling from outside the room. We both turned our heads to see that Charice and Feliciano were running away from a very ecstatic Alfred. They both ran into the kitchen where they proceeded to squeeze the life out of my arms and waist.

"Good **MORNING**, my fellow American!"

"…hey, Alfred?"

"Yeah, dude?"

"Don't scream that in the morning. Now hurry up and get your plate because Matthew's making pancakes."

"**PANCAKES? **_**AWESOME!**__**"**_ He chirped. "I was just thinking about having them!"

"_Well, you're going to have to wait for them…"_

"Aww…"

It was around that time that we realized that there was a looming presence in the room _(something that seemed to scream __**"GUESS WHERE I AM…"**__)_, scaring the hell out of the others. Really, there were only two explanations for that…and Matthew was right there.

"Hey, Ivan. Stop scaring everyone and get your plate for breakfast."

"Ah, there're pancakes, da?"

"And Matthew's making them."

Ivan whistled as he proceeded to take his plate and sit in his usual chair, waiting patiently for someone to serve the pancakes. Matthew began to serve the pancakes, a little bit of a flustered look on his face. I thought it was because he was scared of him, but then I realized that he was normally that flustered.

"So, let's eat." I grinned. "Charice…come on, time to eat."

"_Ok…all right…I'm ready…"_

"**GOD,** what's going on-"

"_**GYAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!"**_

And that was right in my ear, too.

**~Charice~**

"Dammit, Iggy-kun! Don't scare me like that!"

"Well pay attention next time! And don't scream like that!"

"_**IT'S HARD **__**NOT**__** TOO!"**_

It really was.

Iggy-kun gave up as we all decided to sit down at the table. Of course, the first thing we did was dig into the pancakes _(they weren't British, so that means there was hope for us yet)_ and found ourselves LOVING 'EM! Especially with maple syrup…_**OH MY GOODDDD…**_it's like finding a good lemon after looking for a long time…

What? I mean lemon as of the citrus! You know, the best lemons make the best seasoning! Why the heck are you guys laughing?

Geez.

Wait, don't tell me you're laughing _**NOW!**_

Anyway, while I was enjoying my pancakes, I was made aware of the fact that Maple-kun was making something else. I couldn't help but take a peek and see that he was making something that seemed to look like batter…batter for something…

…

"**OMG **_**BROWNIIIIIIEEESSS!"**_

"_E-eh?"_

"**You're making brownies! Thank you, Maple-kun!"**

"_Um…y-you're welcome…"_

"Charice."

"Hm?"

"No brownies until you eat your breakfast."

"_**AWWWWWWW…"**_

Mean.

Then again, eating these pancakes was awesome enough. I mean, _**MAPLE-KUN AND PANCAKES!**_ How did I not know that Maple-kun makes the best pancakes? He's from Canada, the land of maple syrup and Celine Dion! Awesomeness like that deserves awesome pancakes! I love his cooking! He should be cooking them more often!

"Um…sister."

"Ye~s, brother?"

"Please let go of Matthew before you choke him."

**~Rizal~**

She really needs to check on her Cute-Obsession Mode.

After getting her off him, Matthew proceeded to make his brownies in peace and Charice continued to cuddle Feliciano like he was a doll or something. Seeing as how this is _Feliciano_, I'm not surprised that he wasn't annoyed of this by now. Alfred stared at them for a few minutes before laughing and eating his pancakes while trying to tell us something. I think it was a story, but I couldn't catch anything.

"Stop eating with your mouth full, bloody git!"

He tried to spit out a response, but the maple syrup kept his mouth shut. I couldn't help but laugh. Was his brother thinking ahead of this? Meanwhile, Ivan was just laughing at everyone's interactions. Was he that sadistic that way? I'll never understand these people.

"_Um…the brownies are done."_

I wanted to acknowledge that, but then again trying to figure out what Alfred is saying is a lot more interesting.

"_T-the brownies are done."_

"All right, that's good."

"Eh?" Arthur looked up. "You say something."

"Matthew said the brownies are done."

"…" Alfred tilted his head. "Who?"

"_M-Matthew!"_

"Oh, right! Sorry?"

Is this going to be a common occurrence here or what? Oh well. Nonetheless, everyone's eyes only lit up when the word 'brownies' were repeated. When Matthew pulled them out, people were quick to eat the hell out of them. In fact, I was only left with a couple of them.

"Gee, thanks a lot!" I spat. "Oh well…"

"_U-um…d-do you want me to make more?"_

"Sure, I guess." I sighed. "But I'm worried about being around them, so I'm just going to do some History homework."

"_Oh, OK…"_

**/=+=/**

I really shouldn't have left them.

When I walked back after a few hours of research, I was a bit amused at the fact that Feliciano was on the floor of the lobby _"ve~ing"_ out of his mind and rolling in a circle while crying for someone to pick him up. Meanwhile, Alfred and Charice were laughing at him as if they couldn't pick him up at all. Then again, none of them could even walk.

"…what the hell is wrong with you…?"

"Oh~? **Ohhhhh…"** Charice stumbled to me. "Heeeee~y! You missed the _partaaaay…"_

"The what?"

"**ULTIMATE FLORAL **_**RAAAAVVVEE…"**_ Alfred swayed back and forth.

Floral rave? When I looked back in the kitchen, I saw nothing that seemed to be floral nor rave like except for Matthew entertaining Ivan and Arthur with sunflowers for rave sticks. On the counter was a plate filled with brownies. Confused, I decided to take a taste. They seemed OK, but another bite made my head hurt.

Oh. God. These are hash brownies.

Matthew Williams has just drugged the entire family.

…

I should go lock the doors now…

**/=THE NEXT DAY=/**

**~Charice~**

I found myself waking up in my bed, the sun rising up to start a new day. Wait a minute, I thought it was the afternoon! And where's Feli-kun? In a panic, I threw the door open-

And smacked into someone.

"_**VEE~~~~!"**_

"_**WAAAH!"**_ I turned my head. "**GAH!** Feli-kuuun! _My baby, my baby…oh, I'm so sorry, I'm so sorry…"_

"_Vee…"_

Since when did he extend his tic?

"Are you awake now?"

We both looked up to see Rizal standing over us with a semi-amused look on his face and a history book in his hand. Fortunately, it looked like a South American book hence it wouldn't bring up anything harsh in case someone looked into that.

"Kuya, what happened?" I tilted my head. "I thought it was morning."

"It was. Yesterday." He sighed. "Matthew stoned everyone off their rocker the entire day yesterday. Fortunately, I was able to get some work done on my summer homework, so I can let that slide."

"All right, fine…" I sighed. "Come on, Feli-kun! Let's make breakfast!"

"Ve~! All right!"

**/=+=/**

**OH MY GOD **_**HOW ARE WE OUT OF FOOD?**_

Feli-kun and I were in a massive state of panic when the rest of the guys came in for lunch. Nonetheless, one look in the fridge and that was all we had to say. That was when I noticed that my brother was standing there.

"Then just get more food, duh." Rizal sighed. "The supermarket is open."

"Ah~! All right! I can do that!" I chirped. "Who wants to come with me~?"

"Oh, me me me me!" Feli-kun chirped.

"I might as well go." Iggy-kun sighed. "I mean, someone has to make sure that you people are safe."

"All right~! Let's go!"

"Hold on a minute!"

"What?"

"…you need your wallet."

**/=+=/**

"Ve~~~this place is big…"

"That's the supermarket!" I chirped. "Now stay close, Feliciano. We don't want you getting lost."

"Ve~~~all right."

That was when I realized that Iggy-kun was staring at me with the most shocked look on his face since the time we woke up Ivan. What was he so shocked about? Wait…oh.

"I only use nicknames at home, Arthur." I grinned. "Have to look professional in the real world, right?"

"…right." He stared at me, extremely shocked. "Now let's get our groceries and get back home before Feliciano destroys something."

"Don't worry. I got Feliciano at my side! Riiiiight?"

"Ve~~~~"

"Dawww…I keep forgetting how cute you are~ :D"

"_And this is why he is getting dumber and dumber."_

**~Rizal~**

The rest of us stared at each other at the table eating cereal, watching Alfred throw Fruit Loops at Matthew while laughing about something he saw online last night, when we realized that the doorbell was ringing. I sighed, excused myself _(more like ESCAPED)_ and opened the door, expecting to find Charice with an empty wallet. Instead…

"Ah…another delivery, huh?"

"Yep."

**/=+=/**

**Who's the next guy? Well, let's find out next time!**


	10. Just Awesome

**Yaaay, more units! Poor Rizal is going to have to deal with whoever that is. Wonder who it is? Well, keep reading!**

**~Rizal~**

"So…is that the box?"

"Yep, that's the box. I don't know much about whoever that is, but I heard he's a hassle to take care of!"

"Great…as if handling a crack addict is anything horrible." I lifted my hand. "Manual?"

"You're going to need it."

I sighed as he gave me the manual and then proceeded to just leave me here with the damn box. Fortunately, I noticed Matthew _(was he turning invisible?)_ was at my side ready to help me. Unfortunately, the box was still too heavy to carry. Somehow Alfred got into this, and somehow it ended up with him alone heaving it into the middle of the room.

"…what the hell do you work out on?"

"Ah, you'd be surprised my dear American~ :D"

"Can you please just call me Rizal?"

"Sure, whatever~!"

I sighed and shook my head and decided to look at the manual in my hand. Wonder why it was so extremely sealed like this? Fortunately, I found the opening and pulled it out of the manila folder. Remembering what that guy said earlier, I can imagine how horrible this is going to be.

'_**GILBERT BEILLSCHMIDT: User Guide and Manual'**_

Oh great. A German name. Last time I checked, Charice was oddly phobic about Germans…for some really weird reason.

_**["I don't want to be afraid of them! I know Germans are people! It's just that…well, how can I trust a guy whose language sounds like he's going to spit in your eye and mock you when you trip down stairs?"]**_

Yeah, that was her excuse. Oh well. At least she doesn't hate them. I barely felt a hand on my shoulder to skim out the manual.

"_G-Gilbert?"_ He muttered. _"He's here?"_

"Yeah, it's him."

"Ah…it's Gilbert, da?" Ivan sounded happy.

"Um…yeah. I guess he'll be happy to see you?" I haven't gotten that far in the series yet.

I shrugged and returned to the manual. Apparently, there's a male and female version of this model _(and apparently none of the other units had this option? What, are fangirls writing these manuals?)_ and you can tell that by the clothes that are sent in the small box before you assault the bigger one. I took a quick peek at the box and realized they were of the male variety.

Oh great. More testosterone. How much more can my sister handle?

I shrugged my head again as Matthew and I continued to look in the manual, noticing that Alfred and Ivan were talking to each other quite cautiously _(American / Russian tension? Or is it because Ivan is tall?)_. The first option to wake him up involved pouring beer over his lid, and seeing as how Charice and I are still underage we didn't have that access. The second one involved Austrian apple strudel or piano playing. Charice isn't here at the moment, I can't make apple strudel, the piano is on the second floor and we have never touched it at all. So much for that. And the third one involved speaking Russian. I can get Ivan to do that, but somehow the unit will only work when there _**isn't**_ an Ivan in the room _(and he is)_. Well, I guess we have one more thing to do.

"Matthew, can you look in the box for a…" I sighed at the name. "Gil…bird?"

"_Oh, Gilbird?"_

He nodded before going into the box. He carefully went through the folded clothing _(maybe he knows how to dig through stuff without disturbing them?)_ and pulled out a small yellow bird from the box. I got confused _(I mean, a bird in a box?)_ and quickly obtained it from him, holding the manual between my arm.

"Uh…Gilbird?"

_Piyo!_

Oh, it's-

**~Charice~**

"Feliciano, please behave yourself when you're carrying groceries!"

"Ve~~~I can't help it! The weather is so nice today~!"

"Well, thank god I didn't give Feli-kun anything breakable!"

"What did you give him?"

"Bread! Duh~!"

Iggy-kun just sighed as we continued down the path toward our manor house. It was then that we noticed that there were tire trends on the ground, indicating that someone was here. Confused, I walked to the door and saw it unlocked. When I opened it, I noticed that there was a whole bunch of box parts all over the place and a man was holding a bird in his hand and cooing to it like it was his baby. He had pale looking skin and silver-ish(?) hair and the weirdest blue outfit I've ever seen in my life.

And under his feet was my clearly dead brother.

…

Wait.

"**WHOA WHOA WHOA, **_**WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED?"**_

"Eh?"

"**WHO**** the hell **_**destroyed my brother?"**_

"It was all him, I swear." Alfred pointed at the silver-haired guy.

"Hey, he got in my way of my awesomeness, OK? And when you're in the way of awesome, you can't handle it!"

Wait…is that a German accent…?

…

"_**Holy crap IT'S A GERMAN!"**_

Five seconds later and I'm clinging onto Iggy-kun for my life. I can't help it! Germans naturally terrify me! What was I supposed to do about it? I know it's not their fault! But I dunno…_**UGH I CONFUSED MYSELF!**_

"What's up with the girl?"

"Ve~? Are you OK, Charice?"

"_**I'm OK I'm all right everything's great going jiffy and all that other stuff woohoo yay isn't this world great ahahahahaha…"**_

"I think she's overheating…" Arthur sighed.

"Nah, she's just panicking cause she can't handle the awesomeness!" The man cheered.

"No, I'm panicking cause I can't handle the _**GERMANNESS!"**_ I forced myself to admit. I'm working on it, all right? It's like a crappy phobia: you know it sucks, but YOU CAN'T GET AWAY FROM IT.

"Ah, of course you can't handle the awesomeness that is me~!" He chirped, obviously thinking that German = AWESOME. Love his patriotism, though. "Sorry I can't tune down my awesomeness to something you can handle, but it's something that I can help you with! What's your name, girl?"

"I'd love to tell you, but _**YOU'RE ON MY **__**FREAKIN'**__** DEAD BROTHER!"**_

"Oh, this guy? Well, that sucks." He jumped off him. "How about now?"

"Fine." She sighed. "My name's Charice. The boy down there's my younger brother, Rizal."

"Younger brother? Oh, awesome! I have a younger brother too!" The man grinned. "My name is Gilbert Beilschmidt, the king of everything awesome!"

"Awesome…?" Geez, and here I thought Alfred was horrible.

"Course I'm awesome, girl~!"

**~Rizal~**

I found myself on the ground, my back aching with pain. What the hell got me…? Nonetheless, my ears were distracted by the fact that someone was talking to my sister. It was a silver haired boy with red eyes, which made me jump. That was Prussia, wasn't it! Dammit…

"Heey, if you're curious…you want to see something extremely _**awesome…?"**_

"Oh yeah…?" She leaned in, mocking interest. "What's that?"

"Well, I happen to have an impressive _**five meters**_ on me…" He grinned. "You want to take a look at it?"

I groaned in annoyance. Oh god, the first minute I wake him up, he goes on about the 'five meters' joke. I don't think Charice _(even though she's in college)_ knows about that. Nevertheless, I saw her lean in toward him with a strange grin on her face.

"_Five meters, you say?"_ She chuckled.

"_Oh yeah…a complete five meters…no more, no less."_ Gilbert leaned in. _"Are you interested…?"_

"_Actually…"_ Charice leaned in. _"I want to touch it."_

Holy crap, Charice O_O"

"_Oh, really…? Such a feisty lass…"_ He chuckled. _"You know exactly what you want…"_

"_Of course I do…in fact…I want it __**now**__…"_

And as I sat up in complete confusion _(and obviously extremely ignored at this moment)_, I saw Gilbert and Charice lean closer to each other with these extremely creepy stares that made my back shiver. Before I knew it, I saw my sister's hand reach out…

And just uppercut him.

Take a guess where.

…

Ow, sympathy pain…

Nonetheless, it ended with Feliciano in a state of panic, Matthew and Alfred cringing, and Gilbert on the ground holding what got smacked while Charice cracked all her knuckles with a semi-murderous look on her face. I found myself extremely grateful that she was looking at him.

"Five meters…down to one and a half." She growled. **"Don't go running over my brother anymore.** _**UNDERSTAND?**__**"**_

He just whimpered in pain. Guess that's his way of saying yes?

"Ne~~~this is fun, isn't it?"

Gilbert's head darted up in pain and saw Ivan standing a few feet away from him with that creepy Russian smile on his face. Nonetheless, since he was still in pain and hence was unable to defend himself, he whimpered in shock and quickly stood up.

"_**W-w-w-what the hell is **__**he**__** doing here?"**_ He screamed.

"…he kinda came here." I answered, trying to sound sane.

"_Fear…ah, interesting…"_ Charice looked at Ivan. "Get him."

And the rest of us stared in horror / interest as Ivan skipped happily after a rather traumatized Gilbert around the house. Sighing, I looked at the manual and realized that we just smacked him right into _Frightened_ mode. And just after he woke up, too.

Yeah, there's way too much testosterone in the house for this poor woman. God help us all.

**/=+=/**

**Yeah, a short chapter…but a funny one, nonetheless :D**


	11. AND NOW FOR SOME SMALL FILLER

**Last time we checked in, Charice had just assaulted Gilbert AND threw him into **_**Frightened**_** mode within seconds of activation. Ain't that a treat? So let's see what's going to happen next…**

**~Rizal~**

"_Hello, this is Michelle speaking. How can I help you?"_

"Hello, is this Customer Services?"

"_Yes. Who may I ask is calling?"_

"_**THERE HE GOES, IVAN-KUN! GET HIM!"**_

"This is Rizal Pacquiao, address _***censored so that crazy pedophiles won't find us***_. I'm calling to ask about something that I've been reading in the manuals."

"_And what would that be, sir?"_

***crash***

"Well, many of these units have something surrounding alcohol withdrawal, and…well, me and my sister are underage to actually buy the drinks that will prevent this from happening, so-"

"_Sir, we will automatically send over proper identification for those said units. They will buy their drinks themselves."_

Great. They're going to drain our money supply. "All right, that's good to hear."

***crash boom bam***

"_Now then, can you tell me the list of the units that you need identification for?"_

"All right, um…Arthur Kirkland-"

"_**NOOOO GET HIM AWAY FROM ME!"**_

"…Ivan Braginski-"

"_**GRAB HIM, IVAN-KUN! GRAB HIM, GRAB HIM!"**_

"…uh…who else…oh yeah, and-"

"_**WILL YOU STOP RUNNING AROUND THE HOUSE? You three look like five year olds!"**_

"_Sir? Are you still on the line?"_

"Yeah…and add Gilbert Beillschmidt to that list as well."

"_**WOOHOO! This is fun!"**_

"_**ALFRED, ARE YOU INSANE? THEY'RE JUST RUINING A PERFECTLY GOOD HOUSE!"**_

"_Will that be all?"_

"_**AUUUUUGGGHH! HE'S GOT MY LEG, HE'S GOT MY LEG!"**_

"Well, they never really mentioned this in their manuals, but-"

***tumble tumble***

"Do Alfred F. Jones-"

***CRASH***

"Matthew Williams-"

"_**GET THE HELL AWAY FROM ME, YOU RUSSIAN PIG!"**_

"And Feliciano Vargas need identification?"

"_No sir…they're still underage."_

"OK, that's good. I think these three are all we can handle right now-"

"_**Oh, why are you running away? We're all going to be one with me, da?"**_

"_**Oh shit, he said da EVERYONE GET DOWN!"**_

"_Are there any other questions, sir?"_

"_**Oh Alfred…why are you running away from me?"**_

"_**OH MY GOD, HE'S GONE INSANE!"**_

"Um, yes actually…is there a way that-"

"_**Become one with me, Alfred! You always wanted to be one with me, right?"**_

"_**NOT LIKE THIS, MAN! NOT LIKE THIS!"**_

"-we can actually choose what our next unit is?"

"_I'm sorry, sir, but that's not in my jurisdiction…"_

"_**YOU'RE SUCH A WUSS, ALFRED! You should be more MANLY!"**_

"_**Manly, what the-?"**_

"So every unit that we're going to get is random?

"_If you want, I can try connecting you with one of my superiors."_

"That would be helpful. How long is the waiting time?"

"_**Holy crap, HE'S IN MANADA MODE! HE'S IN MANADA CRACKED MODE!"**_

"_About five minutes, I believe."_

"All right, I can wait."

"_All right then…please hold."_

"_**How in the world is he in Manada mode?"**_

"_**I dunno why, but-OH MY GOD, HE'S HEADING THIS WAY!"**_

***stomp stomp***

"_**BECOME ONE WITH ME!"**_

"_**VE~~~~~~~!"**_

***crash crash crash***

"_**WHAT THE HELL is wrong with these people?"**_

"_**IVAN-KUUUN! IVVAAAAAAN!"**_

"_This is Catherine, how can I help you?"_

"Oh, uh…hello there. My name is Rizal Pacquiao, and I want to ask a specific question…"

"_**SUBDUE HIM! SUBDUE HIM, PLEASE!"**_

"_**All right, da?"**_

"Is it possible for me to choose the next unit that we receive?"

"_**OH MY GOD, THE BOTH OF THEM GOT GILBERT!"**_

"_I'm sorry, sir…but that isn't possible. Our policies state that in order for our customers to get the most out of our units, we have to distribute them randomly to them."_

"So there's no way for me to choose what I want?"

"_**GET THEM OFF GET THEM OFF GET THEM OFF OH MY GOD THIS IS TOTALLY UNAWESOME DYING LIKE THIS!"**_

***tumble***

"_**You're free, Gil-kun! GO GO GO GO!"**_

"_No, I'm sorry."_

"All right, that's fine. Thank you for your help."

"_Anytime, sir."_

I sighed as I hung up the phone, turning around to see Arthur tumbling down the stairs and landing right at my feet. He muttered some choice words before realizing that I was standing right there. He slowly looked up right at me as I shook my head.

"Hey, um…can you tell everyone that they should probably quiet down before the neighbors come in and complain about the noise level?"

**/=+=/**

**This is nothing more than filler, but…oh well. I just want this up while I try to figure out which other unit to add.**


	12. Consolation Prize?

**So yeah…small filler to know that I'm still alive and kicking on this series. Hope you don't mind. Anyway, back to the story.**

**~Charice~**

"Um…Rizal?"

"Yeah, ate?"

"How in the world did you snap Maple-kun out of _MANADA _mode?"

"Well, it wasn't in the manual…but apparently Gilbert in _Frightened _mode gets him out of it."

"…_**HOW?"**_

"Wish I knew."

_**Lies and slander.**_

Whatever the cause was, it apparently got Maple-kun back into sanity mode _(the manual called it __**'Quiet'**__ and __**'Snarky'**__)_ and also allowed him to comfort the _Traumatized_ Gil-kun _(it's no longer frightened…it's so much worse than that now)_. Hopefully, _Traumatized_ Gilbert can eat eggs and bacon through that quivering jaw.

"Is Gilbert going to be OK?"

"Probably not in this time era, dude." I answered. "But hopefully, he likes eggs."

We all turned back to Gil-kun, who was still shaking and having his back rubbed by Maple-kun. Feli-chan was terrified of staying close to any of them and was now clinging onto my arm as I cooked. Again, it was too cute. But I was way too tired to start chasing anyone down at this moment in time.

"Sorella, is it safe for me to sit at a table with them…?"

"If not, at least I'm sitting next to you~!"

"Ve~~~~okay…"

Too…cute…

He looked at me as I grabbed a few barley leaves hiding behind the onions and bananas and sprinkled it over the finished eggs. Nothing like some barley to save a German, right? Nonetheless, he seemed a little happy that I was being nice to him for once and slowly started eating the eggs in peace.

"_He seems to have calmed down a little."_ Maple-kun smiled. _"That's good to hear."_

"I hope he likes eggs." I chirped. "I made them as good as I can make them."

"Hey, why don't you serve them over this way?" Al-kun grinned. "I want some of your awesome eggs!"

"I want some of them too, da?" Ivan-kun smiled, lightly bonking Maple-kun over the head to prevent _Cracked_ mode from occurring.

"All right, all right…give me a few minutes." I laughed. "Besides, I need enough barley to give you the _**best**_ I can serve!"

"_Barley? W-where do you get it?"_

"I keep a few of them behind the onions. It keeps a good taste in for them."

"_Um…you didn't take the one that looks like a salt shaker, right?"_

"…that's where I keep my barley in. Why?"

"…_that's not barley."_

Wait, wha-?

Oh.

**/=+=/**

Well, when Gil-kun's high, at least it speeds up _Frightened _mode for him. Five minutes after downing the entire pot-riddled omelet he was going around begging someone for a round of beer. I turned toward Iggy-kun, who unfortunately didn't have anything that seemed to resemble anything alcoholic. I am so screwed, aren't I?

"Um…kuya? Do you know anything that can replace alcohol?"

"Not in the least bit sense." He answered. "Relax, though. I called Customer Services, and they're going to deliver the IDs for those three when they come in."

"That's good to hear. Last time I heard, alcohol-deprived units are _**scary."**_

"That's actually a setting, if you think about it." Rizal pointed out. "Maybe, I can't recall."

***Ding dong***

"Thank GOD, it's the IDs!" I chirped. "I'm getting them."

I left Rizal to deal with them as Feli-chan and I headed over to the door _(hey, he's still at my side!)_. As I threw open the door, I saw a familiar face holding IDs right in my face…and right behind him was…was…was a…

"Fucking shit mace."

A unit box.

**~Rizal~**

"Um…Charice? Did we order something?"

"Yeah…and it's haunting us all over again." She turned to the delivery man. "Twice in the same _**day?"**_

"They told me to send it to you guys along with this letter."

I took the letter from the delivery man and took a quick read as the others were forced to pull the box inside the house.

-[]-

_Dear Rizal and Charice Pacquiao,_

_Thank you for calling Customer Services and using our services. Your IDs have been provided in the mail and, as a celebration for our one year anniversary, we have sent another unit box with your IDs. We at the corporation wish that you are having a wonderful time with the units that you have right now. Please await your next unit in the next few business days._

_Flying Mint Bunny Express_

-[]-

"Wait…let me get this straight…we get a free unit every time we call Customer Services?"

"I…guess so." She stared at the box.

"…I hate them now."

"Ditto, Rizal. Just don't call them again." Charice sighed. "Here's the manual. I'm not looking in it."

"Hey, I got run over by the high Prussian dude over there. It's your turn now."

"…Fine."

**~Charice~**

'_**YONG SOO IM: User Guide and Manual'**_

OK…who? From the sound of the name, he sounds Korean _(god bless my ear in K-Pop…and god bless Liara for showing me K-Pop)_. Oh well. If it's going to be another guy, at least it's an Asian. And look! He's only 16! That makes Rizal an older brother! This is going to be a little better than I thought…

There were a total of five choices. Number 1 states something about saying "Aru" or "Desu" _(OK, what?)_, which made no sense at all. Number 2 is a CD song of "Arirang" _(oh, here it is)_, which seems harmless enough. Number 3 has kimchi served up, and I had to admit that made sense. But I _**hated**_ kimchi. It was way too spicy for my tongue. I ate it once and…ugh, I couldn't even feel my tongue when I chew it. Number 4 had us mispronouncing Korean. I knew a bit of Korean _(again, thank K-Pop and Google Translate)_, but there is no way that I would ever suffer through a Korean class with a 16-year-old. And Number 5 had…hair pulling.

Uh, no.

"Um…we have a choice between playing a CD or serving him kimchi."

"Ve~~~the CD sounds simple enough."

"Kimchi? That spicy lettuce mixture?" Iggy-kun sighed. "He can have it, if he wants it."

"OK, um…where's the CD player? Arirang seems to be our best choice."

Almost like I had summoned him, Ivan-kun came out of nowhere _(avoiding the recovering Gil-kun)_ and held our CD player in his hands. I dug through the small box that everyone always seems to have _(Feli-chan being over my shoulder as always…the adowable thing)_ and finally found a CD, plopping it into the radio and playing it out loud.

Huh. The song isn't that bad. I should put it on my iPod.

About five seconds later I realized that humming was coming from the box. I _**(cautiously!)**_ opened the front and saw that it was a man humming in the box. He had spiky black hair similar to Feli-chan's _(only spread out)_ and was wearing a hanbok _(which I knew because I looked it up!)_, and I SWEAR TO GOD that his curl had a smiley face in it. His eyes darted open, revealing brown eyes.

"Annyeonghaseyo!" He chirped. "My name is Yong Soo Im, da ze!"

"Annyeonghaseyo!" I answered perfectly. "I'm Charice Pacquiao! Nice to meet you! Oh, that boy over there's my brother Rizal!"

I pointed to him, who didn't bother to wave back but rather stared at him with a strange look on his face. Before I knew it, I turned back to him and noticed that Yong-chan looked…a little like Gil-kun. Before getting horribly scared and harassed to death, that is.

"Your breasts belong to _**me**_, da ze!"

"My what belongs to- **HOLY FREAKING SHIT FUCK!"**

Yes, ladies and gentlemen. Somehow this conversation ended up with this kid's hands on my chest. Five seconds after twitching fingers and a whole bunch of screaming, he started to feel me up. I swear to god.

"Awww…there's nothing here? I thought you were a _**girl**_, Charice!"

Five seconds later, Rizal zoomed out of nowhere and smashed his head up against the wall. Odd enough, he smashed it right next to Al-kun, and by the way…I never heard him scream in that frequency. Quite interesting, really.

**/=+=/**

"Are you all right, Yong-chan?"

"I'm all right, da ze…ow ow ow…"

"That's what you get for groping my sister." Rizal growled.

"That doesn't mean you smash their heads in walls." I sighed. "Feli-chan, can you get the ice pack in the freezer?"

"Ve~~~all right, sorella."

Feli-chan stood up and walked toward the kitchen as I turned back to the Korean, who was eying my boobs again. One glare from Rizal was all he needed to stop him. He whimpered in defeat as I heard one of the stupidest laughs that I have heard in my entire life.

"Wow! Being subdued like that is totally unawesome, dude!"

"Well, you're being subdued by Ivan, aren't you? Love to see the awesomeness in that."

What a way to be cold, bro.

Nonetheless, I turned my head and saw that Yong-chan and Ivan-kun were engaged in a normal conversation, as if Ivan-kun wasn't the scariest thing in the world. Oh well, I guess there's nothing I can do about that now. Hopefully, the damn corporation would forget about us and not send us anything for months.

**/=+=/**

**Yeah, I'm throwing a lot of units in the house…sorry about that. I couldn't really decide on a time, so I jumped in on it -_-;**


	13. You Can't Read My Poker Face, I'm Sick

**Last time we were here, Yong Soo and Gilbert have come in the house for the new units. It was so much, we have to jump to the next day! It's not like Gilbert could handle all that pressure!**

**WARNING! WARNING! WARNING! Tony the Alien is here, which means offensive words are sure to follow! PLEASE DO NOT BE OFFENDED, SINCE THIS IS ONLY CENTERED FOR ENTERTAINMENT ISSUES.**

**~Charice~**

"_Good morning, sorella…"_

I wiped my eyes and saw a smiling Feli-chan looking back at me. What surprised me was that the way he was smiling was different from when he smiles outside the room. It looks sincere, from the heart, nothing like the stereotype Italian that I was used to. It made him so cute that I huggled him. Cause think about it: the manual said that he was naturally something you wanna huggle forever, right?

"Your breasts belong to ME, da ze!"

Oh f-

"**GET THE FREAKING POKEMON CAST OFF OF ME, YOU DAMN RAPIST!"**

You would've thought that after the whole incident with Rizal, he would've gotten the hint or something. BUT NO, he's raping my chest. At 6:45 AM in the morning, depriving me of my time to huggle Feli-chan in peace. _**That Korean bastard…**_

Five seconds later, I heard a "hyup", and there was Ivan-kun in his stalker glory holding up a flailing Yong-chan who wanted nothing more than to grope me longer. For the first time, I was grateful I had a random Russian dude in the room when I wanted privacy. Nonetheless, that'll be the last time.

"Waaahh…let me go, Ivaaaannn."

"No. You understand, da?"

"Yes, please understand." I grinned. "Actually, why don't you go to Rizal's room and wake him up?"

"Yaaay!"

And before I knew it, he ran the heck out of the room. I started something, didn't I?

**~Rizal~**

God, I feel like crap.

The only thing I knew when I woke up was that I can't _**get up**_. I ached all over, my nose was running, and for some reason the hot summer room was a freakin' _**icebox.**_ What in the world was going on here…? Don't tell me I'm sick. The last thing I needed was to leave Charice alone with any of those bastards. Maybe I can play this off…

"Your breasts belong to ME, da ze!"

Oh f-

Five seconds later, something dropped on my stomach and almost made me gag out whatever I apparently was eating during the night time. What was worse was that he was grabbing my boobs, which is **NOT ACCEPTABLE.** Before he could say anything though, he was rubbing my neck and then touched my forehead.

"You're really warm, da ze. Are you OK?"

"_Yeah, I'm fine. I just have a hot blanket."_ Why does my voice sound croaky like that? _"I'll be up-"_

"NO! I will not allow you to do that, da ze! I'll be right back, so let me!"

Before I knew it, he ran out of the room toward the kitchen. I looked back to the ceiling in my room, surprised that it was still perfectly clean despite the chaos that shook the walls on the other side of the house. I wondered if I should go back to sleep when I heard a familiar voice scream something that I couldn't comprehend and then that said person slamming themselves onto my doorway. That was creepy.

"_**YOU'RE **__**SICK?**__**"**_

"_No, I'm not. Please relax while I go take a shower-"_

_***insta-slam to the forehead***_

"Oh my god, you are. Hold on, I need a thermometer…"

She ran out of the room again, leaving me alone in the silence. I'm surprised no one came up to check on me _(unless she specifically ordered them not to step near this vicinity in the chance that she'll wring their necks up to dry)_. After a few minutes, she can running back in with a thermometer and shoved it right down my throat. I gagged until it finally came out.

"101.5…love that radio show…but anyway, you have a fever _**and you're staying here."**_

"_Really, Charice-"_

"I would KILL to be in your position, Rizal. Be very grateful."

She left me, leaving me alone in the room yet again. I sighed and leaned back on the bed, wondering where the nearest medication was and if I can down it so that I can get over this sooner. After a few minutes, I was aware of the presence that was hovering at my doorway. I turned my head and saw that it was Alfred, a concerned look on his face. It looked…weird on him.

"You OK, bro?"

"_I have a 101.5 fever and am forced to leave my older sister to a Korean pervert and a Russian serial-killer in disguise…I'm doing dandy."_

"Yeah, I'd be pissed off too. But you know what? Charice can handle herself." He grinned. "She's been protecting you this whole time, right?"

"…_yeah, but I've been protecting her as well…"_

"Hey, men need to protect their women, right? And unless you have a woman, it's Charice right?"

"_True, true…"_

"Let her handle herself. She's an American, and that means she has high spirits and can handle herself."

"_In that case, can you make sure that no one tries to rape her?"_

"Can do, buddy."

He saluted me before he turned around and walked out of the room, leaving me to stare at the ceiling. A few hours later, that's when I realized something interesting: it was quiet. I have never heard pure silence ever since we moved into this house. I had to admit it, it was…interesting.

My nerves started to tingle, making me realize that there was someone in the room next to me. I figured that it was Matthew, but when I turned my head I realized that it was…some form of generic grey alien. If I remember it correctly, this had something to do with Alfred's manual. So…this is Tony? At least my voice seems to be working.

"…so you're Tony?"

"What the hell did you think I was, you oriental?"

…did he just call me that?

"I was thinking that I was probably in a nightmare and that I was getting chased by the ugliest thing I've ever seen in my life."

"I'm not surprised that you think so stupidly like that, you Asian n-"

"Don't bother saying it, illegal nutcase."

"Asian banana."

"Crack addict."

"Damn flip."

"Twilight shipper."

"Gook-eye."

"Bieber lover."

I think I got him hard.

**~Charice~**

"So, you're making chicken soup for your brother, da?"

"Of course I am. Can you get me that over there? I'm making his favorite."

He nodded as Feli-chan helped me make all of the food for both lunch and for Rizal. From the corner of my eye, I noticed that Maple-kun was helping me as well, making the all-too-famous pancakes that we all know and love. Behind me, Gil-kun was annoying Iggy-kun _(who was banned from the counters because of the fact that he almost killed my brother before)_ while still hiding from Ivan-kun and making sure that Yong-chan didn't grope me to death.

"Hey, Cha-Cha." I saw Al-kun walking toward me. "In case you're wondering, your brother's awake and perfectly fine."

"That's good to hear. At least I don't have to worry. Now make sure that Iggy-kun doesn't get gang-raped by those two over there."

He did just that.

"Ve~~~is fratello going to be alright, sorella?"

"He'll be OK. As long as he doesn't break any bones and start seeing strange colors, he's going to be fine." I grinned. "Is the food almost done?"

"Yeah~! I added a lot of love in this soup!" He chirped. "So who's going to bring this to him?"

"_I'll go."_ Maple-kun smiled. _"I think everyone's needed here."_

"Who are you?"

"_I'm Canada!"_

"All right then, you can have fun with that. Meanwhile, I'll go- **NO, NO, NO. Ivan-kun, Yong-chan, **_**get **__**AWAY**_** from Gil-kun. We can't afford more therapy bills. **_**Away, away, AWAY.**__**"**_

**~Rizal~**

"Pancake face."

"Rapper wannabe."

"Yellow skin."

"You're one to talk. You're horrible on cosplaying."

Now I'm running out of words to give him.

"_Tony…please stop it."_ I heard someone say. _"Alfred wants you down in the kitchen."_

"…fine." He walked passed what looked like Mathew. "Maple sucker."

I blinked in surprise as he ignored Tony and walked into the room, holding what looked like a tray of chicken soup _(or whatever my nose was saying)_. He sat down next to me as I helped myself to a sitting position. As I took a taste, I couldn't help but sink into the good tastes. That's my sister.

"…aren't you going back to the others?"

"_No…it's a lot quieter here. It's a good place to relax."_

"Your room isn't quieter?"

"_My room's next to my brother."_

"Oh. Enough said." I chuckled. "You want to play Poker?"

"_Y-you know how to play that?"_

"I've been taught to play. And I have a deck over here. It's in case I wanted to play Solitaire." I grinned. "I have fake chips, if you're willing to bet."

"_Um…I guess I can play a few."_

**~Charice~**

"Ve~~~Matthew doesn't seem to be coming down."

"I guess he just wants to hang out with Rizal a little more. We'll get him once lunch is done."

I chuckled at the thought of Maple-kun worrying about Rizal as I finally finished the garden salad that I couldn't help but spill a bit of the spinach over _(again)_. Before I knew it, Al-kun brought up that he was going to check up on Maple-kun. I gave him the OK before he left. Few minutes later, he hadn't returned.

"What is that bloody git doing now…?" Iggy-kun sighed. "I'm going to check on him."

"I hope he's not doing anything to Matthew. That unawesome dude loves to harass him." Gil-kun said _(so…out-of-character)_. "I'm coming with."

They both stood up and headed out over to Rizal's room as the two of us started stirring up the final part of the lunch. Ivan-kun, probably bored out of his mind, started watching us finish the food. It was then that I heard him chirp in delight.

"Ah…you're making pelmeni*?"

"It's the first time that I'm making it, so don't expect the best quality."

"It's fine. As long as you can make it without burning it, da? _It's just something to show that you're becoming one with me, da?"_

_***shiver***_

"Hey...none of them are coming down, da ze." Yong-chan noticed. "Maybe they don't want to eat."

"...that's odd. They love food." I blinked. "Hold on."

I told Feli-chan to watch over the food before dragging Ivan-kun and Yong -chan up to get them _(__**GOD FORBID**__ I leave Feli-chan with any of them)_. The door was open, allow me to open the door and peek inside. All I noticed was a smile on my brother's face.

"…royal flush."

"_**GOD DAMMIT I LOST MY DESSERT!"**_

"You're cheating, aren't you?"

"No…you just suck."

_***head-doorway***_

**/=+=/**

***Russian Pelmeni is basically Siberian dumplings. They're filled with beef and pork **_**(like Chinese dumplings)**_** as well as onions, and is said to have been made because they can be stored outside during the long winters. They're sister creations to pot stickers :D**

**Review~!**


	14. Now We Have to Bathe Again

**More chaos is chaos~!**

**~Rizal~**

"Hey…you OK in there, da ze?"

"Hm? Yeah, I'm fine. The fever's gone down." I stood up. "But thank you for worrying…unless Charice asked you to ask."

"No…I was worried, da ze!"

"Nice to hear that, Yong Soo."

"Of course, da ze!"

"…do you like saying that?"

"What, da ze?"

"That word you keep saying."

"What word, da ze?"

"…what you just said."

"What did I say, da ze?"

Wow, I'm not getting to him, aren't I?

"…nevermind. Just…make sure Charice isn't killing someone."

"Of course, da ze~!"

I just rolled my eyes again and followed him out of the room. Nonetheless, I was greeted with the image of Charice fighting Gilbert over who in the world was getting the first pancake made by none other than Mr. Matthew Williams himself. Through all that arguing, I snuck toward the quiet Canadian and saw him smile at my presence.

"Morning."

"_Good morning."_ He lifted the frying pan in his hand. _"You want a pancake?"_

"Sure do." I took up a plate. "Thank you."

Fortunately, the argument was so in depth that no one seemed to know that I took the first pancake. Well, no one but Ivan, and he seemed cool with it…no pun intended. He just smiled at me, and I guess it was a little creepy. It was then that I finally remembered something from the canon about this guy.

"You're the guy that likes sunflowers, right?"

"Da." He answered.

"Well, at least I was right." I grinned. "I left a vase of sunflowers for you as a housewarming gift, so I wanted to verify it in case you didn't want them."

"No, I like the sunflowers. Thank you."

"Sure, sure."

Apparently, it wasn't until the pancake was finally finished that they realized that the first one had been taken. And I will admit this: the looks on their faces when they were mad did scare me just a little bit. Am I the only sane person in this house? Well, that sucks.

"Ve~~~all this is making me hungry…"

"Of course, of course Feli-chan!" She turned to Matthew. "You almost done?"

"_I already am, Charice."_ He answered. _"The whole stack is here."_

"Suh-WEET!"

The whole mob jumped into the fray, and the plate was empty by the end of the minute. Oh, and judging by what was on the floor, they ran over the poor Canadian _again._ One of these days, he's going to just go back into _**Cracked**_ or something-

"Ah…the pain…I love to inflict double of this over you…"

Oh. Look at that.

I made a small gesture, and Ivan quickly bopped Matthew over the head, preventing the mode from getting any further. Apparently, this was getting to be some kind of habit or something. Hopefully, Ivan doesn't go just as mentally insane as…well, the rest of these dudes.

**~Charice~**

"Hey, Yong-kun…I heard you like Korean dramas!"

"Of course I do, da ze!" He chirped, shoving the extremely sweet pancakes _(I think he likes sweets)_. "Why, do you watch them?"

"My friend does. Liara Cosgrove, obsessed with them." I joked. "I think her favorite is Stairway to Heaven."

"Oh, that one? It's not bad, da ze."

For some reason, we ended up talking about Korean dramas while Rizal was staring at the floor. There wasn't anything there, so I figured that it wasn't anything big. After a few seconds, he peeled off another America from the ground. Oh. Right. Greenland…Argentina? Mexico? Who was this dude again?

Whatever.

"The pancakes are as awesome as ever!" I chirped.

"_**HEY!**_ I'm the only one here who gets to say awesome around here!" Gil-kun shook his hands.

"…Ivan?"

"Of course, da."

He was put in his place.

I feel so awesome being able to control a Russian like that. Maybe it's because he doesn't want to take over the world as of yet. Wouldn't be surprised, really. After a few minutes, Rizal came back into the room _(wait, he left?)_ carrying mail that wasn't a huge package. THANK GOD.

"Huh. There's a discount of shampoo at Walgreen's." He remarked. "Speaking of which…have any of you taken a bath yet?"

…

"_**OH THAT'S JUST DISGUSTING!"**_

"Charice, that's not the type of words you can use at this point…"

"Ve~~~I keep forgetting."

"Man, I guess that means I have to help you shower~!" _Yay~!_

"Hm…you want to join in a shower with the awesome me too…?"

_***DEATH AND RUSSIAN GLARES OF HORRIBLENESS***_

**/=+=/**

"Just get into the tub and I'll be with you shortly~!"

"Ve~~~OK!"

I did have to admit that this was something that I had to question. Here I thought that Feliciano knew how to bathe by himself. Guess I was wrong. Oh well, for some reason I don't feel bothered by this. Maybe it's because of the cuteness factor~! I turned my head and saw Feli-chan scrub the soap on his skin.

"Ve~~~what kind of shampoo is this?"

"Aloe. It's really good for the skin, makes it smooth~" I chirped. "I use it all the time."

"Wow…it must be good."

"It is, it is." I stared at him. "Aren't you going to wash your hair?"

"Ve? Oh…" He rubbed the top of his head. "Um…"

"OK, OK…be grateful you're cute~!"

"Ve~~~thank you~!"

Too…cute…

Five minutes later, I'm massaging Sunsilk into his hair, him singing something in Italian and swaying his head as I did so. After a few minutes of wondering if he was actually paying attention, I stared at him and realized that he was staring at him in confusion.

"Are you OK? You looked out of it."

"I got tired, that's all." I laughed. "Zoning out does that."

"Oh…ve…at least you're OK~!"

It was then that I saw him tense and shake a little bit. I blinked for a few minutes before realizing that I accidentally grabbed the curl by accident _(must've tried to wash it or something)_. It was the only time I ever tackle-glomped anyone in the bathtub.

**~Rizal~**

Yes, I have read the manuals before. Bathing with any of these guys will result in my head through a skewer or at least the end of my innocence. But the manuals seem to be addressed more toward girls, so I guess I should be fine for now…god willing. I was able to find a huge public bathing area for pool parties _(apparently?)_ and placed it in Jacuzzi mode, and then waited for the others. They all came running in with their naked passions, Alfred tackle-glomping my head into the side of the rim. Fortunately, Matthew noticed that I wasn't just doing the dead man's float and proceeded to save me.

"_A-are you OK, Rizal?"_

"I'm good, I'm good…though I don't think I'll be able to operate normally for a while…"

"Ne~~~then let me shampoo your hair for you."

"Um…thanks."

…

…

…

…

"Um…Ivan?"

"Da?"

"Why are you holding my head?"

"I'm shampooing your hair."

"But you're giving me a bigger headache than before."

"That's how I shampoo my hair, da?"

"…just shampoo yours first."

Ivan seemed to be willing to do that, maybe because I'm a guy or something. Across from me, Yong Soo was singing something that sounded like a K-Pop song _(might have to ask Charice about this)_ and Matthew was minding his own business. It was then that I realized that Arthur hadn't come out of the dressing area.

"You're not coming out here?"

"…_no."_

"Why not?"

"…_just because."_

"Hey, we're all butt naked here. And I'm pretty sure we're not going to be comparing anytime soon."

"Though mine is the biggest, da?"

"Hey, speaking of which, where's Gilbert?"

"_**Don't bring him up…"**_ I sighed. "Come on, Arthur."

"_No."_

"Please?"

"_**No."**_

"Well, I think Gilbert's back there, and-"

He dashed out there and sank into the water without a second thought, not looking at everyone and instead bathing by himself perfectly normal. After a few minutes, Gilbert came sailing into the room with a shine in his eyes and streaking as usual. I drifted off to the side closest to him and saw him in all his pride.

"…I'm very disappointed."

"Maaan, I was so hyped up da ze!"

"_**HEY! YOU'RE LOOKING AT FIVE METERS OF AWESOMENESS!"**_

"…Centi or mili?"

**/=+=/**

**Ah, yet another day that had been documented~!**


	15. She CanNOT Roll Those Rs

**Another day in the lives of these guys~! God, I have no life whatsoever on this, huh?**

**[A few days of chaos later…]**

**~Charice~**

This had to be the first time since the beginning of this whole…whatever it is…since I had woken up and not see Feli-chan in front of me.

It was also the first time that I panicked.

I darted my head up _(damn the head rush)_ and saw Feli-chan looking through my closet, sorting out the outfit that I was going to wear for the day, down to the jacket. While I was touched by the amount of attention that Feli-chan was giving my outfit, the fact that he _**knew**_ my fashion was just a liiiittle creepy…

"Feli-chan?"

"Ve~? Ah! Charice, you're awake!" He turned around and showed me what was in his hand. "What do you think? It's for today!"

"…oh."

"W-what?"

"_**THAT'S **_where my pants were! I was looking for them forever! Thanks!"

He chirped in satisfaction as he handed me the outfit and headed outside for me to change into. Halfway through I heard a familiar chirp and a yelp, and I literally pushed my shirt on and walked out to see that Yong-chan had gotten bored of waiting for me and attacked Feli-chan instead.

…

"_**NO."**_

"Waaaaah. Feliciano has more boobs than you do, Charice-"

_***POW!***_

**- [A few minutes pause while the Filipina bashes his head in…] -**

So ANYWAY, the three of us went trotting down the hallway when the bell rang. I wanted to facepalm myself, but nonetheless Yong Soo when gallivanting to the door and threw it open, seeing a rather startled delivery man standing right in front of him.

"You're a week late, da ze!" He stated.

"Hey, I just deliver. The leader-in-command probably wanted your owner to have a week to breathe or something." He said. "Where is he?"

"Actually, it's _**they.**_ And I'm one of them." I stepped forward. "Charice Pacquiao."

"Charice, that's what I have here…" He looked at his clipboard. "Yup, that's him."

…

"…ve…Charice is a girl…"

"Pfft. Not from what I can see."

After Yong Soo and Feliciano beat him into oblivion, they were generous enough to drag the box into the house and gave me the manual for me to read into. I prayed to all the gods that are in existence _(I figured that Heaven ran like a Parliament or something)_ that this guy is at least sane.

'**ANTONIO FERNANDEZ CARRIEDO: User Guide and Manual'**

Huh. Sounds Spanish. Suh-WEET.

"Ve~~~who is it?"

"Who is it, who is it, who is it, da ze?"

"Welllll…" I _**had**_ to pose for this one. God bless my talent for picking up Spanish accents. "This man is Antonio Fernandez _**Ca**__**rrrrrrrrrrr**__**iedo!"**_

_***clap clap stomp***_

…

"Ve~~~you can't roll your 'r's, can you?"

"Shut up…"

Feli-chan knew I wasn't serious _(thank god)_ as Yong Soo started looking through the manual _(is that even POSSIBLE?)_. I pulled it out of his hands, fortunately he wasn't holding onto it too tightly, and took a read on awakening him. None of them seemed hard.

The first option contained cooking Spanish or Mexican food with a smell so strong you could wake the dead. Seeing as how I'm suddenly in the mood for Mexican food, I didn't rule that out. The second choice involved a LOVINO VARGAS unit, which we didn't have. I could try asking Feli-chan to try acting like him if I wanted to _(which would be entertaining)_. Also, we needed both Gilbert and some guy named Francis, so I didn't have Francis and hence that was ruled out. And the third option apparently wants me to drop kick tomatoes?

…were these people high?

…

…

…

"_**WHO WANTS ENCHILADAS?"**_

**/=+=/**

Yong Soo and Feliciano seemed extremely entertained by the fact that they were finally going to see me cook something that wasn't either Russian or Italian. But heck. I've made enchiladas before. I made them for a sporting event back at the ol' high school! People just LOVED them.

"Ve~~~the smell's really strong, sorella…"

"This smells _**awesome**_, da ze!" Yong Soo grabbed the wraps. "How many are we making?"

"Enough to feed the entire family, guys." I smiled. "And knowing the three of us and Al-kun, we can eat till forever."

"So that would be…about six of these batches, da ze!"

"But I'm making about ten of these, Yong-chan."

"I want a lot, da ze!"

"All right, all right. Help me wrap these, already."

They seemed more than willing to do so, singing what sounded like Japanese _(something about drawing circles?)_ even though they are a Korean and Italian. Strange little things happen in the world of America…no blond burger-chugging nineteen year old included. Fortunately, we were done in about half an hour and quickly dropped them in the oven.

"Well, that's it for that…" I grinned. "Let's go check up on Antonio and see if he's awake!"

"_**YAAAAAY!"**_

It's like I'm taking care of six year olds…the most…adorable six year olds in the world…

We paraded back into the lobby and saw to our amazement that the box hasn't moved at all. I tapped the box and realized that he wasn't even responding to the taps at all. I got extremely confused, grabbed the spices on my enchiladas, and then rubbed it all over the box.

Still nothing.

…

I really, _**really**_ hope that I didn't get little!Spain. From what I heard from this manual, it…it wasn't fun to be around him. Especially if I couldn't use Feli-chan to stop him from being a total jerk. And if jerkville is anything like Gilbert…

…

"**YONG SOO."**

"Da ze?"

"**Get me the TOMATO unit."**

"Can do, da ze!"

Five seconds later, he quickly found a tomato in the box and handed it over to me. Immediately, I began a staring war with it. It looked like a tomato…felt like a tomato…heck, was as squeaky as a tomato. This must be a tomato. Which means that I'M DROPKICKING THIS _**STRAIGHT**_ OUT THE WINDOW.

Unfortunately, the tomato decided that it wasn't going to leave through the window, hit the wall, and dropkicked my face.

…

…

…

"That's it."

**~Rizal~**

'_CONGRATULATIONS for being accepted, __**Rizal!**__ We here at the University of California are expecting many good things from you as you expand your education into the working world. In this letter, you have been given your campus ID and a set password. Please log into our website and change your password as soon as possible…'_

I sighed as I stared at the email that I had been sent. Sure, my summer vacation just started a few weeks ago _(speaking of which, it's July 1__st__…I should tell Matthew happy birthday)_, and now here I am trying to deal with college that isn't happening in about a month. How am I supposed to know what my parent's Social Security numbers are? They confiscated that when they-

"_**WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UP WAKE UUUUUUUUUUUUUUP!"**_

God, thank you.

I quickly shut off the computer and headed down the hallway toward the lobby. I did _**not**_ want to think about this now. As I headed down, I could've sworn that I was smelling something that could wake the living dead. Before I could go to see what was going on, I felt myself bump into something that wasn't there. Which would mean…

"Matthew?"

"_G-good morning, Rizal."_

"There you are. Happy Birthday, by the way."

"_Eh? Y-you remember?"_

"I remember everything that I read, Matthew. And if it's wrong, today's your birthday, right?"

"_I-it is…thank you, Rizal."_

"Yeah…and with everything going around in the house, I couldn't really leave any of you guys alone, so I couldn't get you anything."

"_It's fine. You gave me and my brother a roof over our heads, that's all I want."_

"Nice to know that you have simple needs."

"_**Freaking shit mace OPEN UP AND GET THE HELL OUT OF THE BOX, DAMMIT!"**_

"_W-what is she yelling about?"_

"…I want to say our new unit."

"_Well…he is a week late…"_

"True that."

The both of us headed over to the lobby, and what do you know, Feliciano and Yong Soo were watching my poor sister screaming at a box and throwing an indestructible tomato at it for some time. Five minutes later, she started screaming something else before storming back into the kitchen, the others following suit.

"What the hell…?"

"_M-maybe there's something wrong with it?"_

"Let's go check it out."

Matthew was first to walk down to it, looking through the box and finding what looked like tomato boxers. I had to admit…_that_ was a little weird. Without even thinking, I tapped the side of it. Strange enough, I heard tapping on the other side. Guess he's awake.

"…do you have any idea how to get out of there? Tap the box once for yes and twice for no."

About five minutes _(no joke)_ passed by before I heard two taps from the other side of the box. I gave the signal to Matthew, who immediately went to unhook the box lid and slowly opened the door. Instantly, a man walked out of the box, seemingly perplexed by his surroundings. He had curly brown hair and shining green eyes, shining off his tan skin and exaggerating his khaki uniform. He…looked pretty nice.

"Ah…this place is so beautiful to live in!" He chirped and headed out the box before turning to me. "Is this your house?"

"I share it with my sister, but…yeah." I blinked. "My name is Rizal Pacquiao, and my sister is Charice."

"Ahahaha! You two sound fun." The man answered before turning to Matthew. "Hey, Estados Unidos!"

"…_C-Canada…"_

"That's Matthew." I answered. "Not America."

"Canada? Ah, you mean Francis's son!" He laughed. "Oh, I'm sorry! I didn't notice the difference!"

"_I-it's fine. No one ever does…"_

"But I should know, since Francis is a friend of mine, right?" He laughed. "He talks of you from time to time."

He does? Is that part of the canon?

"_H-he does?"_

"Yeah! Um…I kinda forgot what most of them were about…ahahahaha…" The man snapped his fingers. "What's today's date?"

"July 1st."

"Really?" He blinked. "Oh! Happy Birthday, America!"

"_Canada!"_

"Right, right…ahahaha…" Was he really still smiling? "Speaking of which, I've been smelling some enchiladas and it's making me super hungry. Where are they?"

"…there in the kitchen." I blinked.

"Oh? And where's the kitchen?"

"…right there."

"Behind me?"

"God, _**you're looking at it right now."**_

"Oh, over there? Ahahaha…I didn't notice it…"

Wow, he's annoying.

"I guess you're hungry now-"

"_**OH COME ON! **_How in the world does he wake up to you and not me?"

I turned my head and saw that Charice and her little travel buddies had emerged from the kitchen to see that I had succeeded in doing something she might've spent the last half hour on. Upon viewing, Feliciano chirped and immediately hugged him.

"Fratello Antonio!" He chirped.

"Ah! You're here as well!" The man laughed. "Are they feeding you well here?"

"Ve~~~of course! Charice is a really great cook!"

"Ah." He looked up to her. "You must be Charice!"

"And _**you**_ must be Antonio Fernandez _**Ca**__**rrrrrrrrrr**__**iedo!"**_

_***clap clap stomp***_

…

…

"Ahahaha…you can't roll your 'r's, can you?"

"_**Shut up."**_

"No no no…you have to do this right…" He let go of Feliciano and cleared his throat. "Hola, amigos. Soy el país del amor, la República de España. Me llamo Antonio Fernandez _**Ca**__**rrrrrrr**__**iedo!"**_

_***stomp stomp clap***_

…

…

Are those…roses?

…

…

Wow. I really hate this guy. The only person I hate even more than him is Gilbert…and that's reasonable.

**/=+=/**

**I'M TRYING TO GIVE THESE TWO AT LEAST THREE CHAPTERS OF A BREAK, BUT ANTONIO CAME INTO THE MANUAL WORLD AND I JUST **_**HAD**_** TO DO THIS. I REALLY REALLY HAVE TO.**


	16. Over Them Enchiladas

**Last time on the manual fanfic, we have been introduced to Antonio Fernandez CA****RRRRRR****IEDO! Now, how will life run for them?**

**~Charice~**

Despite being _impossible_ to wake up, he was very happy about my cooking. In fact, he was chirping about it half the time. Now that, I am glad to say, is a great talent that I am so glad that I have. The six of us were munching along on our newly cooked enchiladas when we heard someone walking through the doorway and pause.

"Antonio."

"Arthur." He smiled back at him. "You live here too?"

"Yes…yes, I do."

"Um…no arguing, please?"

"Ah…all right, mi querida~"

"Yaaaaay~"

**~Rizal~**

Yes, I did think Feliciano and Charice clapping and chirping at the same time was cute. I just didn't think it was _**that**_ cute. Antonio thought it was cute, and apparently it was to the point where he tackle-glomped Feliciano. With Charice. At the same time.

"Oh good lord." Arthur lifted his hand to his mouth.

"Yeah…that'll happen." I sighed. "Enchilada?"

"Why? Did the bloody Spaniard make it?"

"No. Charice did. And they taste really good." I shrugged. "It was the only thing she made, so take it or leave it."

Arthur didn't seem to like it, but after mentioning that Charice made it he seemed more willing to have a go at it. He didn't seem to hate it, which made her a little happier…or maybe it was because Feliciano made a new sound that I never heard before that was somewhat cute?

God help the Lovino we end up getting…

"Oi oi! That smell can only mean one thing: is it Tony today?"

"Eh?" Antonio looked up from the nearly mauled Italian man. "Gilbert! Ah, Buenos dias~!"

"Ey, guten tag!" They shook hands. "Nice to see you around, man."

"Same thing here." Antonio smiled. "How is life here?"

"The boy over there'll give ya a hard time. The girl's perfectly normal."

Normal? Seriously? I'm the weird one of this family? I think that had to be the strangest thing that I have ever heard in my entire life. I barely noticed that Ivan had wandered into the room, sitting down quietly on a chair before I realized again that…he was sitting on Matthew. THAT'S where he was. Speaking of which…where's-?

"Your breasts belong to ME, da ze!"

"_**GAAAAAAH!"**_

I stood up and looked outside the door to realize that Yong Soo had decided to change up the game and groped Alfred for once. I shrugged and gestured that we had breakfast, to which Alfred didn't seem to mind all of that. He jumped down to grab his share of the food before realizing who was here.

"Ah, Antonio!" He grinned. "New here?"

"Yes, Alfred. The place is really nice~" He answered, flowers flying out of his head. "The greeting that I had was extremely generous~"

"Yeah, just have to get into the guy's good side and it's smooth sailing through there." Alfred actually gestured the wave part. "Hey, speaking of which…where's my brother?"

"Eh?" Arthur blinked. "Who?"

"_M-maple…"_

**~Charice~**

"Ivan-kuuuun, you're sitting on Maple-chan!"

"Ne? Oh, sorry Matthew~"

"_Maaaaple…"_

"He sounds like a Pokemoooon~"

I cuddled Feliciano _(like I always do)_ as everyone sat down for their breakfast. Antonio seemed to enjoy it the most out of all of them, but then again they were too busy talking about something else. What they were talking about…I'm not really sure. Feli-chan was too busy eating his enchilada slowly.

"Wow…I'm surprised you're not just gorging the thing in your mouth."

"Ve~~~I want to savor what sorella makes for me." He bit again. "She makes the best food in the world~"

"Second best. Last time I checked, you're the best cook out there~!"

"Thank you, sorella…veeee."

How in the world didn't anyone in the actual show not strangle-hug him to death? It was almost impossible to do so. Especially since he started leaning on me while eating his enchilada cooing all the way. It was almost impossible not to hug. No seriously. We had to pry Yong-chan off his neck.

"Well then, we should give you a tour of the entire place~!" Gil-kun grabbed Antonio's shoulder. "Ready?"

"Hold on! I want to get a few of these first!" Antonio grabbed a few of the enchiladas. "These are really good."

"Ve~~~I wanna go!"

"Hell, let's all go!" Al-kun jumped up to his feet.

"Well, someone has to go wash the dishes." I stood up. "Kuya, you handle them."

"…why me?"

"Because you're the only one who knows how to knock someone out."

"All right, all right."

Rizal and Gil-kun went up ahead as the others followed suit _(Iggy-kun didn't seem too happy about it, and Ivan-kun was skipping with Feli-chan~)_. After a few minutes I saw Antonio turn around and not face me, but to a quiet Maple-kun on the chair a few feet away from me.

"Are you coming, Matthew?"

"_E-eh?"_ Maple-kun blushed. _"N-no, thank you. I think I'm going to help Charice here in the kitchen."_

"Are you sure?"

"_Yeah…"_

"All right. We'll be back for you."

Antonio skipped away as I stood up and began to clean up the dishes _(there were leftovers, which shocked me)_. I couldn't help but look up and see Matthew quietly stacking up the dishes next to me as I tried to find a place for the enchiladas for the fridge.

"You OK, Maple?"

"_Yeah, I'm fine…"_ He shivered. _"It's just that…I'm not used to being remembered like that."_

"No? Come on, Maple, you're very easy to remember!"

"_It's fine, Charice, but…thank you for trying to cheer me up. None of them seem to know me whenever I'm in the room. It's because me and my brother look the same."_

"Really? I always figured because every single nation is _**dipshit insane."**_

"_Eh?"_

"I mean, your hair is longer than Alfred's, your eyes are violet, you wear a hoodie with a maple leaf on it, and the curl on your head is a hell lot longer than Al's…I mean, the only thing you have that Alfred doesn't have is a working national healthcare plan."

"_C-Charice…"_

"Forget about them. They were all born with silver spoons in their mouths and knives in their brains."

"…_thank you…but still, it's nice being remembered."_

"Yeah, that's true…which is why you countered Alfred by sending Justin Bieber over there, right?"

"_Um…e-even if I did, he sent me Rebecca Black…"_

"Oh. Well, he beat you to that mess."

"_Y-yeah…that's fine…not like I tried."_

"But someone's going to remember you. Probably not these dumbasses, but it'll be someone."

"…_thank you."_

**/=+=/**

**Short, but I had nothing.**


	17. AND THE FILLER COMES BACK

**Cause we all know you miss it XD**

**~Rizal~**

_*ring*_

_*ring*_

_*ring*_

"Hello?"

"_Is this Charice Pacquiao?"_

"No. This is her brother, but I can leave a message."

"_**HOLY CRAP, I found a karaoke machine in the game room!"**_

"_You two are owners of the Hetalia Units, am I correct?"_

"Yeah, we are. Why?"

"_**Where is it? Where? I don't see it!"**_

"_**Hidden behind these DVDs! Hey, Yong Soo! Help me get this out!"**_

"_**All right, da ze!"**_

"_We at the Flying Mint Bunny Express are calling all of our customers because we have updated all of your units overnight and we are going to be mailing you the updated manuals within the next few days."_

"_**Where the hell do I plug this in?"**_

"_**Don't be so stingy, Arthur! The plug's over there!"**_

"Wait, how did you update our units? Mine hasn't even left the house."

"_**Ve~~~will Charice be singing?"**_

"_**HELL YEAH~!"**_

"_We update the software through wireless communication."_

"Oh…" Well, ain't that creepy.

"_**Here's the music book, da ze!"**_

"_**Let me see!"**_

"_Through these updates, more modes have been added and we have imputed more information concerning certain problems based on user statements. Our customers come first, you know."_

"_**Hell yeah I'm singing this song! Too awesome to ignore, boys!"**_

"_**Ahaha! Typical of you, Gilbert!"**_

"_**Yeah, I know! Aren't I awesome that way?"**_

I have a strange feeling he was lying about this.

"_**Yosh~ I'm doing this one then!"**_

"_**Ne~~so who's going first?"**_

"_Some modes have been renamed to make more sense to our first-time users, so please do not hesitate to call us if you have any questions."_

"_**THE AWESOME ME IS GOING FIRST!"**_

"_**Yaaaay~!"**_

He was totally lying about this.

"_**This isn't going to end well, isn't it?"**_

"_**Ah, don't be so worried Iggy-kun! What's the worst that can happen?"**_

"_**It's Arthur…"**_

"_**OK, Iggy-kun!"**_

"Well, I do have a few questions I want to bring up-"

"_All right then. Let me transfer you."_

"_**Did you plug in the batteries, da ze?"**_

"_**Of course I did!"**_

"_**All right, let's start this awesomeness!"**_

"How long do I have to wait?"

"_**Did you plug in the numbers of the song yet?"**_

"_**Hah?"**_

"_**The numbers coded with the song in the book?"**_

"…_**oh. The awesome me knew that!"**_

_***sigh***_

"_About five minutes."_

"_**All right then…this is the number set…"**_

"_**Um…should we be worried?"**_

"_**I'm not sure…"**_

"All right…I can wait."

"_OK…please hold."_

"_**Ah…I like this song."**_

"_**Ne~~~this is beautiful, da?"**_

"_**All right! Let this awesomeness begin! DUH DAN DAN DE **__**DAAAAAAH!**__**"**_

…

…

…

…

…

"_**OH MY GOD, HE SUCKS!"**_

"_**Veeeeeee~~~~! My ears are bleeding, sorella!"**_

"_**Someone stop him, please! Flying Mint Bunny is dying!"**_

"_**Forget the Mint Bunny! **__**WE'RE**__** DYING HERE!"**_

"_This is Marissa. How may I help you?"_

"Hey, this is Rizal. I'm here to ask about the unlimited McDonalds card that comes with the ALFRED F. JONES package."

"_**Ahahaha…it's not that bad, you guys."**_

"_**Tony-chan, YOUR EARS ARE BLEEDING TOO!"**_

"_**Ve~~~! Fratello Antonio is dying without realizing it!"**_

"_What is the problem with it, sir?"_

"_**I'm unplugging this, da ze!"**_

"_**No way! You're not stopping the awesomeness!"**_

"_**NOOOOO I WAS SO CLOSE, DA ZEEEEEE!"**_

"Well, Arthur had taken it from him during one of their arguments and I think he misplaced it."

"_**Antonio, help us find the Q-tips please!"**_

"_**Ok~! Is it outside?"**_

"_**Yes! PLEASE FIND THEM!"**_

"_**VEEEEE~~~!"**_

"_We will send a replacement card with the new manuals."_

"All right then-"

"Ah~! Rizal!"

I looked up from the phone and saw Antonio walking down toward me, a smile on his face and a trot in his step as well as…

"Why are your ears bleeding?"

"I'm not sure, but your sister thinks that Q-tips are going to help. Do you know where they are?"

"It's in the bathroom, five doors down, on the left."

"All right~~~~"

"_**SOMEONE KNOCK HIM OUT, PLEASE!"**_

"_**MAMAAAAAAAA…oooooooOOOOh…"**_

"_**Ne…let me handle this."**_

"_Rizal? Are you still there?"_

"Yeah, I'm here. Just a-"

_***DONG!***_

"Small, small problem."

"_All right. Will that be all?"_

"Yeah. Thank you."

"_Thank you for staying a loyal customer. We hope to hear from you soon."_

"Sure…bye."

She hung up the phone first, making me hang up after her. Looking up, I couldn't help but see Antonio skipping back to the lounge with a bag of Q-tips and that same smile on his face…even though the blood was leaving a trail on the carpet. I couldn't help but sigh and shake my head.

_We're getting another unit after the manuals, aren't we?_

**/=+=/**

**You totally missed this, didn't you?**


	18. Timing Couldn't Be Any Worse

**After all that filler, where's the story?**

**~Rizal~**

After psyching myself up, I couldn't help but walk back into the lounge. The door swung open and I saw everyone either staring at each other or writhing on the ground with blood coming out of their ears. Did I state that the only person standing was Ivan? He greeted me with a slight wave and a laugh.

"Um…what happened to the others?"

"I don't know. They seemed to be in pain, but not anymore, da?"

"I think it's because half of them are dead."

"Ne~~~should we bury the bodies?"

"_**No.**_ Let's not." I sighed. Ivan must really like burying bodies. Must be a Russian thing. "At least help me clean up the blood in here."

"All right, da?"

"Just get the towels."

Ivan skipped out of the room as I saw Antonio smiling and holding the Q-tips in his hands, the blood still flowing freely from his ears. I thought I'd see Gilbert around, but then I saw that he was on the ground as well, a huge gash on his head. I turned my head and saw that Matthew was on the ground as well, a huge rock in his hands that had a little layer of blood on it. At least I know where that came from…

"Antonio…do you mind helping some of these guys at least to come out of consciousness?"

"Of course."

He headed over to some of the others as I helped my sister to a sitting position. She snapped out of it the minute I got her up _(which was good)_, but she immediately went crawling to Feliciano and hence gave herself an ear bleed. I had to admit though…watching this was cute.

"Feli-chan? _**Feli-chan!"**_ She was sobbing too. It should be serious, but it was actually funny. "Speak to me! Feli-chan!"

That screaming alone got Yong Soo awake and crawling toward the casualty. I think I saw something like this before. HetaOni, I think.

"Is he alright, da ze?"

"I dunno…he's not moving!" She shook him again. "Feli-chan!"

"…_mmmn…"_

"Feli-chan…!" She leaned forward. "Feli-chan…are you all right?"

"…_s…so…sorella?"_ He cuddled closer to her stomach. _"Am I…?"_

"Yeah…yeah, you're alive." My sister laughed. "You had us worried sick."

_This is getting to be…extremely overblown…_

"_Ve…sorella."_

"Hm?"

"_I saw him…on the other side."_

"You saw who, da ze?"

"…_Holy Rome…Heilrich…"_

He fell asleep in Charice's arms _(no duh)_, allowing her to cuddle him to her chest and break a few cute laws. Seriously, it should be illegal to be this cute. And Charice is the law. I turned my head and saw that Arthur had just risen from consciousness, rubbing out the blood from his ears.

"Jesus…this bloody hurts…"

"Survived the apocalypse, I see."

"I'm surprised that you haven't bled from the monstrosity."

"I was outside the room. Had to take a call from some annoying guy." Which, frankly, saved my life. "How're the rest of the guys?"

"They'll be fine, from what I see." Arthur watched Alfred come to life a few feet away. "Though I'm pretty sure no one wants to touch the karaoke machine for a while."

"I would not be surprised."

**~Charice~**

"Where's Feliciano?"

"I tucked him in his bed. Apparently he's taking a siesta or something like that." I shrugged. "How're the others?"

"Ivan's throwing Gilbert into _Frightened _mode again…and this time, he deserves it." He answered. "The others are all in the other lounge area playing either Wii Resort or what I assume is Blazeblue."

"We have that game?"

"Apparently." Rizal stopped me. "Listen, about that phone call that we got…"

"What about it?"

"It was from the company. Apparently they upgraded everyone into version 2.0." He gave them quotes. "And they're going to hand us their updated manuals in the next 24 hours."

"Which means…?"

"Most likely, we're going to get a unit box afterwards…"

"Fantastic."

"Can this get any worse…?"

"Well, I did get a call from lola."

"Grandma?" Rizal looked up. "What about her?"

"She's planning on visiting us. She wants to know how the thing she ordered is going."

By the look on kuya's face, he knew that she was going to be terrified out of her mind. Most likely, lola was expecting some interactive game or even some online stuff and not these units running around our mansion. I wonder if she's going to throw us out when she realized just what she got us…

"Did you tell her anything…?"

"I said that we were having fun with it."

"…we are?"

"Well, I was only thinking about Feli-chan when I was talking to her."

"Way to go."

"Yeah, I know." I sighed. "I'm scared of what she's going to think about Gilbert, Ivan and Yong Soo."

"Why them?"

"I think we can threaten the others into behaving normally until she leaves." I laughed. "Those three, on the other hand, are as wild as-"

***meep***

***snuggle***

…

…

…

"Yong Soo, I swear to god, if you try touching my breasts _**one more time…"**_

"_Ve~~~"_

"Eh? Feli-chaaaan~!" I chirped. "I thought you were sleeping!"

"Everyone else was loud. I couldn't sleep…"

"You want me to move you to another room?"

"No…no, I'm fine." He snuggled closer to me. "I heard that your grandmother is coming over to visit. Do you know when?"

"No, not really." I blinked. "But when I do, I need you to be on your best behavior. All right?"

"Ve~~~anything, sorella. What about the others?"

"_**That's**_ what I'm scared about." I smiled. "But let's not worry about that for a while. Let's-"

***ding dong***

"Those must be the manuals~!"

My brother stood there in confusion as the both of us skipped toward the door, and we threw the door open ready to greet the man on the other side. Instead, we saw a woman with long semi-gray hair and what looked like a one-piece black dress smiling back at us. Oh…damn.

"Hi…lola."

"_Ve~~~"_ Feli-chan hid behind me.

"Hey, Charice." She chirped. "Oh? Who's the boy behind you?"

"Oh…him?" I had to turn my head. "This is…a friend of mine. Feliciano Vargas. Feli-chan, this is my grandmother."

"Ve~~~nice to meet you."

"Oh, aren't you the cutest thing?" She took his hand. "Italian immigrant? My my, Charice…you know just what kind of boy you like."

"Um…lola? He's not my boyfriend."

"Oh? Oh, is he Rizal's boyfriend then?"

"_**NO!"**_ I couldn't help but scream. "Rizal's not dating yet!"

"Oh…well, he's just a friend?"

"Y-yes." Feli-chan nodded. "She's a really nice person."

"Yes she is…though I have to wonder what kind of girl you're into if you're not interested in my granddaughter."

"He's probably gay."

"Ve~~~"

"You want something to eat, lola? If you told me that you were coming earlier, I would've made something!"

"Oh, sure! I'm always more than willing to wait forever for your delicious food!"

"Yaaay~!"

The three of us moved toward the kitchen, and from the corner of my eye I saw Rizal seeing us from the side of the door and began to head back up to the lounge to tell the others about the new visitor. At least, I really hope that he is.

**~Rizal~**

Great. Lola had to come now out of all things. At least give us a bit of a warning so that I can tell the others to hide or at least behave themselves. But bygones will be bygones. All I can do now is tell the others now and hope that they're willing to cooperate for at least a week or two.

"_Rizal? What's going on?"_

"Oh, Matthew." I turned to see his barely visible image. "My grandmother came for a surprise visit."

"_Oh, she's here?"_

"Yeah. I was going to tell the others that she was here and that they should be on their best behavior." I stated. "This is technically her house and she can throw all of us out if she wants us to."

"_Oh…t-that's bad…"_

It was then that I heard another doorbell ring. My nerves immediately tensed. That better not be what I think it is.

"_I'll tell the others about everything. You better get the door."_

"Thanks."

I dashed down to the doorway just as I saw my grandmother open the door and talk to the deliveryman on the other side. Oh god…she was getting the manuals…and she had seen the box. God help us all. She's going to question what this is all about, isn't it? Dear god, help us…

"Oh, Rizal! The recent delivery came in!" She laughed. "I never thought that the package would be so big!"

_Yeah, you can't believe anything anymore._ I sighed. "It's a…set. To say the least."

"So you already have a few of these deliveries?" She looked at the manuals. "And these manuals?"

"…updates." I answered, quickly grabbing and hiding the manuals before she would read the titles. The top one happened to be Feliciano's, and the last thing I wanted was for her to find out that way. If she's going to see the androids, at least keep it focused on one person. "Where's the manual for this one?"

"It's over here. The nice man gave it to me."

"Let me see this."

She gave it to me as Charice and Feliciano were watching safely from a distance. I sighed as I took a glance at the title.

'**FRANCIS BONNEFOIS: User Guide and Manual'**

…

…

…

…

…

Fuck.

**/=+=/**

**And the siblings are screwed!**


	19. America, The Hero!

**And less than a few seconds later, the grandmother is going to find out what she ordered for them!**

**~Rizal~**

"Are you all right, Rizal?"

"I'll…be fine…"

I have no idea what to think on whatsoever. Out of all the units that they had to send us the day our grandmother arrives, it _**HAD**_ to be the messed up, perverted French guy. How in the world is she going to let us keep all of these guys if the first one she meets is almost raping her grandchild? God help me…

"Still have no idea how to open it?" Lola asked me.

"It's…in here somewhere." I answered. "W-why don't you wait in the kitchen for the food?"

She quietly did so _(surprisingly)_ as I got to the section when it came to waking him up. The first method involved playing some French song that I could not read nor remember. The second one involved cooking French food, but my sister was making Filipino food in the kitchen for our grandmother so I can't do that either. The third one had music from people that sounded American but I did not know. And the fourth option…wasn't even an option. I am so freaking screwed, aren't I?

"Oh my goodness, my trip to France was absolutely _**fabulous~!**_ I love the cuisine over there…but the music was even better! You have to admit that their national theme is so much more beautiful than America's."

"Ve~~? Really?"

"Really, my dear Italian."

"Are you _**hitting**_ on him?"

Barely had I figured that out when I realized that lola was singing something in French as she was dancing out of the kitchen with Feliciano by her side. It was around then that I thought of something: was this 'La Marseillaise'?

'_Que de partager leur cercueil,_

_Nous aurons le sublime orgueil_

_De les venger ou de les suivre…_

_Aux armes, citoyens…'_

**HOLY CRAP,** it's 'La Marseillaise'.

If that wasn't bad enough, I heard singing from the box. While most of the singing from the other boxes at least has the decency to be quiet enough for us to hear, this bastard was basically belting the damn song out from the box. What rounded this whole thing off was that lola heard it. And now she was curious.

"Is that singing coming from the box?"

_Shiiiiiiiiit._

"Ve~~~I think it is."

_Double shiiiiiiiiiit._

"Ooh, now I'm curious." Lola went to the box. "What could it possibly be-"

"_**HEEEEEEEY**_ you must be the grandmother I've been hearing about!"

**~Charice~**

Before I knew it, I saw Al-kun literally slide himself down the staircase and jump right in front of lola. About five different people mashed on behind him as they all swarmed my grandmother like she was the most interesting thing in the world. Feliciano peaked over my shoulder in confusion.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, ma'am! The name's Alfred F. Jones, and I gotta say that you have the most lovely grandchildren that I have ever met-"

"_**Grandchildren?**_ Hah! You make it sound like I'm over ninety years old or something!" She laughed. "I prefer niece and nephew, thank you very much."

"Right, right."

It was then that Alfred sent a wink at the both of us. Me and Rizal nodded before we quickly opened the box, revealing that there was some blond guy inside it who had just finished singing. We didn't even give him a chance to talk: we threw him out of the box while Feliciano went to quickly open and close the door. Before lola could turn around, I could've sworn that Matthew was whispering something in the guy's ears. He nodded, waved at us for a few minutes, and then turned to the rather surprised lola of ours.

"Oh…who are you?"

"I'm a friend of Rizal's." He bowed. "Francis Bonnefois, mademoiselle."

"O-oh my…" She giggled. "I didn't even see you walk through the door."

"Well, I did come through it." He laughed. "Feliciano let me in."

"Ve~~~" He waved quietly.

"You have an accent too…" She tilted her head. "Are you…French?"

"Oui. Though I'm considering trying to find a place to move in." He laughed. "Rizal here was kind enough to lend me a spare room until I found a place."

"_**Wha-?"**_

"Oh really? Hah! Such a charmer!" She leaned in to him. "Are you hungry? My niece here made some food and you will love it! She's going to be a chef, you know!"

"Well, well…let me be the judge of that."

Francis and lola quietly walked into the kitchen talking the entire time, leaving the rest of us stuck to stare at each other. Fortunately, Gilbert and Ivan were able to move the empty box out of the way until the room had emptied itself out. It was then that I was finally said what I wanted to say.

"Um…was she just hitting on him?"

"I want to assume so."

I wanted to stab myself. In the eye. Fifteen thousand times. I lifted my hand out, and fortunately Rizal gave me the manual. And I flipped it open to see what was inside. There weren't that many details that didn't point the main version of Francis: he was a player. A really big player. Who was friends with Antonio and Gilbert. God help us. Speaking of which, Gilbert and Antonio had already headed in after Francis and were hitting up my grandmother.

**~Rizal~**

Why in the world were those three hitting on my grandmother?

The whole group headed inside as they were talking about something that we didn't catch onto. I sat next to Matthew as lola started talking about her recent interview with some B-class celebrity in France and how much she enjoyed going around Paris. Francis was having a ball with this.

"I was having the most fabulous dinner in the Eifel Tower with him as he was talking about his movie." She laughed. "The view was so beautiful and everything was so bright that I almost forgot that I was in Paris! Hah, the only lights that I've seen were in the beautiful NY!"

"Wasn't the tower beautiful?"

"And it was so big too! Me and my guest got lost so many times!"

"But did you have a good time?"

"I had a great time!"

And for some reason, Francis was laughing in a way that creeped me out. I blinked and tilted my head, confused on what was going on. Charice, on the other hand, was facepalming and covering Feliciano's ears.

All right, I'm confused.

**/=+=/**

**We haven't gotten into the better part~!**


	20. The Bad Touch Trio PART ONE

**Somehow, Alfred saved their asses! Now what's going to happen?**

**~Rizal~**

The conversation started getting weirder. Every time she would mention the Eifel Tower, Francis would laugh weirdly and Charice was tightening her grip on Feliciano's ears. The poor guy was whimpering in pain the entire time, and all she was doing was hushing him gently while destroying what was left of his brain cells.

This slightly intrigued me.

"So what do you think of my niece's food, Francis?" Lola leaned in with keen interest. "Is it good?"

"Hm…how long has she been in culinary school?"

"Two years. She has been cooking for our family ever since she was able to hold a pot!"

"Ah, lola…" Charice laughed, almost letting go of Feliciano. "Don't say things like that."

"Well, she is going to need the other years." Francis grinned. "She is good, but being in California she needs more talent than this."

"He speaks the truth, doesn't he Charice?"

"Um…sure."

"Ve~~~I think Charice has good cooking skills…" Feliciano whimpered cutely.

"_I think so too."_ Matthew blinked.

"Hm?" Lola looked up. "Who are you?"

"_Matthew…"_

"That's fine! No one remembers him either!" Gilbert laughed. "Totally unawesome, but it's true!"

"Well, why is that? He's the most adorable thing that I have ever seen in my life!" Lola chirped. "I've seen a lot of men in my career, and he tops a lot of them!"

"_U-uh…um…well…I…um…t-thank you…"_

"Uh…" Arthur turned to me. "W-what's going on?"

"The Cute-Obsession mode runs in the family."

"Oh dear god…" Arthur sighed.

So the rest of the table learned of the genetics of Charice's psychosis attack as lola began oodling over Matthew, not aware that Feliciano had hid himself behind her in fear. This occurred for a few minutes _(hours? I'm not even sure anymore)_ until a phone rang out. Lola quickly grabbed her cell and started listening. Her face seemed to be shocked at first before she mellowed out into a sigh and hung up.

"That was my boss. I've been assigned with another job of mine…goodness." She sighed. "Of course, I'm going to be on TV~. ET is going to air my special!"

"Awesome." Gilbert grinned.

"Sounds cool, da ze!" Yong Soo clapped.

"I guess I should be going." She stood up and headed to the door. "Have fun with your friends, Charice, Rizal. Please don't let them kill you."

And with that note, she turned and left the place alone, leaving all of us stuck with all of them. Sucks, really. Especially since Francis was now looking at us with a strange look of interest.

"Well then…am I going to have a formal introduction?"

**~Charice~**

"Oh…right." I laughed. "My name's Charice Pacquiao, the supposed owner of this place. The boy over there is my younger brother Rizal."

"…hi."

"Nice to meet you both." He proceeded to kiss my hand. "Francis Bonnefois, at your service-"

About a half a millisecond later, Rizal and Arthur had succeeded in crushing his brain into the wall. Of course, Feli-chan shouldn't have to see that and he gladly didn't _(if my hands had anything to say about that)_. Antony-kun was laughing at just how big the crater was in the wall and Gilbert was wondering how in the world Rizal didn't just massacre the man with a yo-yo and a razor blade.

"Haaaah…such violence." He stood up without a scratch. "Why must you be so rough?"

"Because you deserve it." Rizal spat.

"Frog." Arthur added. He sounded like the middle man.

"Ahhh…but I _like_ it rough."

About fifteen seconds after that, Francis had pinned my brother to the wall and was now rubbing his hand through his hair. The rather strong-willed brother of mine had immediately frozen up and found himself unable to really figure out just how in the world he should fling the poor bastard off.

"_Well well…doesn't a man as strong and brave as you know how to handle yourself in a position such as this?"_

"_S-shut up…get the hell away from-"_ His voice stopped the minute a hand touched his stomach.

"_Your skin is soft…"_

"…_let me go…"_

For some reason, his smacking abilities had been extremely dumbed down to just trying to push him off and failing horribly. Meaning that Arthur and I had to instantly shoo the bastard away with the means of a stick and a randomly found chainsaw _(thank you, Alfred, for finding it)_. Rizal fell to the ground in glee as Feli-chan went to his aid.

"Ve~~~are you all right?"

"_Um…I'm fine…"_ He sighed.

At least, I think that's what he said. Me and Arthur were too busy torturing some French guy to death with tweezers. Gilbert and Antonio laughed at this _(even though this was their best friend…?)_ as they went to save that guy from major pain and dragged him up the stairs.

"Maybe we should show you this awesome place." Gilbert laughed. "There are _**so many rooms**_ here."

"_Hm…I'm getting curious…"_ Francis was recovering, standing up. "Show me the way."

"I need this tour too, you know~!" Antonio laughed. "Show me too!"

"Of course, of course! I'm totally awesome that way!"

The three of them vanished into the depths of the mansion as the rest of us started wondering just what the hell else to do. After a few seconds of just waiting there, Rizal realized that there was a manual made straight for Francis. He was reading it for a few minutes as he went wandering around the place _(apparently embarrassed of the fact that he had almost been molested by a French guy)_. We all stared at each other again.

…

…

…

"Hey, Yong Soo! We have a pool here!"

"_**REALLY?"**_ He chirped. "That's awesome, da ze!"

"Ve~~~I wanna go back to the pool!"

"It should be fun, da?"

And everyone decided to dash down toward the pool room with grins so huge that it was creepy. I stared at their exit for a few seconds before turning around and bashing into an invisible wall. Which could only mean one thing…

"You alright, Matthew?"

"_I'm fine…thank you."_

"Aren't you going to the pool?"

"_I'm not in the mood to swim…"_ He looked at me. _"S-should we go find Rizal and make sure Francis doesn't do anything?"_

"That's a good idea."

The two of us followed what we think was his path as we headed up the staircase and to the right, wondering where in the world he was. After a few long minutes, we found him reading the manual and turning into one of the rooms. Rizal blinked as he slowly opened the door, turning utterly pale, slowly closing the door, and then started to barrel toward us.

"Ack!"

"_W-what's going on?"_

"Don't think about it. Just go. Go now."

"W-why?"

"_**Just go."**_

**~Rizal~**

Dear God. I did not need to know that Antonio could bend that way. Being pushed like that by Gilbert and Francis must've helped. Fortunately, I didn't hear any of the many sounds I'm pretty sure I must've heard if I actually paid attention, but-

_**No.**_

Must stop thinking now.

**/=+=/**

**Guess what happened there ;D**


	21. Damn You Francis PART TWO

**Poor Rizal!**

**~Charice~**

My brother's eyes were starting to bleed the minute we pushed into the pool room. For some reason, Al-kun decided not to use a bathing suit and was now streaking naked all over the place. Why? I don't know. Maybe they were smoking the same thing that Rizal was when he had that mental breakdown of…whatever.

"_W-what do you think Rizal saw?"_

"Traumatized him to no end, so…I don't question." I shrugged. "Then again, Rizal is easily traumatized."

"_Do you think we should address him on that?"_

"Proobbabbbllly…not. I mean, I'm not entirely sure I want to know, but…"

It was then that Al-kun decided to splash us with really cold chlorinated water. It was rather mean…so I threw something at him. I really don't know what I threw at him, though. It could've been a doll…it could've been Maple-chan. I really don't know what I threw. All I knew is that whatever I threw left a Feli-shaped image flying in the air. An image that I couldn't help but want to catch. And sure enough…it was Feli-chan. Who knew.

"Veeeee…"

"Uwa! Are you OK, Feli-chan?"

"_Veeeee…"_

"Awwwww…it's OK, sweetie, it's OK it's OK it's OK…"

**~Rizal~**

What is up with Charice cuddling that Italian?

And why can't this abomination leave my head?

I snuck myself underneath a shade and hid my face to anyone who might've been looking. Fortunately, I was reading that manual that came with Francis' manual and the stuff was actually sounding pretty good. I read the title again _(__How to Stop the French from Invading Your Bed__)_ and then went back to the first chapter. It seems to be a list of some sorts.

**[FIGURE 001] – Keep your body covered at all times. French people love skin that is untainted by blemishes, and the smoother it looks the better it is for them. Usually they like to hang around any public gatherings, so protect yourself!**

I couldn't help but look up and realize that I'm only wearing swimming boxers. Crap. Fortunately, Francis didn't seem to be around the area so I opted not to think about it.

**[FIGURE 002] – Lock your doors when you sleep at night. Baby-proof is your best bet, usually from the inside, because the French can learn how to pick a lock if they have to. Opt not to sleep naked. They like that.**

I bet they do.

**[FIGURE 003] – Stay away from British people. They like them.**

…

…

…

…

…

…

"W-why are you inching away from me?"

"No reason."

**~Charice~**

"Ve~~~! Ivan's splashing me!"

"It's fun, da?"

"_**You almost drowned him!"**_

Yes, I had to cuddle my Italian. The poor boy was crying as he held onto my arms as Ivan decided that it was getting a little boring and decided to go drown someone else…preferably Maple-kun. And it was weird concerning that Yong Soo was thinking that it was something funny. Dear god, they're being friends.

"_Are you OK, Feli-chan?"_

"Ve~~~_I-I'll be fine…"_ He chirped in response. "Because you saved me, sorella~"

"Awwww…that's fine, Feli-chan. I'm always here for mi fratello~"

Feli-chan chirped in response _(awwwww, so cute~)_ as the door opened and three figures appeared at the doorway. For some reason, it was the Bad Touch Trio _(that's what Iggy-chan called them)_ and they all apparently had swim trunks despite the fact that I'm pretty sure that Rizal is too small for any of them. Just at their appearance caused my brother to hide behind that book of his and I can barely hear some choice words coming out of him.

"This is the pool?" Francis looked around. "Hm…expensive for two college students."

"Their grandmother's paying for them." Gilbert explained. "That hot old chick we were talking to?"

Did they just call lola hot?

"Oh, that woman? Ah…I've never saw a woman with suck spunk and grace before!"

_**Oh dear god.**_

"Ve? Are they talking about your gra-"

"_**Don't question don't question don't question NEVER QUESTION."**_

"_V-ve…"_

…

…

…

…

…

…

"**KYAAAAAAAAA!"**

"_**VEEEEEEEEEE!**__**"**_

**~Rizal~**

"Are you having fun here?"

"Hm? Oh, Ivan." I sat up. "Kind of. Just reading the book that came with Francis."

"Ne, I've heard of that book. Most of the stuff has to be done precisely right or else they won't work."

"I can figure that." I couldn't help but watch my sister as she was talking to the rather annoying Spaniard. God, I can't help but hate all of them. "Francis is…"

"French?"

"…I guess that's all I can call him." I sighed. "But there's nothing here pass locking doors and avoiding Arthur."

"I guess that works the best for all of us, da?"

"…da." I sighed again. Hopefully, nothing stupid is going on-

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

Dammit Charice.

**~ [LATER THAT NIGHT] ~**

I'm not Charice. I don't sleep with a buddy like Feliciano. That usually makes me stay up all night and hence I can't sleep at all. Fortunately for me, no one bothers to join me. As I got out of the only bathroom no one seems to know exists _(which is great for me)_, I couldn't help but notice Antonio bumping into me.

"Rizal."

"Antonio."

"Is there a bathroom around here?"

"…yeah." Have to admit that to someone who asked. "Right there."

"Eh?"

"…that's the bathroom."

"Oh, I thought it was a walk-in closet!"

…

…

…

"What."

"I thought you wanted to get something from a closet!"

"…no." Was he really such an idiot? "Why would I want something now, when I'm just about to sleep?"

"A blanket, perhaps?"

"I already have a blanket."

"No no no…a blankie~!"

"…I'm an 18 year old man. I'm pretty sure I don't need one."

"Oh, all right~! I guess I'll just go to the bathroom."

"Do so."

I had to watch him get in there _(on the off chance that he gets into the closet next door…which I won't dismiss as a possibility)_ before turning around and noticing that Matthew was standing there the entire time. Once he noticed me, he mumbled something to himself and ran out of there. What was that about…?

Nevermind. I headed back to my room and locked all the doors _(recently installed since Francis got here)_ and got underneath the covers. There was just so much going into this house right now, and we barely dodged a bullet. What if lola had realized what she had gotten us? Would she have forced us to get rid of all of them? Charice wouldn't like it, she's obviously obsessed over Feliciano and would never want to let him go. Personally, I wouldn't care less. Half of them are idiots and the other half shouldn't be operating in society. But…

It's strange.

It's almost as if I…

…have a family…

…all over again…

…

…

…

…

…

What if I lose all of them again…?

…

…

…

Just like mama?

…

…

…

…and papa?

…

…

…

…

…

"_Mama? __**Mama!**__ Please, wake up! Wake up!"_

…

…

"_Papa…? No, wake up. You're…you're supposed to walk my sister down the aisle…you-you have to tell ate that. She's home, remember?"_

…

…

…

"_Who's…?"_

…

…

Could I afford to lose all of them again…?

"_Who's going to tell ate?"_

…

…

…

…

Could I…?

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"_Ah…I see you've been reading the book."_

"…hhhmmm…?"

"_But you forgot one thing: don't rely solely on the bolt."_

"Eh…?"

…

…

"_**HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET IN MY ROOM?"**_

**~Charice~**

"Eh? Is someone yelling?"

"I don't hear anything. Must be the wind, da?"

"Ah…I guess so. Oh well, back to sleep."

…

…

…

…

"_**GAAAAAH!**__** Ivan, stop doing that!"**_

"Doing what?"

"_**Sneaking into my room like this! God dammit, I might as well- GAAAH!"**_

"_**VEEEEEEE!"**_

"_**UWAAAAA!**__** Feli-chaaaan!"**_

**/=+=/**

**And…that's the next chapter.**


	22. Not Your Smartest Idea

**God bless all of these people. Rizal and Charice need it.**

**~Rizal~**

"…"

"…"

"…why are you still in my room, Francis?"

"I don't have a room to sleep in."

"You could've chose one of them."

"I didn't want to be rude."

"But randomly coming into _**my**_ room isn't being rude?"

"I wasn't going to do anything."

"_**Francis."**_

"OK, I was just a little curious about something-"

"_**God, **_why me…"

"But then you started crying."

"Eh?"

"Haven't you read my manual at all? I may be a pervert, but I do not take advantage of a man or a woman who cries in their sleep."

"…t-the manual counts to both men _**and**_ women? And…?"

Oh shit.

"Now now…don't be worried. I am perfectly aware that I am not a human like yourself, and I am not bothered by it-"

"You saw me cry in my **sleep?"**

"Muttering about your parents, no less." He sat down. "I am right to guess that it explains why you and your sister live alone?"

"_I don't see how it's any of your business."_

"But it is. I live here, and we are family. Families should not be a place to hide all their secrets."

"Says the man that hides his burdens from the world."

"…perhaps. Then again, I won't ask for the whole story." He leaned forward. "Just what you were talking about…something about telling your sister something."

"…"

That, unfortunately, was the entire story.

"…my parents died in a car accident a while back. I was in the car in the passenger's seat…I had a doctor's appointment that night…my sister was home because she doing an online study session with her classmates." He sighed. "Some car ran a red light…slashed the car right in half. If my father was moving any faster, I would've died instantly. Instead…that fate was left to my parents."

"Rizal…"

"First thing they told Charice was that we were in an accident. They didn't bother telling her that I was still alive and barely functioning…"

…

…

…

"_Sir! Sir, can you hear me? Respond if you can! Squeeze my hand, squeeze my hand!"_

**Where…where am I…?**

"_I have a response! Get the medic team over here!"_

**T-that's right…I was in the car with mom and dad…and the light…**

"_Sir, I'm going to have to ask you to stay still right now! You're bleeding too much right now!"_

**W-why…can't I…?**

"_Do you have the gauze? DO YOU HAVE THE GAUZE?"_

**O-oh god…I can't see…I can't see…!**

"_Sir? SIR!"_

…

…

…

"You're…blind?"

"No, not really…not anymore. The glass shards got in my eye and as a result I had temporary blindness. My right eye fully recovered…I'm not so sure about the other one. It works, just…not as well as it used to…"

"I see…how are you about that?"

"…"

"I see…"

Before I knew it, he sat at my bedside and hugged me. Yes, I was scared for my life, but then the sane part of my mind reminded me that Francis did have a mode to him that made him sane around children, and god bless the fact that I found it…but don't think about it. The way he talked to me, whispered whatever the hell he said in my ear…if all of that French isn't actual seduction talk, he does…remind me of father…

"Do you still wish to have a room to yourself?"

"Yes, please…"

"Very well. I'll have the room next door."

"Go even farther, if you can."

**~Charice~**

For some reason, I actually woke before Feli-chan did. When my eyes opened, I saw with surprise that it was already seven o'clock, and Feli-chan was sleeping peacefully in front of me without so much as twitching and cooing in his sleep. When I slowly looked up, Ivan-kun and Yong Soo weren't there either. Dang, they really did leave me alone today.

_Should I get up now and make breakfast…?_ I looked over. _I should be able to move without waking up Feli-chan…he's not hugging me today…_

And that's when my Asianness comes in. You know why? Because five seconds later, I was out of that bed and Feli-chan didn't even _**budge**_. I snuck behind my open door to my closet in order to change, watching with surprise that no one came in and Feli-chan never woke up…even if I did accidentally dropped a whole bunch of pennies onto the ground and they all decided to smack onto the side of the nightstand that I had them on _**one **__**freaking penny AT A TIME.**_ But again, he doesn't wake up.

Awesome~

I snuck myself out the door _(taking great care not to wake him up)_ and realized that…well, no one is outside. It felt as if this was a perfectly normal morning, right after we got Feli-chan and he was just trying to understand what our lives were like. Speaking of lives…wonder if someone's making breakfast right now? Or if I have to do it this time…again.

_***Ding dong***_

Ohhhhh…crap.

Were they really not even giving us a break when it comes to these damn units?

I didn't even bother as I fixed my hair and threw open the door. And sure enough…

"Why the hell are you here? Don't your bosses give us a break?"

"Don't ask me. I'm just the guy delivering it to you. From what I heard, it's only because someone up there really likes you. You don't complain."

"_And yet we actually USE Customer Service…"_

"Don't blame me. I'm just saying what I'm hearing. And just a heads up, there're some complaints about…splintering and stuff when it comes to the boxes, so there're talks to transfer the units in metal crates."

"Metal-"

…

…

…

…

…

"_**WHAT THE HELL ARE THESE PEOPLE SHIPPING OVER HERE? **__**BOMBS?**__**"**_

"Would I be here if I was shipping bombs? Just sign the paper."

"Yeah yeah…" Geez, at least the last shipping dude was nicer. Wonder why they like changing the guy when they deliver to our house? Don't the same guys stay or something? "Where's the manual?"

"Right here, lady."

"Whoot."

The box was actually lighter than usual _(maybe they're sending us emergency signals or something)_ as the random guy of the day drove away without a wit's end. Well, so much for trying to make something that _**I **_want to make for today's breakfast. Oh well, let's see who it is now…

'_**YAO WANG**__**: User Guide and Manual'**_

He…actually sounds…_**sane.**_ God rejoice on your lost sheep, for they have found their way again. At least, let's hope so. So…let's see how we're going to wake this bastard up. The manual doesn't seem to be that complicated this time…only three ways for waking this guy up?

"Oh…you've been following your father's work, da?"

"Yeah. Because of all the historians all over the world, you can't help but catch a few languages. Я все еще пытаюсь узнать немного русского языка."

"Ah…Вы кажетесь довольно грубая в переводе, Ризал."

"Yeah, yeah…"

The first choice seems a little dangerous to say the least. I can't say anything in Chinese, and I think I might be so horrible that this dude might push whatever the hell I'm saying as Dutch or something…if they're actually in some form of unconscious state and they can actually hear stuff when they're out.

"Если нужна моя помощь, не стесняйтесь, ратующих за меня, да?"

"Конечно, но только пойти со мной на данный момент. Я думаю, что у меня есть хорошая идея, что структура предложения составляет около..."

The second option seems to be a little more fun. I have Japanese and Korean music on my iPod _(which I could sneak out of Feli-chan's care if I can get in without waking him up)_. Of course, the Part B of the second option is only funny when Yong Soo is up…so that means I either have to blow this guy's hopes by playing Japanese music, or wait for Yong Soo to wake up to mess with this man's mind. And what the heck is Cantonese?

"Что вы думаете она сделаны на завтрак сегодня?"

"Я предполагаю, обычные яйца и блины. Бэкон, если нам повезет и Альфред не едят все."

"Будем надеяться, что это так же вкусно, как в других случаях она приготовила, да?"

And there is no way that I can speak Russian, since waking up Ivan-kun was hard enough.

"А? Я не пахнут ничего."

"Сестра, вероятно, спали дюйма Здесь я мог бы сделать что-то."

Oh screw this, I'm just going to open the box.

**~Rizal~**

The Russian tongue was a lot harder than I thought. A lot of "sh" sounds, as far as I'm concerned, and my voice is too high for stuff like that. Oddly enough, Ivan didn't seem to mind me butchering most of his language. I think he was more interested in what was for breakfast.

Before we knew it, I heard a loud crate being opened in the lobby and someone screaming bloody murder. Me and Ivan headed to the location just to see a strange red blur run to the doors underneath the staircase doors, a missing box lid, and my rather unconscious sister on the ground.

"Ate?" I ran to her side. "Geez…what kind of crap did you get yourself into this time?"

"…_kuya…?"_

"Yeah?"

"_Next time…never ever let me just open the box…"_

**/=+=/**

**LOL. And the funnier part is that Yao was activated from the loud Russian speak before, not from Charice being an idiot XD**


	23. You're Asian, So You're Not Going to Die

**God, these moments are funny.**

**~Rizal~**

Five seconds later, a worried Feliciano came through wondering what was going on. It didn't take long to find the carcass on the lobby floor and for him to start wailing about her being dead and all. That got everyone else's attention, for all they saw was Charice unconscious and random box parts everywhere. All I could do was shake my head, take the manual from the bomb sight, and walk away before anyone else noticed.

'_**YAO WANG**__**: User Guide and Manual'**_

All right, a Chinese man. I flipped through the manual as I looked around, wondering where he was going to pop out. All I could catch was that he gets very jumpy during the opening process if he hears any bit of Russian, and from what I can conclude he must've heard the both of us when Charice decided to flip the lid. I wonder why she didn't just play off K-Pop or J-Pop on her iPod. She's been listening to them for so long that she completely lost faith in American music. Not that I can blame her, of course. With the standards they have now…

Whatever, I have an Asian guy to look for.

I looked around and realized that for some reason, some of the doors were open. If this guy was as smart as I think he was, he wouldn't have been hiding in these open doors. It would be way too easy for someone to see him-

"_**AIYAAAAA!"**_

Way too high standards, I see.

"…geez. A simple 'ow' would suffice."

"A-a-a-a-a-are you Russian?"

"No, I'm Filipino. Filipino-American, but still. First generation, born in America." The look on his face was…funny, to say the least. "I'm Rizal. I live here with my sister."

"…w-why do you know Russian then?"

"My father taught me. He wanted me to either go into historical research or be ambassador of some place." I shrugged. "Russia was near the top of my list."

"I-I'm sorry, aru…but I'm not really comfortable around Russian…"

I figured that much…if the anime had anything to say out of it. "我知道有些中国人，虽然。"

"Y-you know Chinese, aru?"

"…barely. Because of remembering Russian, I can barely remember that and German. French comes out naturally." I sighed. "Though I'm getting rusty with that language…"

"I-I see…you don't have to speak that to me, if you wish aru."

"All right…your name is…" I looked at the manual. "Yao, right?"

"That's me." He bowed to me. "You're not as scary as I thought you were."

"That's the problem. I'm the only sane one in this house."

"…_that isn't assuring, aru…"_

"It's not. I'm scared sometimes, too."

Yao didn't seem to take it that well, but he was more than willing to let me lead him back into the lobby where the others were. I found it being a great time to explain to him that he ran over my sister, to which he stated that he was going to apologize to her when the time comes for that.

** ~Charice~**

"C-Chari-chan? _**Chari-chan?"**_

Why is my head hurting so much? And why is Feli-chan holding me now? I thought kuya had me. But whatever: Feliciano looked extremely worried about what had happened. I couldn't help but sit up and cuddle him back, making him coo in response. The fact that Antonio had woken up and had seen it didn't make it better.

"Aw…you have a girlfriend, don't you?"

"N-no…" He smiled back. "She's mi sorella now~"

"Ah…a sister now." He knelt down to my level. "What's gotten you so down?"

"Something attacked me."

"V-ve?" Feliciano looked panicked.

"It just came out of the box and _**BOOM,**_ right to the face! I'm all right though, but-"

Before we knew it, something started walking to us. We turned our heads to see that it was Rizal with the thing that jumped out to me. Though…it turns out to be a flat-chested woman with an Asian face. That's actually kind of interesting.

"Huh…I never thought that the next unit was a female."

"W-what?"

"**I WAS SO WORRIED THAT I WAS GOING TO BE THE ONLY FEMALE IN THIS BUILDING!** Welcome, miss!"

"I am not a female, aru! I am a man!"

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

…

"_**GAH!"**_

"Well, if your lack of boobs say anything about it…"

"Do you _**mind,**_ aru?"

"Crap, that means I still have the smallest boob size in the room…"

"Ve…it doesn't really matter, Charice…"

"Do you want me to verify it, mademoiselle?"

"Can you eyeball it?"

"No, I am sorry…I can in fact have a touch test and see for myself-"

_***POW!***_

"You set yourself up for that, ate. Now get Feliciano into the kitchen while I choke a Frenchman."

"Sure. Come on, I'm making breakfast."

"No, I'm new here. I might as well make it now aru."

"No no no, you're a guest for now and I don't have as much food as I think I have for a Chinese breakfast."

"No no, I insist."

_***Random sounds of gore on the other side of the lobby***_

"_Um…should we worry for Francis?"_

"Nah, I think he'll be fine. Though Ivan, you might not want to set up a place for him and kuya at the table just yet."

"All right."

**/=+=/**

**Lame update is lame.**


	24. Oh, Are You Serious?

**Well, it's been revealed that the updater of manual fanfics has ceased to update in the fandom anymore and had moved on to other fandoms. I guess that means that we're free to update whatever person we want without so much as a lot of tension. Oh well.**

**In other words, expect a lot of random people just showing up from the ether.**

**/=+=/**

**~Charice~**

"Your cooking is weird, aru."

"I have no idea what you like, so I'm just adding some of the Chinese spices that I have."

"That's not good at all, aru!"

"Well, I heard you like spices, so here! _**Have some damn spices!"**_

He started it.

"You so totally started that."

"_Shut up, Alfred."_

Fortunately, Maple-chan had some skills with Chinese cooking _(I forced him to try cooking it once)_ so we had some idea of what the food should look like. Unfortunately, this poor guy started screaming at us the minute we decided that we were going to fry instead of steam the buns. The oil apparently tried to kill him.

"We have to start adding this first, before we do that!"

"But wouldn't that make the oil splatter more than it already is?"

"Not if we have a lid!"

"Well, that's unawesome! We need something more than that! Hey, how about cheese?"

"_**YOU CAN'T ADD CHEESE TO BUNS!"**_

"Hell yeah we can! That's why we have hamburgers!"

"_Wrong analogy, Alfred."_

"And who said you were boss, Rizal?"

"He owns the bloody house, Al!"

"Hey, don't make me separate you three! Or else no buns for you!"

"Aw…"

"Don't make me take dessert with that."

"_**Nuuuuuuu…"**_

"Vee…Charice is so strong~"

"Hell yeah I am~"

**~Rizal~**

Sometimes, I fear for these people with her running around.

I sat there at the dining table as Charice tried her best to make buns from scratch with Matthew and Yao next to her. They were trying to steam them, but then they went back to frying them, then steaming them, and it just goes back and forth. Sometimes, I fear for my own stomach.

"This is fun to watch, da?"

"Yep…it's like watching the morning after a horrible sleepover." I rubbed my head. "You just want cereal, Ivan?"

"I don't mind. I personally just want to watch them burn~"

_Oooh, watch out. We just got a mini-Joker running around._

It was then that I noticed that Francis and Gilbert decided to get into the picture. They started charging them and began yelling about how they wanted to add something to the mix, and it ended with Yao hitting them with a wok that I'm pretty sure didn't come with the package. I'm going to have to check up on the manual again…

"Ah…this is so fun, isn't it?"

"You're calling this mess fun, Antonio?"

"Of course! This is the most entertaining thing that's happened to me!"

_Seeing as how you had a very short life…_

"All right, figure out what you're doing now or else we're all eating burnt pancakes."

"I still think we should add cheese-"

"_**NOOOOOOO!"**_

"Oh, you people are mean…"

"We're not mean, _**we're sane."**_

Why in the world is this happening to me?

It was then that I noticed that Matthew was making something away from the messed up lot that was _**them.**_ He looked at the three of us _(Alfred and Arthur were fighting each other and the others were throwing their weight around the poor little Asian people)_ before turning around with his finished plate…which were normal looking buns.

"_They're ready."_

"Pass them over~!" Antonio waved.

Matthew ducked out of the way before serving whatever he made. There were just enough for the four of us, and from the looks of it, it didn't look poisoned or ruined or something we can't gag over. Then, Antonio risked a bite.

"Delicioso!"

"_Really?"_

"The best I ever had!"

_Which is only that one, which isn't saying much._ I took a bite. "Not bad."

"Better than what I think they're gonna have~"

"Thank you for that morbid note, Ivan. Thank you."

**~Charice~**

"Look, we are not going to add cheese to anything! That is a European creation going into a Chinese bun! Bad idea, hotshot!"

"Hey, I still think that this is going to be awesome! Come on, add it!"

"Hey, let go of me-!"

"You're not touching the food, aru!"

I found myself being pushed out of the way as Francis and Gilbert finally got themselves on my side of the oven. Those poor buns are never going to be eaten, aren't they? What a waste of food…and I was in the mood to actually eat something good today…

"Aiya! What are you doing with that?"

"I'm letting AWESOME get in this!"

_Oh dear lord…_

Then there was a lot of screaming that I couldn't really understand, but from what I could catch Alfred decided to add jalapeño peppers in them, and then force-feed Matthew to see if it was any good. Now all we got was a dead Canadian and Antonio eating them like they were chips. Seriously, these people scare me sometimes. The only thing that was missing was Ivan contemplating where we should bury the body.

"Um…Charice…" Rizal turned to me. "Should we do something?"

"…get the camera."

"Right."


End file.
